Yes, that's right, the world has survived another year since that blessed day in which destiny was fulfilled and I was born. The beginning of a new age of coolness had come upon the Earth to be led by me. Can you really deny all that's happened since I was born? The Microcomputer was developed, the Electronic Revolution began, the Cold War ended, we crushed Iraq, the stock market crossed the 10,000 mark, inflation came under control, and the Internet allowed cheap, fast porn to be accessible to everyone without the need to go to embarrassing porn stores.
Yep, it's been a rockin' 26 years. Of course, there is SOME evidence that the world has yet to accept my greatness. The Spice Girls, for example, are a definite sign that although the planet has improved tremendously since the B.J.E. years, but it ain't perfect yet.
After all, look at my life.
Now that a new year has come, I find it customary to look back ont he past 365 days and evaluate it. Over the past year, I've moved 3 times, had 3 different jobs, got screwed over by 2 psycho broads and 1 asshole, spent time in 9 states, had sex 0 times, visited 0 foreign countries, got drunk 12 times (that I can remember), decided that Memphis sucks, killed 0 Communists, allowed the cyclops out of his cage 1 time, had two pet scorpions die, and became 54% more disallusioned.
As miserable as the last year was, this year is DEFINITELY looking up. I ditched my crappy old job and after much struggling FINALLY got a much better job in a much happier company for much better money. I'm just so ridiculously happy I could just hurl all over myself.
There are three things that make me happy in this world: having my own place, having a good job, and getting laid.
Two out of three ain't bad.
I just wish I could have found this happiness while I was still young enough to enjoy it. Now I'm old, though. Old, old, old. Better to die old and happy, I guess. And better to die with a big weiner that's hardly used than a vienna sausage that's done a billion broads.
