October 16th
My quote of the day!
"And all your friends and family think that you're lucky, but the side of you they'll never see is when you're left alone with the memories that hold your life together like glue."
~~ The The, 'This Is The Day'
My thoughts...
I'm trying to figure out what i want with my life. It's so hard to feel so stuck. Cuz i feel like everyone is passing me by. I see people, my friends here at school mainly, and it feels like they all have their lives figured out. They know what they want to do and they're moving toward that goal. I know what i want to do; i want to write -- so desperately, but at the same time i'm realizing that i can't rely on that. i'm not talented enough, and even if i was, i don't know if i could write enough good stuff to publish. I need something else to pay the bills. But i can't bear thinking about doing something that i won't be happy with. i can't. But even as i say that, right now, i know that i'm not happy. i was for awhile andi felt like things were going to be ok, but now i'm starting to question that again. My friends are so busy..they are always busy with something, and eventho i see them pretty regularly, i feel like the time spent together is so quick...filled with small talk. And i used to have connections with these people. I could sit up for hours, even if it was 3am and we had 8am classes, and we'd just talk. Have great conversations about life and relationships and school. And those talks were so important to me cuz they were so honest. I learned so much about myself thru my talks with them. And now i feel like i need to know more about myself, and there's no one to talk to. And there's one boy in particular that i want to open up to. I want to tell him how i feel about him, but i can't. I'm scared of rejection, yes, but mainly i don't wanna lose my friendship with him. We both got to be pretty good friends last semester, i feel so comfortable with him. We flirt all the time, but i think it's just his nature...i dunno, i just like him so much, and i don't want to read too much into things with him, cuz i know i could get really hurt. Cuz chances are, he doesn't feel the same way about me that i feel about him. Anyway, i'm going to go...thanks for listening to me bitch!