Oh lordy, I'm old. 

Yeah, I know I say that every year, but this time I REALLY mean it. This is my fourth decade of life, and I can't help but think I should be doing more than I'm doing. Perhaps I should be earning more than a pittance at an indifferent company selling products I would never buy myself on an unsuspecting public. Perhaps I should be using my leisure time to better myself rather than starting slack-jawed at a TV screen. Perhaps I should go out, get a chick, get a house, get a new computer...

Wait, I guess I did those last couple of things already. Well, good for me!

Last April I also started writing a novel. Yes, a novel! I'm up over two hundred pages, and no, you can't see it yet. It's not finished. The details will also be strictly under wraps until I've optioned the movie rights. So, at least that part of my life long dream is well under way. Will it sell? Will I become a modern Tolkein? Probably not, but I can always say that I did it.

Occasionally, I feel a little anxious that my life is slipping away one second at a time. Usually when I think those things, I turn to either porno or alcohol to distract me. Sometimes, though, when I'm driving or if I'm at some important meeting with the boss, I begin to wonder if I've done enough. Will I regret my life when I'm a drooling 90 year-old with a full load in my diaper? Will I say that I should have banged more broads, studied harder, worked harder, tried more drugs, or ran around naked through the neighborhood with a chainsaw more often?

But then I think, gee, if I spend my life doing things that I hate, like helping people or applying myself, maybe I'll look back on my life and wish that I'd had more fun . Maybe then I'd regret banging so many broads. studying as hard, working as hard, doing so many drugs, and running around naked through the neighborhood with the chainsaw so often that people got bored with me. "Oh look, it's Jason's daily nude run with the chainsaw. Must be time for lunch."

I guess I'm doing OK. I got a house and a great chick. I just need a new job. Then I'll be happy. Really.