Fervently Axed Quills
Fat-Assed Queens
Whatever you call it, this is where I answer all of those inquires that are put to me most often.
Why make a FAQ?
Peer pressure.
Who the hell do you think you are, anyway?
I am the apex of humanity, the culmination of billions of generations, I am the final purpose of all of that sweating, pantng, desperate procreation. Now if only I could get a job...
Why did you see fit to plague us with your web page?
I needed to learn some hypertext and create an online survey for a class. It all kinda spread like cancer from there.
Can you hold your liquor?
Sure, until my arm gets tired.
Who is your idol?
Ejo Likrem, the god I made out of soap and put on my dresser. He requires yearly sacrifices of swiss cheese and demands that his followers eat pizza at least once a week. Hey! I sense the formation of a new mind-control cult!
Why did you end up the way you have?
Poor genetic material.
Do you have any tattoos?
Yeah, one on my butt that says, "Exit Only".
Have you ever been abducted by aliens?
No, but I have abducted aliens.
So you wanna go have sex?
Sure. (No, I've never been asked this, but just in case...)
Do you have any STD's?
Only the ones you get from not using it.
What's the stupidest pun you can think of right this second?
Ah, Faq off.
When will you throw off you earthly shackles and lead us, oh master?
Soon, mortal man. Soon.