Amazing news! I've uncovered a flaw in fundamentalist religion! Also this issue of the Obvious Inquirer: Oxygen necessary for mammalian life!

I've always wondered about the place of Perdition in the grand scheme of things. What the hell is up with Hell, anyway? In the folklore of the times, it's the place where evil, cruel, nasty people go when they die. Depending on your specific sect, this also includes people who eat pork, who aren't dipped in water, and those who don't properly worship their divine being according to a long litany of largely nonsensical rules of conduct.

I'm going to examine the screwball Christian fundamentalist way of looking at it, since that represents the biggest single target to my Logic Gun and it's one with which I am most familiar. In a nutshell, the fundies believe that Lucifer was sent to Hell because he thought he could run things better. It is his job to tempt people away from God so they'll end up in Hell with him for punishment. Someday, the story goes, he'll take all those souls and go up for Round 2 with God, which, of course, he'll lose.

That's the Sunday school definition that most of these people are stuck with, anyway.

Without getting all technical about how people's sinning isn't attributed to Satan until well into the Bible, there is a real hole in the logic. If Satan doesn't like God, then for heaven's sake, why is he punishing those who join him in Hell? Sure, fundies claim that he tempts people from God, but given that the consequences of joining Satan's side have been described as burning for eternity in a lake of fire, it's not much of an incentive.

It seems to me that if there was an antagonistic relationship between the Devil and God, the former's interests would hardly be served by punishing those who broke the laws of the latter. If I were in charge of Hell, I'd make it party central! Come to Hell, I'd say, and party for eternity! We've got booze, cocaine, and hookers galore. The fire? That's just arsonists having fun! Murderers, you can kill people, and they'll come right back to life! Have you seen Las Vegas? That's just the tiniest piece of what Hell has to offer!

That may not be a good example, since I'd be preaching to the choir, so to speak. 

It always seemed to me that ol' Satan was doing God a service by culling the herd of the weak and nasty at heart and then kicking their asses for eternity. Talk about quality control! He's making sure that anyone who gets to Heaven is tested and approved by Inspector #666. According to the Bible, he tested both Job and Jesus to make sure they were still in God's corner. Meanwhile, he's not blamed at all for Jesus's crucifixion or the constant shortcomings of the Israelis.

Of course, I don't buy all that Satan stuff, anyway. His Biblical basis is weak at best, and seeing as I don't give a tremendous credence the THAT book, he doesn't stand much chance. "The belief in a supernatural source of evil is not necessary," says Joseph Conrad, "men alone are capable of every wickedness."

I also learned that Christian fundamentalism is pretty much an American phenomenon. 44% of the American public still believes that the Creation story is literal truth, while in the UK, 97% of priests and ministers from all denominations do NOT believe it. My opinion of our society just plunged a few notches. Don't worry, though. Our superior cable TV still keeps us on top.

And oxygen is pretty cool.