Once there was this boy who used to live in a purple shed right in the heart of very cold mountains.
He was a very cute boy when he was bothered to wash and comb his face er I mean his hair
even his sometimes cuteness wasn't enough though, so he was a very lonesome boy and only had his blue dog and green cat for company. One day he heard the circus was in town...
The circus? he thought to himself with excitment. What on earth is a circus? At once a thousand thoughts entered his head so he knew he had to go see it. Teddy (for that is what his name is) invited his dog and cat to join him, but only his cat agreed to go because the dog was much too lazy to come. So they hopped on their mule and rushed off to the circus with all the speed of a speedy mule.
After many moons of traveling in the cool breezey wind, for they did live deep withing the Very Cold Mountains, they finally got to the town of Ogopogo where the circus was taking place. Without even taking two steps into the large town, he immediately spotted a big huge silly looking yellow and red striped tent.
"Wow" he said, transfixed by how enormous is appeard. "Quite amazing, don't you think?" The cat though, was nowhere to be seen. So little lonely Teddy trekked off on his own toward the big huge silly yellow and red striped tent with all the enthusiasm he could muster. If Teddy had known what was on the bottom of his shoe, he'd have thought twice about ignoring it :o
Teddy turned around very startled. He was so exhausted after all those people from the krazy kungfu type alliance thingy posse:D and he gazed into the romantic eyes of a very short girl. She had long stringy hair full of grease wow mama thought Teddy. She had HUGE glasses that looked like mini telescopes. She also had metal braces on. Her face was covered with acne. Teddy whistled. And she said again " I wanna fork! you deaf or something?" she said. Teddy asked " why do you want a fork for?"
She looked annoyed, then she saw Teddys Mule and started admiring it. "Wow" she said, I always wanted to ride a mule. Teddy started grinning not noticing his face was bursting into more acne the more hotter it got.
Teddy did not look for his cat. He asked the girl her name and she said she was called Dorothea Agnes Waterwood. She smelt so nice like rotting shoes and dog faeces. Teddy was in Love...
Teddy, though highly trained in the many kung's of fu, was a bumbling idiot when it came to being suave and romantic. With such a radiant young lady before him, those thick telescope glasses twinkling from reflections of light off the streetlamps that nearly blinded him at certain angles, it made his heart twitter and flutter with excitment.
"So..er..you wanna fork, eh?" he said in his most macho voice. Dorothea looked at him like he was a complete idiot and resumed stroking the donkey's neck. Teddy, deflated by her lack of interest, when to his pack and searched for a fork so to please this enchanting goddess before him. And just as he was about to
turn around and tell her he had no fork, he felt a slight twinge
of pain in his lower back. He thought about saying ow, but he
was out like a light before it ever came out. Teddy's unconscious body hit the ground with a large thud at the feet of Dorothea. She stood above his body and laughed like a raging psycho with terrible hiccups.
But little did she know that Teddy's always loyal green cat Suffix had watched the whole scene from within the shadows of the ultimately silly looking yellow and red striped tent. Suffix had initially wandered off into the alley toward the scent of a month old fish. Delighted at such a wonderous find, he was just about to take his first bite out of it when he heard the outbreaking of a very dangerous and silly fight. Curious and worrysome, he melted into the shadows of the tent and waited to see what would happen. Though Teddy won the fight, the cat knew the girl who smelled worse than his fish would be trouble.
"Damn his hormones" the irritated cat whispered as he watched Dorothea drag Teddy into the suspiciously huge tent. Suffix zipped in just before the tent flap closed down.
To be never continued.. :P
Teddy had chosen this exact moment to stop cold in his tracks...just two steps into
the town, his greasy hair hanging down across his face slowly leading up to the point that
he would achieve pizza-face status in a few days time if he did not wash it, he just stopped
moving. The hairs upon the back of his neck stood on edge...a little to the east where the
big huge silly looking yellow and red striped tent was. "#hmm...i sense something amiss in
this rather amiss situation." A few pale-faced children, pulling the flaps to the side,
walked out of the front of the tent with signs that said "WARNING: MARTIAL ARTS CLOWNS COMING
TO ATTACK YOU"
Suddenly with warning, about half a dozen clowns, all of the angry butt-kicking
persuasion bounded out of the tent as if they meant to do some serious damage. They all
were performing amazing acrobatics and maneuvers as each finalized into a very cool looking
team pose.
"I am Pablo, master of the elephant stance!"
"I am Shikoku, master of the koala style!"
"I am Kang Ta, master of the petunia stance!"
"I am Zachariah, master of the Donald Duck style!"
"I am Mandarin, master of bubblegum!"
"I am Lollipop, master of spaghetti western style!"
"And I am Boxer Shorts, master of buck naked foot!"
(Okay...maybe it was more like half a dozen plus one) "And together we are THE KUNG-FU
CLOWN CLAN! Our master is the great Paboseki...perfecter of the Foot In Crotch Stance"
Almost rather conceitly if I do say so myself, Teddy seemed to yawn at such nonsense.
"We do not take to foreigners coming into our native land!" cried Mandarin, the cute
little Chinese clown of only 8 years who loved chewing on bubblegum and often had bubblegum
dreams of a dreamland full of nothing but bubblegum and bubblegum flavoured products.
"Damare yo!" cried Shikoku, a Japanese aussie who had mastered the combination of
kung-fu, karate, and the training regimen of koalas. Sadly, Shikoku could only eat eucalyptus
leaves and often flew to Melbourne where the outback had the greatest salad bar this side of
the rio grande according to Shikoku.
"WHAT THE....!" cried out Lollipop. Sadly...before they could even see it coming, they
noticed Teddy had shed his rugged, traveler/explorer clothing for the much more comfortable
and smooth look of a man in a orange suit.
"ORANGE IS LOUD" Teddy liked to tell people. Anyways, once the Kung-Fu Clown Clan
had taken notice of this rather unpredicted metamorphosis, Teddy had already began to tip his
fedora and dropped a cigarette to the ground where his free foot (in slow motion mind you)
stepped on it and grinded it into dust and ashes...which is what exactly became of the once
legendary and dreaded Kung-Fu Clown Clan.
"NO!" they cried in unison. Teddy pulled out a classic Thomas sub-machine gun from
within his suit and began to let rip...not wasting a single bullet...Teddy pumped each clown
full to the brim with lead excitement. The Water of Life...or blood as the peons tend to
refer to it spouted like joyous european fountains all over the dry soil...tainting and
staining it a darker shade of the usual brown. Without breaking a sweat...but shattering a
few bones (theirs not his) Teddy plucked down the last kung-fu clown and blew out the smoke
coming from the barrel as if he were in some kind of fictitious story.
"So much for kung-fu movies." You see, Teddy was no ordinary person...Teddy was an
F.B.I. No, not some shoddy crooked underhanded government agency but a Full Blooded Italian.
He was so italian he bled tomato sauce. You could trace his roots all the way back to Adam
and Eve (who were Sicilians by the way) from the Old Country. For the ignorant...Adam and
Eve was just some nice little WASP name to please the folks up north. They were really
Paulie and Marie. Anyway, Teddy was Italiano and knew he didn't hadda take no crap from
nobody.
"I wanna fork!" cried somebody behind Teddy.