I've been thinking again.
I know, I said I would stop, but I just can't. I do it a home when I'm by myself, and sometimes I even sneak in a quick thought while I'm at work. Yes, I think and drive, too. I know it's bad, but I just can't help myself.
Unless you're a recent immigrant from Nepal, you're surely aware of the so-called "zero tolerance policy" being adopted by many schools since a couple of nutcases shot up Columbine and a handful of slacker copycats followed suit. Under the cover story of "protecting the kids", they've used that as a blanket excuse to crush anybody who's a little weird, with perhaps differently colored hair or dark clothes or independent thought. Hell, I KNOW I would have been thrown out of school under that stupid rule, since I drew doodles people getting killed all the time in a variety of hideous ways. I'm thinking that having authority figures leaning on teased, outcast kids might be the thing that pushes them over the edge and causes them to go nuts and mow down their math class. I mean, hell, I haven't killed anybody, and I had a very violent imagination.
Not since 'Nam, anyway, but I was just serving my country.
Well, there was that one time at the railroad yard…and that dude in the subway. Oh yes, and that busload of nuns.
Come to think of it, most people haven't killed as many as I have, but that's beside the point! What REALLY bugs me is that thing about not allowing anything into schools that could be used as a weapon, including nail files, berets, and other such things. Sure, I can understand why assault rifles and switchblades should be frowned upon, but that broad and arbitrary criteria of "anything that can be used as a weapon" is just open to abuse. After all, technically you'd have to ban pencils, pens, scissors, rulers, spiral notebooks, shoelaces, belts, compasses, paintbrushes, markers, keys, glasses, hardcover books, rings, chairs, baseball bats, football helmets, balls, desks, chalk, teeth, arms, legs, walls, floors, forks, spoons, trays, and shotguns. Kiss my hairy but, brain-dead school administrators who couldn't get real jobs as GYM TEACHERS so they became principals!
I have also decided that the southern states were not worth the spilling of Yankee blood to keep. If Abraham Lincoln could see the backward, yokel-infested, intellectually stagnant cesspool the south has become, he would surely have said, "So long southern states! Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out!" The rest of the nation would breathe a sigh of relief. "Boy," they'd think, "we thought they'd NEVER leave!" Oh sure, you say that Florida isn't too bad, but that's only because northerners have taken it over. Hell, the CSA would qualify as third-world country. We'd be better off being rid of them.
My brother, however, came up with a drawback. Yes indeed, although he is not of divine origin as I am, I believe the years bathing in the radiance of my intellect has stimulated his human brains to heights unattainable by most normals. He pointed out that we would have the same problem we have today with illegal immigrants from Mexico, except that we'd have to protect a border that's three times longer. I must grudgingly admit that this may be worse than just putting up with them in the long run, but at least we'll be allowed to shoot a few of them as they tried to get past the razor wire.
Yep, I would have been thrown out of school for sure.
