I've noticed something. I've never met a vegetarian whom I believed was playing with a full set of marbles. The few vegans I've met are definitely juggling with their hands tied behinds their backs. I've never had the unique pleasure of meeting a fruitarian, but from what I've read on the Internet, they're the most crackheaded of them all. Based on this evidence, I submit the thesis that the lack of animal protein disrupts the brain's normal functions, and creating a syndrome characterized by the disappearance of rational thought and the tendency to annoy people with constant pointless ranting. I still have rational thought, so I don't fit the bill.
If you are one of those people who has arbitrarily eschewed the consumption of non-vegetable protein, please quit reading now and go back to talking to the little pink pixies buzzing around your head.
I won't spend too much time with my litany of complaints against the mildly vegetarians and their fanatical ilk, vegans. After all, a "vegetarian", one who still drinks milk, eats eggs, and wouldn't gulp down a pound of calomel to purge their systems just because it turned out they were accidentally eating a beef burrito, is usually a fairly normal person who's just out to do their own thing. It makes them odd, but not overtly evil. Vegans are the knuckleheaded crusaders who insist on not consuming or using anything that could have conceivably exploited one of our animal brethren. I think that my fist-shaking at the devil-worshipping quasi-commie druggy PETA folks in the past more than covers their sins against sanity.
Fruitarians, though, are the most cranially-deficient of all. In case you haven't gathered by the name, these are people who wouldn't even exploit those helpless little vegetables, such as grains and beans. Nope, you're only allowed to eat fruits, nuts, and seeds, and sometimes not even nuts and seeds!. That certainly is a limited menu, isn't it? That means no more sandwiches, pies, fajitas, barbecues…come to think of it, all you're left with is fruit salad! Egad!
The flagship site of this madness is, appropriately enough, www.fruitarian.com. This site has a long list of links to articles, but about 70% of them are inactive. Some of their claims include that diseases, including AIDS, are caused by bad diets as opposed to microorganisms. Never mind the fact that their source for this is an ex-drug addict, they insist that the consumption of animal protein causes cancer and all of the other maladies of humanity. I didn't read it all, but I'm sure there's something in their about the flat Earth and the sun rotating around it.
Then there's the Fruitarian Universal Network (http://www.student.nada.kth.se/~f95-mwi/fun/). In this person's FAQ, there is the question of how one can get enough protein with a fruitarian diet. This person preposterously claims that a fruitarian's body changes to require far less protein than an omnivore (I call this condition death). The author then goes on to say that even if one still needed 30 grams of protein, they could get all of that from fruit. The author said that he/she eats 2.5-3.5 kg of fruit a day, and gets all of the protein he/she needs. 3.5 KG??? THAT'S ALMOST 8 POUNDS OF FOOD A DAY! They've got to be shitting an arm length every two hours! It figures that they use metric. I would expect that from those Europeans who were too dumb and lame to cross the Atlantic. If we can't expect them to be bright enough to bail from that armpit of a continent when the had the chance, how can we expect them to be sane in any other area? They also insist on organically grown fruits, ignoring the fact that such plants have higher levels of natural pesticides that can make them more harmful than commercially-grown fruits.
This little site (http://venus.nildram.co.uk/veganmc/laurie.htm) claims that unspecified fruits are the perfect food because they supposedly closely match the properties of boob milk. Relative serving sizes are, of course, omitted, and the fact that the actual proportional deviance is LESS with cow's milk doesn't seem to have an impact. One of this predictably European chick's arguments justifying the lower protein in fruits is that grown adults need less protein than babies. Right. Of course a baby, which on average will weigh about 5% of what an adult weighs, needs more protein. Proportionately, I would agree, but this idiot's talking in absolute values. I also kind of suspect that an adolescent needs more protein than an adult and a baby put together. Heck, I needed to eat a hamburger a day just to sustain my penis growth!
I saved the best for last: The Fruitarian Network (http://spot.acorn.net/fruitarian/). I will entreat you to just a little of the unbelievable bullshit this imbecile is spewing. All errors are as they appeared on the web page.
"Eat lima beans, peas. Limas are better than potatoes. Potatoes grow under the ground. Just as a potato avoids the sunlight, its biochemical effect on us when we eat them is that we want to avoid the sunlight."
"A green thumb comes to those who love plants. The plants feel it, and grow more quickly around those who love them."
"Only fruit contains the seeds of eternity.. as compared to the bones and grease left from a meat meal, the eggshells left after the bird's spirit has flown and her potential body been consumed."
"Meat comes from butchered animals. Vegetables comes from sacrificed plants. Dairy products are stolen. Only fruit is gently and totally given. Compare the screams of agony in a slaughterhouse.. to the silent growth in the orchard.. as fruit trees weave and spin the sun into pink peaches, golden pears, bronze nuts, limes (whose crosssections look like stained glass when held up to their sire the sun)."
"No matter is needed to ground Spirit. In addition Spirit can manifest in any being. However, there are optimum diets for the transmission of Spirit, its grounding, alighting, descent, the Touch Down, just as platinum wiring is better than copper wiring is better than rusty old wiring. Fruitarian biochemicals ground God's lightning. Heavy thoughts create a desire for heavier food. Light thoughts create a desire for light food. When one is tired or angry or depressed that is the time for the greatest discipline. "Expand in response to pain"."
"Just as the infra-red to ultraviolet light spectrum increases in frequency from red through orange and yellow to green blue and violet, so in fruits and foods in general. Therefore, limes are better than lemons. Violet grapes are better than crimson cherries." (as proof that it promotes meditation)
And there's more. There's much more. There is a limit to how much brain-dead drivel I can handle, though. It gets more amusing when this fruitcake contradicts himself.
Therefore, based on this evidence, I contend that the LACK of animal proteins makes people dumb and intellectually laconic. For just as plants are stupid, their chemicals poison our brain cells, causing us to be as stupid as they are. Many berries, such as the nightshade, are poisonous, and the same deadly toxins are found in their cousin, the tomato. Fruits are full of natural insecticides which attack and eventually destroy our livers. Citrus fruits are acidic enough to damage our teeth. It is an adherence to fruitarianism that separates us from the beauty of nature, where, according to God's Plan, we kill and eat whatever we please, just as all other animals do. It is the eating of fruits and vegetables that holds us back from aspiring to the spiritual heights we could achieve, since by eating animals we absorb their life-force and gain meditative insight into what it means to be them.
"Wait a minute!" says the geeky guy near the front. "Isn't that specious reasoning?"
"Sure it is," I respond.
A hush sweeps over the crowd, since for the first time ever I concur with the peanut gallery.
Yep, that's the same kind of bitch-slap to logical thought that those fruitarians use. All I did was paraphrase a few of their conclusions. Heck, I even took the trouble of using TRUE facts most of the time. Well, the things about tomatoes, natural insecticides, and citrus fruit are true, anyway, if highly exaggerated. The rest is all solid B.S. The real story is that these people are nutcases before they even decide to eat fruits (although if they included homosexuals in their menu, that would explain where they get their protein - HA HA!!). After all, what sane person would do something like that?
Is a little moderation too much to ask? Is it insane to believe that we are biologically designed to eat a variety of foods? Well whatever. As long as they're not killing and embezzling, I guess I don't care. If they ever get into power and try to force their views on me, though, I'll feast upon their fruity hearts.
And don't even get me started on the lunacy of the Adkins Diet.
