The O.J. Simpson School of Felonious Crime

Some people simply don't have the patience to carefully manipulate the legal system and their victims for a payoff. They want rewards immediately, and are willing to use whatever means necessary to take it. This is the school for them. Incidentally, we are proud to have Mr. Simpson as a major contributer to our school, even though, of course, he committed no crime (wink wink). Perhaps it was the gracious help given to him by some of our mobster alumni that encouraged him to donate to the school.

PHYS201- Body Building

Strength and physical dominance is important for any violent criminal. A combination of weight training ant steroid therapy ensure that our students achieve considerable mass and strength. This class must be taken each semester.(3 credits total)

PHYS202- Pain Tolerence

On alternating days for PHYS201, students are tought to endure pain and discomfort from a variety of causes. This class covers an entire year.(3 credits total)

PHYS301- Martial Arts

This class builds on the required physical education classes, making students proficient in myriad styles of armed and unarmed combat. This class covers an entire year.(3 credits total)

GUNS101- Introduction to Firearms

There is more to guns than simply using them to shoot people. This class outlines basic gun care requirements and how to obtain illegal firearms.(3 credits)

LAW344- The Law and Illegal Weapons

Laws concerning various concealment laws and legality issues across all states.(3 credits)

LAW345- Creative Defenses

Because courts frown most strongly on violent criminals, students must have a battery of defenses prepared to take the criminal system off-guard and, at the very least, gain public attention and fifteen minutes of fame.(3 credits)

JAIL101- Climbing to the Top in Prison

Prison society is based on a very simple pecking order, where the strong do what the will and the weak accept what they must in whatever orifice the strong decide to shove it into. Students learn how to intimidate, beat, and kill to become the top dog in prison.(3 credits)

ROB101- Basic Personal Robbery

Teaches the student how to best take personal items from another person with minimal trouble and legal exposure.(3 credits)

ROB102- Basic Institutional Robbery

Focusing on places like banks and convenience stores, this class is similar to ROB101 except it gives special consideration to the extra security in these targets.(3 credits)

KILL101- License to Kill

When a criminal contemplates killing someone, he or she must consider a cost/benefit analysis, weighing the rewards versus the risk of capture or retaliation. This class will allow students to make intelligent decisions whether or not to commit murder.(3 credits)

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