January 27, 24 J.E.

Damn, I'm sane. I'm saner than all my friends. I am, without a doubt, the most sane person I know. I'm so sane it drives me NUTS!

Oh sure, it's fashionable for one of my profession (creative slacker college student computer/internet nerd) to SAY they're insane, or even PRETEND to be insane. Of course, most people just assume I'm insane by reading this webpage, foolishly confusing a different outlook on life with madness. I suppose this is reasonable, though, since most creative people are a few beers short of a six pack. Take Van Gogh, for example. Anybody who cuts of his ear and gives it to his love interest has problems.

Everybody's a little insane though. Everybody has their phobias, their hang-ups (like me and bi chicks), their reality filters, and such, but after wasting an afternoon perusing the pages of people who honestly believe that they're "vampyres" and the eating-disordered, manic-depressive, drug-using, self-mutilating, Tori-Amos-loving, all-small-letters-typing teenaged bisexual females, I've determined that I'm PATHOLOGICALLY sane. I'm EXTREMELY emotionally stable, I second guess all of the bizarre little impulses that spew out of the dark corners of my brain, and, besides some bad times in my teens and periods of extraordinary stress, I've never been self-destructive. Does this make me boring? Maybe, but I'll live until I'm 200! Of course, that makes me just a little saner than the average person. I still have my irrationalities, mostly a host of conflicting ideals and desires that often leave me paralyzed. Oh well!

BTW: I should clarify my stance on bi-chicks, before anybody gets the wrong idea. It's not like I'm prejudiced against them or have any feelings against them. I'd be perfectly willing to be friends with them and have in the past, since usually they're just iconoclastical enough to be cool, and I like that. The problem is, every one I've known (2 very well, others less well) have followed the same pattern I've mentioned above (eating-disorderd, manic-depressive, etc.). It's practically a friggin' syndrome. If I was a psychologist, I'd write a paper on it and become famous. On the bright side, though, the ones who survive seem to grow out of it. I'm sure there are exceptions, of course, since my limited observations are hardly statistically significant, and they're no more messed up than straight chicks, or straight/gay/bi dudes in the same age group. IT'S A HANG-UP, OKAY??? GIMMIE A BREAK!! I'M TRYING TO COME TO GRIPS WITH IT!! Thank you, please drive through.


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