I know I'm getting old when holidays become a drag. I remember a time not so long ago when I was breathless with anticipation for WEEKS before Christmas. Now it's just another holiday. What makes it worse is that now I have to drive 5 friggin' hours to get home lest I be beaten with the horrific force of the dreaded maternal guilt trip. I have to do the same thing this weekend to meet with old friends and fulfill other familial obligations. All I know is, after these holidays I'm going to need a vacation.
The BIG news is, though, that we've finally reached the year 2,000 C.E. With this year comes a near hysteria surrounding the triumverate of zeros. Some people believe that Jesus Christ is coming again and that the world will end. I suspect that they'll be pretty darn surprised by the total lack of anything religious happening. Then there are those who are merely expecting the collapse of every computer and the end of civilization. They're in for a rude awakening when they find themselves with a mountainous supply of toilet paper and not enough asses to use it on. Then there are those who are going to go party and probably get laid. They may not get laid, but they can at least get enough booze in their systems to not care.
Sadly, I'm none of those. I'll be driving ALL the way back to Pittsburgh to hang out with old college buddies, none of whom is an attractive, single chick. They're either male or married, one with a bun in the oven. I shan't be scoring that night, nor any night in the foreseeable future.
The irony of all this is that simple fact that all of this silliness could have been avoided if the Morons In Charge had simply switched to J.E. years sooner. Since the current year is only 26 J.E., they'd have 74 more years to fix things before it turned over to the year 100.
"But wait a minute," some geek in the back says, "the J.E. year is still smaller than the current last two numerals, so you'd have the same problem!"
My loyal followers immediately grab the heathen and rush him of to the concentration camp. I patiently point out that if the M.I.C. had recognized my greatness sooner and started the clock ticking at 0 J.E. (1973 C.E.), just when computers were getting going, this whole problem could have been avoided. Wouldn't that just be grand? They'd have a whole CENTURY to worry about Y1C (that's year 100, dumbasses).
By then, of course, all of the religious nutcases will start claiming that I would be taken bodily into heaven to signal the end of the world when actually I'd just be drinking and banging hot chicks, but whatever.
