August 13, 28 J.E.

So I was "working" the other day, and I decided to troll around the Internet to look at some of the wackier fringe political parties. Yep, there were a bunch, but I was disappointed that they were all basically the same. There were a few hyper-conservative ones who wanted to turn the U.S. into a "Christian" state, but predictably the vast majority were those that pushed environmentalism, equal rights, socialism, and all of that gay stuff.

There was one, though, that caught my attention. It went by the unassuming name of "The Autonomy Party". Being a rather autonomous person myself, that name alone positively predisposed me toward the party. Then I checked it out, and it took me to the brink of insanity and back.

The platform of the party is, if nothing else, truly original (at least in parts), but favors autonomy in name only. The government envisioned by the lunatic behind it, a college kid named Andrew Bushard, would strictly enforce veganism and "natural hygiene" on the hapless populous, while banning any kind of drug (including alcohol, caffeine, and chocolate), dismantling all corporations and eventually private companies in favor of socialism, paying a salary to students to learn, legalizing squatting, imposing salary caps on people, being nice to the environment, banning abortion, and protecting free speech (especially porn). An odd mix, but not too far out, right? Wait, it gets better&ldots;

In a truly bizarre twist, ol' Andrew wants a massive increase in executive power, explicitly a return to an autocracy or monarchy. Gee, I feel so empowered. He also has a hard-on for the Post Office. As he says, e-mail can't compare to the "romance" of getting snail mail, and that "mail is exciting." He obviously hasn't gotten out into the real world where mail is 90% bills and junk. April's Fools day should be Constitutionally protected, since it is a "very awesome and brilliant idea." The best one, though, has got to be how he extols the virtues of a barter system over our current monetary system. Yes, barter. I'd have to send the phone company a shoelace in exchange for a call to my parents. And last but not least, he recommends building "soap boxes" wherever possible. This point alone made me wonder if the whole thing was a joke, but he is apparently in favor of the literal building of actual soap boxes  because "When soapboxes exist pervasively, passion, romance and intellectual stimulation will flourish." That boy is clearly not of this Earth. For more details of his twisted logic, check out his site yourself: http://bushard0.tripod.com/autonomyparty/index.html **

He's not bothered by common sense, either. In one of his more recent writings he complains that water "foundations" only give water. I'm presuming that "water foundation" is a Minnesota version of "water fountain," but I won't rule this out as another manifestation of his mental defects. Anyway, he goes on to say that people should have the choice of any sXe (that's "straight-edged", you unhip moron), vegan beverage such as pop and Kool-Aid, and especially soy, rice, and other plant "milks". His vision includes labels on each fountain describing what it dispenses, but a few will be unlabeled so people will be surprised. He goes on to say "Diplomats from many countries will be impressed at the novelty of our government.  Thus they will tend to be more friendly (sic) to us. Creativity amazes people.  Offering delicious exciting beverages in our drinking foundations (sic) can be a marvelous way to gain the respect and good will of countries that use (sic) to hate us." Wow. The secret to world peace is diversity in our water fountains!! Obviously, this notion should strike anyone as way too expensive and wholly impractical. If it doesn't, go sign up at the Autonomy Party and then go check yourself into the funny farm.

And then there's this little gem:

I wonder if this is how Hitler and Stalin got their starts? 

It always bothers me when somebody says that they're in favor of freedom for people and then proceed to force their own wills onto every else. Yes, because Andrew loves getting mail, we should all piss ourselves at the thought of receiving in on Sundays. Because Andrew hates alcohol, we all have to abstain. Because Andrew's a vegan, we all have to give up meat and animal products. Because Andrew likes April Fool's Day, we have to put up with him.

What's more, his Web site is peppered with the frequent use of fairly unusual words such as "miasma," "romance" (in the context of post offices and soap boxes it's pretty damn rare), "relish" (not the condiment), "edifying", and other such words. I think that's a sign of either insanity or the lack of a handy Thesaurus.

I'd write this freak off as just another nut job or, more charitably, an inexperienced and idealistic young man, but he's actually trying to turn his vision into reality. Yes, a labyrinthine Web site, speaking at the local library, and even running for local political office demonstrate boundless energy, perseverance, and a single-minded dedication to promoting his madness. If he drops some of his more insane platform points, he might just get somewhere. How frightening would that be? Just to illustrate how far out there, he's begun his own religion called "Frelsun" which is made up of commandments strikingly similar to that of the Autonomy Party, as well as the "Federation Without Television" which is pretty much just a chance to rant against television. That's a young megalomaniac in action if I ever saw one. Hell, I never had the audacity to make my own religion&ldots;yet. 

I don't suppose I should be too worried, since the guy seems to lack any understanding of economic principles, political theory, human nature, or common sense. Still, people always say that all you need is energy and determination, and this kid's got those in spades.

** A few scant weeks after I wrote this, his site vanished from the Web! I'm leaving the link in the hope that it shall return, but I wouldn't count on it. I'm very sad.

 

 

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