For years, I've wondered what would become of my glorious locks of luxurious dark blond hair. The evil specter of baldness was never far from my mind, as many of my colleagues had been stripped of their hair before they reached their 20's, and 75% of men suffer at least some hair loss.

BUT, my dad crossed 50 and still has a full head of hair, and my mom's dad is totally old and he still has hair. All of the other men on my dad's side are pretty damn bald, but if he dodged the bullet, I should too, right? The weight of my family's genetics is on my side, right?

Well, I'm 30 now, and I have come to the dark, sad conclusion that I am indeed going bald. My hair is gradually slipping away like ants in a closed fist. Why is it that my body wants me to go bald? Why does it sabotage my desire to have hair with that damnable dihydrotestosterone? It's bad enough I have to get old, but why does it have to kick me while I'm down?

Fortunately for me, I don't have to take this shit from mother nature. I live in 21st century America, and WE'RE in charge! We can split the atom! We can level forests! We can drive thousands of weak, stupid, and/or ugly animals to extinction! We can dictate whether or not we lose our hair!

So I began researching my options. There a re a ton of "all-natural, detoxifying, spiritually uplifting" solutions to hair loss. A quick glance through their fuzzy, pastel-colored Web sites prove that they're full of shit. All-natural? It's nature's goddamn fault I'm losing my hair in the first place! Detoxifying? If it takes a toxin to get my hair back, I'll do it! Spiritually uplifting? I've already tried devotion to a high consciousness, and that was a dead end! Stupid money-grubbing pseudo-hippies.

Next I looked at Rogaine. After reviewing the clinical data, I found that Rogaine only works 15% of the time, and it takes a half hour a day to rub it into your head! Fuck that! I'm a busy man! If that was my only option, I'd go bald and like it.

That left me with Propecia. I had read some articles in the past that indicated Propecia wasn't all that great, so I was doubtful. Nevertheless, I checked out the data, and it looked pretty promising. No work, minimal side effects, and a 90+% success rate. There was one problem.

Propecia doesn't come cheap. My doctor told me I could expect to pay $50 a month for it. That's not that big a deal, since I spend that much on luxuries like electricity and food. Being the shopper I am, though, I looked around for the best deal. The first place I looked was Drugstore.com, and they offered it for $136 for three months. Not bad, but I thought I could do better. Drugstore.com is a big company, so they're probably banking on name recognition to squeeze out some extra bucks (I'm a marketer, I know this stuff).

So I go to a place that promised "Cheapest prices of Propecia on the net!" They were charging $199 for three months' worth! Egad! The more I looked for a bargain, the more prices went up! $229! $249! $259! I even found a place offering "great deals" that was charging $299 for a three month supply! Even getting them from Canada, the Land of Cheap Drugs, was $210! What the hell?!

Obviously, I'm going with Drugstore.com because not only do they have the best price, but they also don't have a bunch of pop-ups for online casinos. For once, comparison shopping failed to net me a good deal. Who would have ever guessed that Internet sales sites would be less than 100% honest? I'm shocked.

The real question is, why would I care if I'm losing my hair? I'm over 30, so my best years are behind me anyway, and I already have a devoted chick so it's not like I need to impress anybody, so who cares?

I just want to stick one to that bitch Mother Nature.