ACT II
Scene 4
CAST
Jasonnicus
Guard 1
Guard 2
Inside the courtyard of Troy.
Guards 1 and 2 enter.
Guard 1: OK, ready? One, two, three rock!
Guard 2: Dagger!
Guard 1: Rock smashes dagger!
Guard 2: A pox upon this vile game! Methinks that a woman has a better chance of scoring in Greece than I have of winning this cursed rock-papyrus-dagger game!
Guard 1: 'Tis in the wrist where the gods of this contest are divided from the mortals.
Guard 2: Would ye play this game against a god, ye wouldst be humbled!
Guard 1: Look yonder! A strange new statue doth fill our courtyard!
Guard 2: That is the gift from the Greeks. They left it behind as they fled from our mighty walls in defeat. It was nice of them to make a giant horse to beautify the castle. It was beginning to look a little bleak.
Guard 1: Guard 2, thy talent for recognition is as frail as they gaming skills! That is no horse!
Guard 2: Well, I did not say it was a GOOD horse.
Guard 1: Does not a horse have legs?
Guard 2: Perhaps they ran out of wood.
Guard 1: Dost a horse have a single eye in the middle of its face?
Guard 2: I know not the visage of horses in Greece. Perhaps they have only one eye like the Cyclops.
Guard 1: And what of those two large round things at its base?
Guard 2: Those are perhaps it haunches.
Guard 1: Now see! There is a man climbing from its eye! Now another one! When has thou seen a horse do that?
Guard 2: Very well then, if thou art so smart, what manner of beast is it?
Guard 1: Have ye not heard the myth of the one-eyed albino Pennsylvanian pants python? It is said to lurk in the hills of Greece, preying upon women and turning them into its worshippers. It is said to spew soldiers from its one eye just like that one is now!
Guard 2: You are mad! Pants pythons indeed!
Guard 1: Look now, one of the soldiers comes hither. Surely he will know what manner of beast from which he has sprung forth. Excuse me fellow-
Jasonnicus enters,
Jasonnicus: Die, foul dog of Troy!
Jasonnicus slays Guard 1
Jasonnicus exits.
Guard 2: Hey!
