Well, I saw it. I saw Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire. I had predicted that it would be a landmark example of bad taste. Based on the advertisements, I beleived that it would be historically controversial and yet sublimely entertaining.
I was so disappointed.
Instead of a poignant reminder of what people REALLY want to see, it was some poor excuse for a Beauty Pageant, completely uninspired, and lacking even rudimentary sleaziness. In fact, it was arguably in better taste than one of those lame-o Miss America things, since the average age of the contestants was 28.62 years, median 30 years, with a range of 19 to 43, so it wasn't all little 21 year-old sluts. Additionally, in the end, the guys picks an rather unimpressive-looking 'ho.
On the other hand, it was a marriage, supposedly one of the most sacred covenants between two people (or the greatest swindle ever conceived-you decide). In this show, it was placed on a par with Regis Philbin and his prime-time death machine. Maybe that was why I thought it would be more exciting than it was.
Do you know what I was expecting? 50 blonde, 5'11" models with D-cups and about 100 IQ points between them. I wasn't just dreaming, either. THAT'S WHAT THE COMMERCIALS SHOWED! The advertisements depicted REALLY hot chicks parading around in bikinis. I don't know what film that was, but I want to see THAT show, and not the mealy-mouthed drivel they dragged out of the pit of mediocrity and slapped on my television screen half-cooked and still flopping slightly. Now don't get me wrong, all of the chicks met my MAPP (Minimum Acceptable Physical Parameters), but only a handful met the requirements for the Board of Standards for Hot Broads. In fact, only ONE I could see had silicone boobs!
TELEVISION HAS BETRAYED ME! Oh, the horror! If you can't trust programming executives, whom can you trust?? Well, that's it. I hereby refuse to watch ANY programming on FOX...except for Police and disaster videos, Simpsons, Futurama, and anything else that seems interesting, but that's IT!
I'm glad I taped it. I ended up fast forwarding through half of it.
