February 1, 28 J.E.
The human body is a miraculous thing...I guess. Sure, it's a complicated mix of chemicals pumping through a network of veins hundreds of miles long while billions of living microorganisms live in perfect, communistic harmony. What kills me, though, is the many ways it finds to self-destruct. As if there wasn't enough crap around. Our bodies work hard to recovery from injury, fight off pathogens, and do everything they can to stay alive, and they go and screw themselves up the ass. What's up with that?
I'm not talking about aging, in particular. Sure, your body is slowly committing suicide, but at least there's a good reason for it. After all, who wants a bunch of three hundred year-old fogeys competing for food? Not me. If you ask me, people don't age fast enough. After all, oldie stations are spreading like a cancer.
No, what I'm talking about are the little, stupid things the body does to make the life of its owner miserable. A great example is baldness. Why can't we just DIE? Why does all of our hair have to fall out?? Actually, scratch that--it doesn't just fall out. It friggin' MIGRATES to our backs while what's left on our heads is feathery, scraggly, icky-looking remnants of our former glorious manes. Yes, it even happens to CHICKS! Still, that's a nuisance, but it doesn't really KILL us.
How about that fun little disease, osteoporosis? For some reason, the body decides that it would be a great idea to suck all the calcium out of a person's bones. I don't know what makes it think that a skeleton with the strength of chopsticks is a plus, but it sucks. I should know, because it runs in my family, even the guys! I am SO not looking forward to my spine turning to mashed potatoes.
Another fun little ailment is every man's favorite, prostate enlargement! Not only do we not even NEED the stupid organ, but it makes us have to piss every 10 minutes. As if getting old wasn't bad enough already, we have to worry about the thing going cancerous the first chance it gets. Worse yet, when we finally get it taken care of, it severs the nerves to our penises, which are probably all wilted by then anyway.
THEN there are allergies. Our immune systems, our only defense against a world dripping with disease, decide to take target practice with our vital bodily systems. Asthma, MS, and...uh...others. All tons of fun visited upon us by our very own body.
Worst of all, we can't even screw without the risk of getting saddled with a friggin' kid! There's no justice in the world