January 21, 1998

Speaking of environmentalism,I've been thinking a bit about our self-proclaimed saviors of the world. I realized that they're as full of shit as the tobacco companies. Modern environmentalist groups don't really give a damn about any ecology, but instead have embarked on a semi-religious crusade to revert us back to the stone age. Now I'm all for the use of sustainable lumbering, the responsible disposal of toxic waste, and the protection of ecological niches, but the consistant alarmism of environmental groups is getting on my nerves.

Global Warming, for example, is a joke. Nobody can agree on what its efects will be, if any. Hell, in the 70's they were predicting an ice age and the exhaustion of fossil fuels by the year 2000. Along those lines, El Nino, according to every meteorologist I've talked to, was blown WAY out of proportion.

I wonder if any of these people actually know what nature IS. Oh sure, it's all well and good to be sitting in your centrally-heated living room, drinking a coke, and waiting for your pizza to arrive and look outside your window at the one sickly tree in your front yard and say, "gee, I like nature." Oh how the song would change if we humans, who rather conspicously lack speed, claws, or any other form of natural defence, were stripped of our technology and cast out into "nature" amongst the predators. No more football on Sundays, no more popping down to a convenience store when you run out of milk, no more Sealy Posturpedic matresses with thick comfortors to keep out the cold... Nope, nature sucks. Glad I'm not there.

Al Gore, I believe, said that if we continue to abuse the planet, it will strike back. To that, I say, PRE-EMPTATORY STRIKE! Nuke the Amazon! Napalm the Congo! Build factories that generate nothing but toxic waste and dump it into the sea! Strip mine everything! PAVE THE PLANET!! By golly, if we're gonna go down, we'll take the planet with us!

Of course, industries lie, too. They'd have us believe that cyanide is good for you. The truth is in the middle somewhere.

That was kinda preachy, but I had to get it off my chest.


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