People these days have a near limitless ability to pick the profession of their choice. In the old days, you were farmer. Period. These days, you can be a dildo designer, a toilet manufacturer, a porn store operator, a shoelace quality control manager, a prisoner, or just about anything else you set your little heart on.

With all of those possibilities, it seems amazing to me that ANYONE would be stupid enough to go into modeling. Not that I'm bashing modeling. I appreciate a bikini-clad, silicone-enhanced, bottle-blonde as much as the next straight male or lesbian, but you'd have to be a total retard to decide you want to be a model for the rest of your life. It's even more lame than dreaming of being a Hollywood actor or a famous musician. Why? Allow me to rant&ldots;

First, let's look at the job itself. You stand there and try to look pretty. Yeah, that's a real humdinger of a stimulating job. No wonder their brains turn to putty (assuming they weren't already in that condition). Sometime you're wearing clothes, sometime your not, but either way, the most you'll be is some nameless chick in a magazine that eventually gets all sticky due to people "admiring" your picture.

Then let's look at the requirements to even get a gig as a model. You have to be exceptionally well-proportioned and must not have a face that looks like it went through a cheese grater. Even if you have the goods, further enhancements may be necessary. Many a plastic surgeon has bought yachts, mansions, and Bentleys on the profits they got from models and model wanna-be's. Starvation also appears to be a necessity.

THEN you have to consider that supply far outstrips demand. There are queues of chicks desperate for a modeling job swamping every agency. Just to keep up, you invest a considerable amount of money just to break into the business, and then sustain your momentum. Modeling "schools" (what a racket!), portfolios, the latest clothes, all of it sucks money right out of your pocket. Even with all that, most of your time would probably be spent trying to get a job rather than sitting by the pool drinking margaritas. It's also intensely competitive. There are plenty of chicks in front and behind who would gladly slit your throat.

The worst of it, though, is that by the time you get old (say, 30), your career is OVER. If you didn't save up a couple of mill, you're going to be waiting tables the rest of your life at some greasy spoon diner as your fake boobs sag to your knees and your tan-ravaged skin turns to the consistency of leather.

"But wait," you say, "they get tons of cash and fame! They're on commercials! They're in magazines! They marry rich old men!"

Au contraire. Models get fairly decent bucks&ldots;assuming they're lucky enough to break into a serious gig. Those astronomical millions that Cindy Crawford made back before she got skanky are far out of reach of the average back alley model. Of course, they could always go into stripping or pornography and make some damn good scratch, but let's stick to the subject.

So why do they do it? The high risk, the low pay, and the extremely short shelf life of a model should make anyone think twice. Yet, like lemmings, they flood into the modeling agencies with starry eyes and dreams of a glamorous and rock and roll lifestyle. So, beyond the fact that I can't understand why anyone would gleefully reduce themselves to a superficial, 2-dimensional image for a living, there's not even much money in it. I suppose it's the same greedy desire for fame that infests Hollywood actors and big-time musicians so they can feel superior to all of us regular schleps. Actors and musicians, though, at least have talent.

"Hey!" shrieks the skeletal chick with the fake British accent, "modeling is hard work! I'm at least as talented as any actress!"

Yeah, well, mannequins can stand around wearing clothes, too, but I wouldn't call them talented. Cindy Crawford proved how successful model to actor crossovers are. Yeah, so you have a hot bod and can look all flirty. Congratulations. You're WAY more important than small pox vaccine.

Male models, of course, are REALLY stupid. They don't get paid squat, and they work a lot harder. After all, it's a lot harder to be muscular than to just be skinny.

Why oh why do they decide to go into modeling rather than something that pays better and is a lot more stable? If they had any brains at all, they'd go into Information Technology and make hundreds of thousands of dollars a year for the rest of their lives. 

But then, we don't admire models for their smarts.