Pornography.
Is there a sweeter word in the English language? Let me say it again.
Pornography.
Ahhhh.
So anyway, it's no question what guys get out of porn. Men being the more visually stimulated sex (or so they tell me) often rely on porn to fulfill their sexual appetites when their squeeze "has a headache" or if they're simply too nice and intelligent to get a real chick. I mean, heck, you can't get anybody pregnant and you can't get STD's and you don't have to worry about any crap like relationships. You sure as hell don't have to buy porn flowers (although flowers are plant genitalia, so it's the same thing).
I do have a certain beef with porn, though. It's not that I buy that crap that it demeans women or encourages violence against them. If anybody's being exploited, it's the poor men who are paying out the ass for it. No, my dislike for it is based purely on the apparent need for gynecological close-ups. Egad, if I wanted to see that, I'd just buy some chipped ham and bury my face in it. It'll be cheaper, and I can eat it with a little mayonnaise later (no sick metaphors intended). I do credit such hardcore close-up porn for educating me on the female anatomy, but with little else. I can't believe that people actually get turned on by that crap.
I guess there's no accounting for taste. Some guys are turned on by blondes, some by brunettes. Some are intrigued by chicks with boobs so huge they need a kickstand or the broads so fat they need a dump truck to get to the bathroom. Some guys find pleasure in watching chicks pop balloons while others are driven mad by women crushing gerbils underfoot. It's a sick, sad world.
The REAL mystery, though, is porn for chicks. I once read a Playgirl purely by the desire gain intelligence on my enemy. Ironically, I saw a pretty fair number of naked chicks in this magazine made FOR chicks. Granted, it was in the context of them being done by guys, but it was still kind of odd. "That's 'cause all chicks are bi!" the jock in the back with the reversed baseball cap shouts. Bullshit, I answer, that's just a neanderthalithic fantasy, you closet donut-puncher. They also had ads selling lesbian tapes, and that seemed kind of self-defeating.
What really bugged me, though, is the fact that all of the guys in the magazine were completely limp-dicked! For crying out loud! When it's limp, it's an organ used exclusively for pissing! It's only when it's a big, hard, throbbing, torpedo-of-love is it a sexual appendage! Maybe that's just a symptom of a guy's complete inability to fake being turned on.
Pornography.
