Unless you've been sitting blindfolded in a cave on the Moon with your fingers in your ears, you've heard a lot about how Americans are getting fat enough to be at risk for harpooning on beaches. I hear a lot of numbers bantered about stating that between 50% and 70% of adults are overweight and/or obese. That's a pretty big range and no doubt there's some ass-raping of the statistics going on, but there's one thing that almost any seismologist will tell you:

There are too friggin' many fat people in the U.S.

The news reports constantly blare that it's an 'epidemic' and that it kills 300,000 people a year. Not that I would ever accuse the media of being sensationalistic, but come on. An epidemic? Please. Bubonic Plague was an epidemic. Obesity is a self-curable condition that a lot of people have given themselves through years of self-abuse.

The question is, why? Is it the fault of candy makers who make those bright and shiny wrappers that are so hard to exist? Is it the fault of restauranteurs who make portions so big that you have to really stretch your stomach to eat an appetizer, dinner, and dessert? Is it the fault of fast-food joints with their catchy jingles and flashy commercials? Is it the fault of the government which has failed to protect its weak, blubbery, spineless citizens with regulations?

I, of course, blame the blobs themselves who just don't have the willpower to turn off that melted butter I.V. I blame the people who load up their shopping cart with Crisco, cookies, chips, and fatback, eat all of it as soon as they get home, and then are back the next day buying more. I blame the people who drink nothing but soft drinks and butter their bacon. I blame the people who eat fast food 4 times a day and then go home and eat candy. I blame the people who sit watching TV all day, dragging their asses up only to waddle to the refrigerator.

I can understand a little bit of extra junk in the trunk, or a moderate gut. That happens. You get older, the metabolism slows down, and a little bit of fat starts to accumulate. Fine. Heck, I admit it, I have some love handles obscuring my otherwise perfect obliques. In my youth, I was 5'10" and weighed a scant 130 lbs. Now I'm around 175. Most of it is muscle and "filling out" stuff fortunately, but I got a little extra baggage lurking around the corners.

What kills me, though, is how people can let themselves get 30 pounds overweight (30 pounds of FAT, not muscle), and still not change their habits. They'll still go on eating Gummi Bears by the pound and not think anything is wrong. Then they're up in the 300 pound range, and everybody ELSE has to accommodate their fat asses.

"It's a glandular problem!" cries the mildly overweight man taking up two handicapped seats.

No, it's a stupidity problem. It's all very simple. If you eat more calories than you burn, you get fat. If you burn more calories than you eat, you get thin. How fucking hard can that be? It's basic math!

What I can't understand is why people don't look at themselves in the mirror and say, "Gee whiz, looks like I might be getting a little bit o' pudge there around the middle&ldots;" and then DO something about it. I exercise 3-4 times a week, but more importantly, I cut down how much I eat. I reckon I cut about 300 calories out of my daily diet, just because I know that I'm not burning it as fast as I used to. It also helps that I never buy junk food when I go to the store. No, instead most people just eat some ice cream or something to forget about it.

But on the other hand, people still smoke, do crack, and drive fast. I guess there's not talking sense to some people.

If it was just a bunch of puffballs eating themselves to death, I'd be fine with it. Heck, it's their lives, let them do what they want with them. But NOOOOOO, they want to get PAID for it! They want to sue McDonald's because it's that company's fault that they got fat. Other freaks want to tax fast food, pop, candy, and any other food they deem "dangerous" right out of existence! I certainly don't hit the fast food joints every day, but if I WANT to, I have the right to. Just because some other people can't be responsible is no reason to punish me! Make those fat whiners run a lap around the courthouse for every $10 they want to get from McDonald's and see how fast those lawsuits dry up.

God DAMN that pisses me off. 

Before I close, I want to look at some numbers. The Body Mass Index is the primary determinant of whether you're a government-approved weight or a bloated pig. The main flaw of the BMI is that assumes that people are made up of only skin, bones, and fat. If you happen to have muscles of any kind, you must lose weight! Sylvester Stallone, Russell Crowe, Tom Cruise, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are 'obese' by the BMI's standards. Brad Pitt and Michael Jordan are merely 'overweight'. I got this from a cute and only somewhat cynical game that you too can play on Consumer Freedom's web site (http://www.consumerfreedom.com/game_fatchart.cfm). The more I read, the more I suspect that the government's numbers are questionable, and quite possibly exaggerated. It's a problem, certainly, but it's not MY problem.

As usual, those of us who are responsible with our health are the ones who are punished.