Miscellaneous Items

Putting the phone in a locked soundproof room wasn't really an option so something had to be done to stop an army of toddlers phoning up complete strangers and telling them about what they had done in their potty.

The solution came from those geniuses at the legendary Fisher Price toy company who created a "substitute" chatter telephone. This marvel of mechanics even rang when you dialled a number (unlike real rotary dial phones which make a clicky sound when dialling).

The only flaw in this plan was that there wasn't anyone else on the other end of the phone except maybe an imaginary friend, so into the design was incorporated wheels so you could use it as a mobile and a friendly face with moving eyes. These features should have been enough to make up for any lack of conversation (if you have to you can talk to the phone itself).

The push-button era brought an end to this popular toy as it's rotary dial became less relevant to today's society.

Some of the more specific dangers

Swings - How far can a swing swing? Far enough to get a whack on the head from a pair of feet if you got too close like within 30 feet in front of the swing. If it was a hard pair of shoes, stitches in the forehead were often the order of the day.

Chutes/Slides - Seems like a hundred steps to climb, so high in fact the tops were often boxed in to prevent anyone falling over the side when the arguments about whose turn it was started. A liberal amount of wax applied to the surface of the slide to give it an effective non-friction and it was wahey!!! ouch bruised backside with gravel embedding.

Spider's Web - The spider's web was a variant of the standard centre-spindle based roundabout. It was environmentally friendly as it was apparently constructed from pieces of old scaffolding. The pipes and bars were placed in a circular framework, this "web" was suspended several feet from the ground. Full use was made of the web by getting approximately 8-10 children of various sizes clambered upon it and momentum was slowly built up by several of them pushing it from within the two outermost bars. As the speed built up another 4-5 children would try to jump on, which in itself caused a few minor scratches and bruises if they failed.
On a normal roundabout, with a low wooden base, speed was restricted as the centrifugal force would push the child away from it as the rotations got faster and so had a certain amount of safety built-in. No such problems with the "Web". On achieving "take off speed" one or two of the larger children, with strong legs would work their way towards as near to the centre as possible, shout a warning and then start pushing for all they were worth, this caused a rapid increase in rotational speed of the roundabout and anyone on the edge would understand what it is like to have their entire blood supply in their ankles. If anyone was not holding on tight enough for whatever reason they would normally be thrown several yards clear and end up with large pieces of flesh missing from their unprotected knees and elbows.
The fun didn't stop there as when "pushing" was complete and friction caused the web to gradually slow to a stop everyone on it was overcome with massive doses of motion sickness which usually lingered for several hours.

Climbing Frames - Height is no object when it comes to modular construction, 10 feet, 20 feet, 30 feet... limbs in plaster at the dinner table.

See-Saw - Yet again these exist today but in a much tamer form. Your classic See-Saw was a lot longer than the ones that exist these days. In the "old days" they seemed to be about 90 feet long and had a small plastic seat and large metal handhold at either end. There was a large unit in the middle that was supposed to slow down the ups and downs thus making the cycle longer and reducing the chances of injury (as I said supposed). The see-saw had two modes of operation :-

1. Bum Bruising - Normally the largest person on the "downward" part of the cycle would land as heavly and as suddenly as they could thus imparting a massive amount of upward energy into the see-saw. The child on the other side would then be lifted many inches or sometimes feet off their seat while in mid-air. They would have to hold on for dear life as their backside returned to the seated position, normally being mildly bruised in the process. The good part was this gave them far more force on their "down" swing to do exactly the same thing to the other guy.

2. Maximum Load - The purpose of the exercise was to see how many people you could get on the thing. Given the length of the see-saw 10 or more children was not unknown, and it had to be carefully balanced to allow it to be used. Unfortunatly no handhold existed except for maybe the one or two at the end, so after falling off impact injuries were not uncommon . If it was democratically decided not to stop the thing a half dozen pairs of shoe-clad feet smashing into your body was also a risk. Just for good measure someone would also stand on the middle section testing their sense of balance to the full.

The principle behind the Etch-A-Sketch was a simple one, etch "sketches" on a grey screen by careful manipulation of two rotary dials, which controlled the horizontal and vertical position of the etching tool. When the "sketch" was complete and shown to parents, siblings, grandparents ,dog or any large mammal in the immediate vicinity, the slate was wiped clean by shaking several times, ready to start again on another "sketch".

The major problem came when inspiration was sought by the child, as invariably most objects that exist are not composed entirely of a continous vertical or horizontal line. This became a somewhat restrictive element on the child's artistic ability unless they were destined to be Cubists.

The box that the bright red plastic Etch-A-Sketch came in also tended to be plastered with pictures supposedly created with the toy, driving the child to frustration by destroying a perfectly good masterpiece with a jerky curve. Invariably a major project such as cat or dog would take several attempts to complete, which the child would insist stay on the screen forever until several minutes later when it fell off the sideboard.

And never ever open the Etch-A-Sketch to see how it works unless you want to be washing graphite powder out of your hair for a month.

At the time when most household items only cost a few pennies to buy even a one penny price hike was a substantial one so the "New" half pence was created. This tiny brown coin was popular, especially with children. Unfortunately the high inflation of the 1970s made it virtually worthless in a few short years.

It managed to survive into the early eighties but was taken out of circulation in favour of the new twenty pence and one pound coins.

All this aside the chopper was a wonderful piece of engineering and the designers at Raleigh painted in all sorts of garish colours including green, yellow, silver and purple (the colour of which was the inspiration for the background to these pages).

The BMX craze brought about the end of the chopper age although a few were seen up until the early eighties.

Surprisingly it was solved regularly in shorter and shorter periods of time. There were broadly 3 main ways of solving the rubik's cube -

1. Get a book on how to solve the cube. This is quite easy as the solution relies on the blocks being in specific positions using a fixed set of moves. After a few weeks of practice the whole process becomes automatic and the cube can be solved in a few minutes.

2. If method "1." takes too long, which it usually did then take it to bits and put it back together in the solved manner.

3. Take the stickers off and put them back on in the correct position. Care must be taken when using this method to randomise the cube, it can be made physically unsolvable which really annoys all this clever sods who used method "1.".

It was possible to use them as a very crude method of transport by shifting body weight while bouncing but better results could be achieved by getting off and walking. It would probably get a puncture sooner or later anyway and there was nothing more upsetting to a child than a rapidly deflating space hopper of an unknown species.