Valentine's Day. What an unmitigated piece-of-crap holiday. Oh sure, I know what you're thinking. "Jason, that awesome stud-boy that he is, hates Valentine's Day because womankind has chosen to shun him out of fear of the one-eyed beast lurking in his pants." And to that I would say, NO, you're totally WRONG! Sure, that doesn't help, that everyone else in the world rubs their happiness and wild propogation in my face, but that's not the real reason.
Did you ever notice that the initials of Valentine's Day are VD? Sure, you probably have. Have you also made the connection between the shared initals of that holiday and venereal diseas? Yeah, you might have. BUT DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS???
I didn't think so.
Valentine's Day is a creation of the companies that manufacture drugs to combat STD's and those that make contraceptives!! They've gone and created a holiday that encourages people to rut like pigs, thus making it worthwhile to buy that jumbo-sized box of double-ribbed lubricated French ticklers. Furthermore, it emphasizes the "spontaneous" and "romantic" fucking, which usually translates to using prayer as the only means of safety. Prayer, as we know, is a poor substitute for anything (except impressing religious chicks). Therefore, it's all an artificial creation of the powerful protection-treatment sexual conspiracy! I suspect that condom makers, for example, sabotage their own products so anti-herpes drug makers can have a piece of the pie! It's true!
While we're on the subject, FOX is doing something unprecedented in history (to my knowledge, anyway). They are having that show, "Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire?" In this groundbreaking show, fifty hot chicks are going to compete for the favor of a multi-millionaire. This guy whill choose ONE of the chicks to actually LEGALLY marry at the end of the show. I haven't been a big follower of those doomsayers who always claim that American society is declining, but DAMN! This is some pretty hard evidence. Why would these dumb broads be willing to do this? Are that THAT shallow that they'll take any man as long as he's got multi-millions? And what's up with the guy? What's in it for him? You'd think he could get tons of chicks ANYWAY!
I think it would be as funny as hell if he was some 5'2" 400 lb three-eyed one-legged MUTANT with the personality of Hitler with hemorrhoids came strolling out from behind the curtain. I bet the chicks would STILL do him. Well, it's on tomorrow night, and I'LL be tuning in.
Yesterday I bought some new black clothes for Valentine's Day. In the pocket of my pants, I found a little tag. It read, "Inspected with Pride by Dianne". Dianne was in my pants, and she liked what she found!
I just KILL me to death!!
