So there I was, watching the Super Bowl, minding my own business. I wasn't all that enthusiastic, since it was the damn Patriots again. The most rewarding game of the season was the NFC Championship when the Eagles got spanked for the third straight time. So, I wasn't really paying attention. When the half time show came on, I was even less impressed. P. Diddy, Rolling Stone, Nelly, Justin Timberlake, and Janet Jackson are not a lineup I would really consider attention worthy.

Since I was more enthralled by the peeling paint on the wall than I was the halftime show, I can honestly say that when history was made, I was looking the other way. Actually, I do recall seeing Justin Timberlake rip something off of Ms. Jackson's outfit from the corner of my eye, but I didn't see what it was. If somehow no one made a fuss about it, I never would have known that ol' J. Jack's boob was exposed for the world to see. Well, my chick saw it, but I just told her she was crazy.

Sure enough, though, it happened. You'd think that half of the country fell into glassy-eyed catatonic states and the other half projectile vomited and died by the press it got. Lawmakers screaming for fines, advocate groups screaming for executions, Internet sites playing it over and over again. People are acting like this is the worst thing that's ever happened in this country. I heard a senator struggle to choke back tears as she recounted how she had to explain to her son what he had just seen on TV and how he's probably traumatized for life.

Commentators of various stripes have been obsessing about whether it was a planned fiasco, and who had foreknowledge. The NFL and CBS have been falling over each other denouncing in and denying responsibility. It didn't look to me like it was planned, what with Janet covering herself almost immediately, but what to I know? Surely some religious kook or opportunist politician can come to a more logical conclusion than I.

Jesus tap dancing Christ. Isn't there anything else you people could be worrying about? There's a fucking WAR on, people! Inner-city schools are churning out crack dealers by the thousands! Snakehead fish are in our waterways! French people are still obnoxious! Isn't there anything else you people could be worrying about?

Somehow, I think the fragile psyches of the children of the world will survive seeing a flash of boob. It may be tough and require years of soul-searching and therapy, but perhaps, someday, they'll get over that quick glimpse of a single mommy bag. Some, of course, will be come serial killers or communists, but if we all persevere, we may just manage to survive as a nation.

Give me a fuckin' break. If this had happened in virtually any other western country in the world, no one would care. After all, in just about every other country, you can see boobs on COMMERCIALS. Latin America, Europe, even our naughty neighbor to the north, Canada, sees far more boobage on a regular basis than we do.

It's all so lame. Now people will be afraid to do ANYTHING that might be even vaguely risqué, much to my unhappiness. The FCC was talking about allowing "fuck" over the airwaves not too long ago, so I guess that's down the tubes. They're talking about jacking up fines and making people personally liable for offending the masses.

It's not like it's all religious right Republicans, either. The damn Democrats have jumped on the puritan wagon, too! There's no one to turn to for sanity! No one will step up to the plate and say, "Knock this bullshit off! It's a tit! Big fucking deal! Your kids have probably already seen a lot worse than that!" They probably have, too. I remember getting a surreptitious look at porno before second grade, and I turned out just fine.

Eh, who cares? It'll all blow over as soon as the journalists get bored.