I'm a pretty hard person to mystify, but occasionally some event occurs that just has me scratching my head and wondering how these things can possibly come to pass. How 13 disjointed coastal colonies managed to become the largest single economy in the world is one such amazing occurrence. How that same country can dredge up two complete knuckleheads to run for president every four years is another one. The ingenuity of Thomas Edison is impressive, as was the Mongol Empire. Then there are the Pyramids, which win out as the most colossal waste of time in history.
The greatest mystery of all, though, is how that sitcom "Sabrina" could have possibly gotten past the drawing board, let alone become a successful TV show! My God, am I mad not to see the attraction? When the hell did abysmally flat acting, shockingly poor jokes, and irrepressibly drab and awful TV shows become cool? Yes, it's even worse than Beverly Hills 90210.
Just in case you're NOT clued in, the show formerly known as "Sabrina, Teenaged Bitch"--uh…I mean "Witch"-and then mercifully shortened to a one word title is about a chick who's a teenaged witch. What a surprise premise, eh? It stars Melissa Joan Hart, who isn't even that hot but whom I'm shamed to admit I would probably do, given my long standing dearth of such carnal things. She's guided by a talking cat that's about as realistic as Sharon Stone's claims of intelligence. Somehow, the sublime hilarity of a young witch screwing up spells all the time captured enough of America's heart to keep it off the cancellation chopping block. It also gave Melissa Joan Hart a movie career. How weird is THAT?
But that's not all. It has a LAUGH TRACK! Sure, that's not a big deal in itself, but this track sounds like came directly from the 50's! It's full of that stale, polite laughter you'd hear on the Flintstones or some other pre-Me show that tried to be funny before humor was invented. I suppose that they're afraid that if it wasn't for the laugh track, nobody would know what was supposed to be amusing. That's a very valid fear.
It's SOOOOO not funny. I have more yucks banging my head on the wall, and that's a lot less painful than watching that show. 5 YEARS this show has been plaguing the airwaves! Calling all religious fanatics! She's a witch! She's, like, glorifying Satan or something! Protest or firebomb the studios or do something equally religious to stop this blight on our fragile little minds!
Damn religious nuts. They're never around when you need them.
So how do I know so much about it? Well, Soleil Moon Frye stars on it now, and she's pretty hot. Sadly, the show was so terrible that not even the hot bod of Soleil could keep me tuned in.
And THAT'S the amazing part.
