Goal: To become supreme global dictator.
Current Address: Dome 665, Moon Base Gamma, Moon
Future Address: Pit 42, 4th Level, Hell
EDUCATION:
B.A. in Despotism, Minor in Mind Control, God's Concentration Camp, PA, May, 1996
Master's Degree in Imperialism, Bob's Education Hut, PA, May, 1998
EXPERIENCE:
10/73-10/76 Professional Infant
Was the first born of two first borns, created four grandparents, and drove caretakers to verge of madness. Duties included crying, making messes, and contributing to the general level of chaos in the household. Successfully completed toilet training and made the transition to solid food.
10/76-3/80 CLASSIFIED
3/80-9/85 Drug Tester, FDA
Was intrumental in itemizing the effects of various costrolled substances, including, but not limited to, alcohol, THC, cocaine, morphine, opium, nicotine, valium, and birth control pills.
9/85-12/89 Unknown
Although I have no recall of these years, I'm sure I did something worthwhile.
12/89-5/92 Public Drug Administrator
While posing as a short-order cook in a restaurant owned by a certain government agency, personally laced the food of thousands of customers with chemicals that made them more inclined to perform in accordance with the public good as defined by said agency.
5/92-5/96 Concentration Camp Inmate
Performed duties required of me in terms of attending reprogramming sessions with periods heavy industrial work; Won Inmate of the Month Award twice; Was released as a completely normal and functioning member of society.
5/96-present Professional Conspirator
As a stepping stone to my eventual dominance of the global political, social, and economic policy, I am garnering support among the mindless masses, ensuring their loyalty by getting them addicted to a drug that I synthesized myself.
SKILLS:
Literate
High tolerance to most illicit substances
Manipulation of the elderly
MS Office
Can watch TV for hours
HTML programming
Appearing normal in casual conversation