I hear a lot about Voyeur TV what with the success of MTV's the Real World , Survivor burning up the airwaves, and Big Brother managing to stave off early cancellation. Sure, people bitch a lot about it, calling Americans a bunch of sickos for wanting to see these shows. If you've been around the Internet at all, though, you'll see no shortage of people who gleefully splash their entire lives onto the World Wide Web. No detail is too minute, no event too inconsequential for their HTML diaries. I would reckon that for every voyeur there's at least one exhibitionist wagging his/her most intimate thoughts for the world to see.
Personally, they bore the hell out of me. Far be it from me to buck a trend, though! You know me! Whichever way the crowd's going, by golly I'm there, even going along with the contradictory parts! Therefore, due to underwhelming demand, I have included my first ever minute-by minute account of my day! Are you ready?
7:30 AM - Alarm clock goes off
7:34 AM - Slap alarm clock
7:55 AM - Crawl out of bed
7:56 AM - Brush teeth
7:58 AM - Put in Contacts
7:59 AM - Take a piss
8:00 AM - Shower
8:05 AM - Dress
8:08 AM - Feed Bearded Dragons
8:10 AM - Leave apartment and get into car and drive toward work
8:25 AM - Arrive at work
8:34 AM - Punch in (obviously some time lost to alien abduction)
8:36 AM - Arrive at desk and turn on computer
8:40 AM - Check E-mail and do preliminary routine stuff
8:45 AM - Complain to fellow coworker about the work I have to do, about how it'll take forever to get done
9:30 AM - Begin working
9:42 AM - Play "6 Degrees to Kevin Bacon" with coworker
10:30 AM - Resume working
10:55 AM - Bang head off desk and moan
11:30 AM - Resume working
12:05 PM - Have a flashback to my days in Vietnam
12:35 PM - Take a piss
12:40 PM - Resume working
1:23 PM - Go to lunch
1:55 PM - Return from lunch and resume working
1:30 PM - Fantasize about Angie Everhart swimming in shaving cream
2:36 PM - Conjure images of Cindy Crawford with a million dollar check for me
2:39 PM - Daydream of Letitia Casta cleaning my apartment
2:44 PM - Visualize Danny Divito in a bikini
2:45 PM - Vomit
2:50 PM - Resume working
3:05 PM - Screw around in the Internet
3:30 PM - Talk about last night's Simpsons
4:15 PM - Resume working
4:30 PM - Swear bitterly about the crappy work I have to do
4:45 PM - Stare blankly at the computer screen
5:30 PM - Punch out
5:31 PM - Complain that my work will never get done
5:45 PM - Begin working out in the downstairs gym
6:45 PM - Finish working out
7:00 PM - Arrive home
7:02 PM - Check mail
7:04 PM - Re-enter apartment
7:06 PM - Feed Bearded dragons and get bitten (little ingrates!)
7:10 PM - Check tarantulas
7:12 PM - Take out contacts
7:15 PM - Cook dinner
7:30 PM - Read Stuff Magazine while eating dinner
7:43 PM - Receive phone call, but it's a wrong number
?:?? PM - Don't remember
9:00 PM - Log on
9:02 PM - Begin looking for worthwhile Internet porn
10:00 PM - Give up and check E-mail
10:15 PM - Drool time
10:30 PM - Begin writing this thing
So there you have it! The entire uncensored Day of Jason! By golly, I'll write one every single day. I'll continue to write them at this link, erasing the previous one, so you'd better check every day! Don't be alarmed if it doesn't seem to change much. I lead a stable life.
I feel so dirty.
