This weekend was the East Coast Reptile Show. This was a red-letter day for me and the Mrs. I'm not particularly into reptiles, but there are always tarantula breeders there, and we were looking forward to adding to our dwindling collection. The timing seemed particularly serendipitous, since in the previous week we were just wondering if any were coming up in the near future. If we had procrastinated in our search, we would have missed it completely.

It was with great anticipation that we awaited the date of the reptile show. We had always had such fun at them in the past. There were snakes, chameleons, turtles, and of course, dozens of beautiful, beautiful tarantulas. We always came home with a number of arachnids, and even a centipede once. The combination of decent prices and the privilege of picking out the tarantulas ourselves made it a great experience. We expected nothing less this time around. We even half-joked about going both days of the expo.

So our excitement level was nearly incomparable as we walked through the doors of the convention center. In moments we were surrounded by rows of vendors with all sorts of wares.

As we wandered up and down the rows, though, our excitement was slowly replaced by desolation. Where were the tarantulas? The scorpions? The whip scorpions? The centipedes? Something was terribly wrong. In the end, it seemed that out of the dozens of tables and vendors, there were only THREE half-assed arachnid vendors, and their selections decidedly sucked.

We would not be deterred, though. We went home with three Black Emperor Scorpions, a pair of Fiery Redrumps, and an Usambar Baboon. That was the best we could draw from their anemic selection. So very, very sad.

That's not the worst part of it, though. Just to show that God is not satisfied with merely disappointing me but also enjoys despair with a  dash of irony, the Lancaster County Reptile Show was scheduled for the following weekend&ldots;the same date I have to go to a friggin' wedding! AUGH! Why God, why do you hate me? What have I ever done to you?

That reminds me! In a few short weeks I'll be 33 years old! All I have to do is make it one more year, and I'll be alive longer than Jesus! On my 34th birthday, I'll blow out my candles and shout, "In your face, Christ!"

Where was I? Oh yeah, why do you hate me, God?