So last week's Time Magazine had an article about cloning. I'm not quite gullible enough to believe that a journalist will necessarily understand anything of a scientific nature, but what they reported seemed to be mostly supported by other more reputable sources, so I'll assume they were mostly correct. One thing I will never assume, however, is that the public has any real clue as to what's going on. If Time's interviews and polls are any indication, I'm right again. Interviews are certainly the journalist's strong point, and Time sure did a good job at wheedling the weirdos out of the woodwork.

From psycho UFO cults to infertile couples, people's reasons for being in favor of cloning boil down to one thing: having their own genes perpetuated. Sure, infertile couples can adopt or  a donor can fill in the gap for the infertile partner, but some people don't want that. As I mentioned in an old entry, a lot of people have children for purely selfish reasons. The pro-cloners don't want children, they want small venisons of themselves.

One crackhead quoted in the article acknowledged that  his cloned son wouldn't be a carbon copy of himself, but he talked about qualities the boy might have. "He will like the color blue, Middle Eastern food, and romantic Spanish music that's out of fashion." Talk about a prime candidate for the trash bin in the clone factory. Like I said, he wants himself to live, and is quoted as saying as much in the article. He wants to thumb his nose at death and seems to be completely unconcerned with the independent, red-loving, McDonald's-eating, Alice Cooper fanatic his clone might turn out to be. Since the guy is childless because he's gay, I doubt that he'd even consider the possibility that his son might grow up to be straight. Such a thought would be abhorrent to anyone more concerned with perpetuating themselves rather than creating a new life.

Then there's the anti-cloners. Sure, you've got the usual mish-mash of people who are still watching Matlock reruns because they're afraid of any kind of change, but the vast majority of those opposed almost certainly base their objections on religious grounds. 69% of people, according to Time, say that cloning is against God's plan. As with all of my responses to every religious assertion,  I have two words:

It's against God's plan? Says who? WHERE does it say that in that oh-so-infallible Bible? It doesn't say? Well gosh! I guess we can assume that such technological things that aren't "natural" are not in God's plan, but how does that apply to other things? How do you know internal combustion engines aren't against God's plan? What about flight? What about computers? What about antibiotics? What about that purple studded glow-in-the-dark vibrator hidden under your mattress? HA! I knew it! Freakin' closet perverts!

The sad thing is that cloning as it stands means absolutely nothing. Right now it'll probably take about 50 pregnancies to come up with one cloned baby. And so what if you do manage to clone yourself? All you did was pop out a kid with identical DNA but in a radically different environment. The kid will grow up to be a completely different person. Woo-hoo. It's way more expensive than just fucking and a lot less fun. What if the kid commits some heinous crime and frames YOU? After all, you've got identical DNA, and probably look alike! Yes, you'd be older, but a little makeup can make the kid look enough like you to send you up the river on the Prison Bitch Singles Cruise.

I wouldn't want to get cloned based on the simple fact that my genetic code pretty much sucks. Sure, I'm stunningly brilliant, but how much of that is genetic? If my clone did come out dumber, though, he'd probably get more use out of his identically huge schlong. He's still have to put up with bad vision and asthma, though.  He also might thing that his genetic heritage alone gives him the right to usurp my power! Ingrate!

Cloning organs would be useful, though. Perhaps someday they can do the same for pianos.

I doubt that my clone would have my stunning sense of humor.