This should be a no-brainer, but I'm not like most people, especially where music is concerned. I went into more detail about this in a previous entry, but basically if aliens came and destroyed our ability to make and/or enjoy music, I wouldn't be particularly devastated. As long as we still had cable, I think I could muddle through.

Still, I am partial to classic hard rock bands like Ozzy, Alice Cooper, Metallica, etc, among others. What I find annoying is that bands like these are typically characterized as suicide-inducing, degenerate devil-worshippers, usually by the super-religious types who have more faith than sense. Yes, I remember those heady days of the late 80's when Judas Priest was sued for a kid committing suicide and religious groups constantly ranted about the evils of heavy metal. Of course, then Grunge rock came along and with their waning fortunes, so too did the notoriety of these bands. And now gangsta rap is the big thing. Damn kids!

The astounding vacuum of common sense that I so abhor comes in the calls from "concerned parents" to have certain music labeled, banned, or otherwise kept out of the reach of impressionable young people. That megalomaniac bitch Tipper Gore is the paragon of the mindset that wants to whitewash entertainment for the "good of the children". Well, fuck that. I don't have any kids for a REASON! Just because OTHER people can't figure out how to use a rubber is no reason for ME to have to suffer through G-rated entertainment the rest of my life. If a W.A.S.P album is named "Fuck Like a Beast", it's probably not intended for Junior's ears.

The hypocrisy is what really yanks my nut hair, though. Sure, people will protest Marilyn Manson, Ozzy, Korn, and Eminem, but they wouldn't DREAM of protesting Britney, Spice Girls, or New Kids on the Cock-I mean, Block. Nevertheless, if I were retarded enough to become a parent and could still manage the occasional cognitive thought, I'd cast a very jaundiced eye on many of the so-called "safe" pop songs out there today. I snipped a verse from ex-New Kid on the Cock Jordan Knight's single:

I'm the place to be 
and soon you'll see 
I don't care who leads 
as long as we do horizontally 
anyone can make you sweat 
but I can keep you wet 
its creepin around in my head 
me holding you down in my bed 
I can't wait to give you some 
I'm convinced you need it

GM Chrysler! I'm no prude, but the first time I heard that, it earned a furrowed brow from me. Compare with one of the most evil songs in history, Ozzy's "Crazy Train":

Crazy, but that's how it goes
Millions of people living as foes
Maybe it's not too late
To learn how to love, and forget how to hate

Then you've got that Lou Bega guy singing about how he bangs dozens of broads, Ricky Martin shaking his ambiguous sexuality all over stage, or the various chick bands singing about how they want to suck big sweaty cock in sugary metaphors. (If I listened to more music, I'd be able to give more examples, but philistine that I am, I ran out of steam.)

And now ol' Joe Lieberman is trying to get a bill going that would punish companies who market "offensive" music to children. Jesus Tap-Dancing Christ. Wasn't government-enforced morality the realm of the religious right? Now LIBERALS have to hit it, too?

It all comes down to this: if you have kids, be a friggin' parent. Sure there are songs out there that might offend people who are sensitive to the raping of a corpse with a chainsaw, but the beauty of life is that you don't have to listen to it. If you catch your kid listening to something you don't like, smack him/her in the head and lock him/her in the closet. Don't go running to the damn government like a little bitch.

Damn kids. Why can't they listen to wholesome music like Black Sabbath?