Speaking of scoring, I thought of something else to write about.

Now that I've scored, you're no doubt thinking, "Now that ol' Jason's finally got a chick in the sack, he'll probably whisk her straight to the altar before she sobers up!"

In response, I say, "Shut up, mom!"

As remote a specter as marriage still is, I believe in being prepared. Marriage has ruined many, many perfectly good lives. As if just a relationship wasn't a big enough risk, we guys have to legally bind half of our possessions on the hope that the chick isn't a total nut case! Chicks...well, I guess they can always marry a jackass. I mean, heck, if you're not married and things don't work out, you can just kick the bitch and/or dickhead to the curb, and maybe you'll have some screaming and crying and a kick in the nuts, and that's it. If you're married, you (if you're a guy) lose half your stuff and will probably get jammed for alimony and child support! I'm still trying to figure out a real downside for chicks...

So why would anybody want to get married? Mostly so that someone will be around to hang out with you when you're old and toothless and shitting yourself, I suppose. There is the advantage of that, plus, if you get an STD, you know who to blame.

So if you ARE going to get married, how do you make sure that it's a good match and not a match made in financial hell? Well, as always, I did all your thinking for you.

As far as I can figure, the only thing separating a string-free "relationship" from a legally binding "marriage" is some silly marriage license and a minister with the right documents. My secret plan would be to go through the motions, but, unbeknownst to the chick, make sure nothing is legally binding. "Don't worry, honey," I'd say, "I'll take care of all the paperwork!" So we go through all the motions, and no one knows of my dirty secret except me.

So now what? The great thing is that if any point the chick reveals that her heart is as black as a Mother-in-Law's puckered anus, you can just drop her bitch ass. "I'll sue you for everything you own!" she'd shriek. "HA!" I'd shout back. "We're not even married! I 'forgot' to send in the paperwork! HA HA HA! Get out of my house, you backstabbing cheating 'ho, and take the basketball team with you!" Better be sure to brush up on the common law marriage statutes for your state, though.

If, on the other hand, the chick turns out to be everything you've ever dreamed of, then you can innocently suggest that you guys "renew" your wedding vows, because you just love her so much. Heh heh Flawless.

I suppose it would work for chicks, too, but they LIKE marriage.

Just don't be an idiot and bring KIDS into it. That'll pooch ALL of the plans.

Speaking of kids, you know what you call a hot African-American woman who happens to have a child or two (known as a MILF - A Mother I'd Like to Fuck)?

Chocolate MILF! I KILL me!

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