I've become addicted to V8 "Spicy Hot" tomato juice.

This is very peculiar for me. I don't like tomatoes in general. I hate tomato soup. I don't care for raw tomatoes. I despise regular tomato juice. Yet, I like tomato sauce and salsa. How odd.

When I saw the bottle of "Spicy Hot" V8 in the store, it called to me. It sang me a sweet, enthralling song full of promises of a pleasant drinking experience. Like a sailor under the spell of a siren, I found myself moving toward the bottle. I watched myself pick it up and put in the cart. My will was not my own.

In the end, though, I was pleased. It was indeed as tasty as I had imagined. I still hate regular V8, but the "Spicy Hot" is something unique and special on this earth. I've been guzzling at least three bottles a week since. I mean the BIG 46 ounce bottles, not the little sissy single-serving bottles for regular people.

But all that is just setting the scene.

One week I had drunk all of my V8 faster than normal, so that I ran out. I went two full days without as I anxiously waited for grocery shopping day. Finally I arrived home laden with bottles. No sooner had I set down the bags when I pulled one out. My hands shaking from withdrawal (not really, but it makes for a better story), I eagerly twisted off the cap and lifted the bottle to my lips.

I drank. And drank. And drank. When I finally set down the bottle to take a breath, I had drunk about 40 ounces. On an empty stomach. Nevertheless, my thirst was sated, and I went about my business without another thought.

An hour or so later, I felt a vague rumbling in my guts. I went to the bathroom, expecting a non-descript number two. Perhaps a B or C class.

I was stunned that instead of the regular load, my guts "evacuated" fluid. In fact, it was about 40 ounces of fluid. I realized that the V8 had passed straight through me without even taking the time to see the sights. Naturally it didn't LOOK like V8 any more, but that's what it was. My colon has never felt cleaner.

The moral of the story is...uh...if your guts feel mucky, drink V8!