On a deserted beach. Jasonnicus enters.

Jasonnicus: Behold, I yet live. I have been unconscious, swept aloft of Poseidon's waves, only to awaken here. My bones ache with exhaustion, by belly is full of seawater, and I believe there is a crab in my pants, but I yet live. I also still have the Golden Sheepskin, which not even Zeus can take from me. How do you like that, Zeus, you big impotent moron!

Chieftain: <from offstage> I have hear a voice! This way, Tribesmen!

Jasonnicus: Natives! Hostile, perhaps? Perhaps they will force me to bang all of their daughters! Nevertheless, I will stand my ground and see if their intentions are hellish or heavenly.

Chieftain and Tribesmen enter.

Chieftain: Who is there? Who dirties our island with their presence?

Jasonnicus: 'Tis I, Jasonnicus the Heroic! I seek no quarrel, deposited here against my will by the small-dicked gods. If it is a fight you want, though, it is a fight you will have!

Tribesmen: Aw, crap! It's another guy!

Jasonnicus: Huh?

Chieftain: Forgive the frustration of my men, Jasonnicus. They mean no disrespect to a hero such as you. It has been many a year since we have seen a woman, and we were so hoping that one had been swept ashore.

Jasonnicus: What's going on around here?

Chieftain: This is the Island of the Straight Men!

Jasonnicus: I have heard of such a place, but I thought it only a legend told to bad Greeks who would not wear dresses! I never dreamed that it was real, much less than I would end up here!

Tribesmen: We are cursed by the gods because we dared to revel in banging chicks in a way that is alien to the Greeks! It was the gods' decree that we spend the rest of our lives on this accursed isle without nary a woman to look upon! 'Tis a sad day when a hero such as you arrive here! Perhaps it was hubris that brought you to us, those poor souls who had the pride to compare their sexual skills to those of the gods.

Jasonnicus: Hubris schmubris! Sure, I said that I had the schlong of a god, but it ain't hubris if it's true! I think Zeus just wants more chicks to himself!

Chieftain: It matters not. You are here now, and there is no escape from this island.

Jasonnicus: What do we do all day?

Chieftain: We mostly hang out and talk about what a dick Zeus is.

Jasonnicus: Sounds like my life already. I shall not be content to stay here, though. I shall escape from this island, and with you men as my crew, we shall blaze a trail of debauchery from the rock of Gibraltar to the Crimean peninsula! The women of every port will meet us at the docks, eager to siphon off a bit of our pent-up energy! For behold! I have the Golden Sheepskin, so it is my destiny to score!

Tribesmen: <Aside> Ah, we were so full of life when we arrived. Years of failure have broken our wills. 'Tis only a matter of time before Jasonnicus, too, becomes as we. We no longer dream of escape, but are satisfied to sit around here and brew our own beer.

Chieftain: Of course, Jasonnicus. We will start tomorrow. Perhaps first we should drink some beer around the campfire.

Jasonnicus: Beer? Let's go!

Jasonnicus, Chieftain, and Tribesmen exit.