The year 2000 is coming, and with it comes the hopes and fears of millions, if not BILLIONS, of people. Some think computers will crash. Some believe that banks and telephone companies will screw up and planes will plunge to Earth. Some swear to whatever they hold holy that Jesus Christ will come again, civilization will plunge into a new dark age, or it will be the dawn of happiness and light. Some believe they'll have a hangover.
Still, whatever the outcome, the 2000 issue (Y2K as it's been popularly dubbed) is still months away. There is something else that is potentially much more devastating to the long-term health of the world and is only two weeks away.
July 19, 25 J.E., will mark the 1,000 day since the legendary Uniocular Albino Pennsylvania Pants Python has slipped into the love cavern of a female. Now for some people, priests, eunuchs, and married men in particular, this may not be a big deal. Here I am, though, 25 years old, with a tremendous schlong, in good health, and not getting any!
Now obviously, when I was young, I went a lot longer than 1,000 days, but that's different. For when I lost my cherry to my Schizo-Ex,it began the "Non-Virgin Subroutine Version 4.5" in my brain. Overall, not a bad program. It allowed me to compile sexual knowledge and give me the impetus to get chicks. Being a Cobol based prgoram written in the '70s, though, it suffered some memory contraints. As a result, it was hardcoded to interpret only 3 digit number sequences. I guess that the programmers never though I would go more than 999 days without a chick (or have more than 999 partners).
SO what's going to happen in two weeks when it clicks to 1,000, a phenomenon I shall refer to as YnoK (Why no Koochie)? Will my synpases fry? Will my brain explode? Will me weiner combust? Will I fly into a homicidal rage, fucking everything withing reach to DEATH until I am killed? And then how will the world manage to carry on without me?
YnoK is a serious problem that will no doubt eclipse Y2K. Be sure to buy canned goods and stockpile guns and PLENTY of ammo (people always forget about the ammo!). The only sure way to avoid the cataclysm, though, is to sacrifice to my mighty weiner a sacrificial lamb (figuratively speaking, moron--I want a human female!). I cannot guarantee the chick's survival since my nutsacks have nearly reached critical mass, but she will be giving her life to avoid the end of the world. Hurry! It's not to late!
BTW: Remember that last entry about my folks and me and the debate over igneous rocks? Well, in all likelihood it was waste from and abandoned foundry, blah blah blah, and life continues to suck.