It seems to me that most people in the world are horribly, terminally bored with their lives. In spite of our hundreds of channels, millions of books, and billions of humans we could communicate with and learn from, people can't seem to shake off a horrible sense of boredom. Why else would they invent all of the wild superstitions that abound today, and, in fact, have always been part of us? I hereby advance the thesis that boredom is the primary force driving most of history.

I've always wondered why people have a tendency to construct wild and fantastic mythologies around their little lives. Sure, they didn't have TV back in dawn of humanity, so I can understand that they'd need to tell stories to liven up an evening after a long day of hunting and gathering. If it ended there, that would be fine. But some tools began taking these stories as reality and thus religion, superstition, and politics were born. Basically, it all boils down to the persistent belief in magic.

It's hard to tell if things are any worse today. After all, people all throughout history thought that evil spirits were lurking about, ready to cause mischief at the slightest opportunity. They also believed in secret conspiracies that performed dark rituals and worked for the downfall of everything good in the world. Charms, crystals, and assorted paraphernalia were also given great importance as promoters of health and happiness. Yep, that sounds like a lot of superstitious, conspiracy-minded, rabbits-foot-clutching doofuses I've known over the years.

Such things may not be any more prevalent today than in the old days, but I will say that belief in them is a lot more pathetic. Two hundred years ago, people had no idea what germs were, what the weather was going to be, how economics work, how much of each vitamin to eat, or what the moon was made out of. Since humans are always trying to figure out how things work, I can understand how a few nutty theories could become accepted, since nobody knew any better. After all, as Arthur C. Clarke said, any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. If you have no technology, then everything's magic.

But now we KNOW all that stuff. It's called SCIENCE. Yet, people still insist on believing in magic, often cloaked in science. The tested, peer-reviewed scientific conclusion isn't good enough for them. They demand that some LSD-blasted lunatic sell them physical or spiritual snake oil to cure what ails them. Sure, they SAY it's scientific, but when you say, "Where's the evidence?" they make excuses or, worse yet, lie.

Why isn't science (or at least rational thought) good enough for people? If they have questions, why don't they go and LEARN about the subject? Why aren't they even a little bit skeptical before they dive into fanatical belief? Why would the embrace something that completely defies physics and common sense?

Those are easy questions to answer: Because people are bored! They need drama! A world without the magic of, well, magic is not a world in which they'd want to live! Those stuffy old scientists don't know how to have fun! That schizophrenic dude who talks to aliens, now he's a partier!

So, your terminally bored people live in a world of astrology, pet psychics, telekinesis, medicinal magnets, spiritual awakenings, Loch Ness monsters, Earth Changes, UFO abductions, Channeling, faith healing, Virgin Mary sightings, pyramidology, angels, astral projection, Atlantis, Satanic Ritual Abuse, Creationism, crop circles, dowsing, CIA mind control, homeopathy, iridology, and Ouiji Boards while breathlessly anticipating the end of the world through Rapture, pole shift, nuclear war, and/or Planet X (due 2003!).

Me, I live in a world of taxes, influenza, bumble bees, scissors, noodles, TV, and moss.

"You're just jealous!" shrieks some middle-aged true believer in the back. 

Maybe, but at least I'm not an idiot. 

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