This page is composed of all our more Famous Quotes, most of which Fariha found in the forums of compuserve. They're all very wise, so listen up! And enjoy. :o
To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then,is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.
Things are what things are, and as fate as willed, so shall they be fulfilled- Aeschylus ( Fary ).
Mr. Pink: Why do I have to be Mr. Pink?
Joe: Because you're a faggot!
-Joe addressing Mr. Pink (Steve Buscemi) in Reservoir Dogs
"Do or do not, there is no try."
-Yoda The Empire Strikes Back,1980
Be careful of reading health books, you might die of a misprint. -- Mark Twain
There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns
of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
-- Mark Twain
Cauliflower is nothing but Cabbage with a College Education.
-- Mark Twain
Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think of ourselves and how
little we think of everyone else
"Did you ever wonder if the person in the puddle is real, or are you just a
reflection of him?" --Calvin & Hobbes
"Children aren't happy without something to ignore; and that's what parents
were created for." --Ogden Nash
"The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us." --Calvin & Hobbes
"Never judge someone by who he's in love with; judge him by his friends. People fall in love with the most appalling people." --Cynthia Heimel
"The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and
the pessimist fears this is true." --Branch Cabell
"Great artists say that the most beautiful thing in the world is a little baby.
Well, the next most beautiful thing is an old lady, for every wrinkle is a
picture. " May 11, 1930
There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent
past.George Carlin, American Comedian
To find out a girl's faults, praise her to her girl friends. - Ben Franklin
The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and
no one is going to make fun of you. Woody Allen
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it. Groucho Marx
To *you* I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition. Woody Allen
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. Woody Allen
"Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful, provided you can get between the right man and the right woman." Woody Allen.
"Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork. I'm sorry, what was that last one?? Don't eat pork. God has spoken. Is that the word of God or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody?" --Jon Stewart
"Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?" --John
Mendoza
"I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was, 'You'll
never find anyone like me again!' I'm thinking, 'I should hope not! If I don't
want you, why would I want someone like you?' " --Larry Miller
"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my
fishburger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner."
--Lynda Montgomery
"Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God
talks to us we're schizophrenic?" --Lily Tomlin
Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3
friends.
If they're OK, you're it.
For a man to pretend to understand women is bad manners; for him to really understand them is bad morals. - Henry James
If quitters never win, and winners never cheat, then who is the
fool who
said "Quit while you're ahead"?
I found this really neat page with good drawings and the best collection of quotes online.. quotes! so go check it out:) ( Fary )
Today there is an increasing number who can't see a fat man standing
beside a thin one without automatically coming to the conclusion the
fat man got that way by taking advantage of the thin one.
Ronald Reagan
"You cannot help men permanently by doing for them what they
could and should do for themselves."
President Abraham Lincoln
"Men have been taught that it is a virtue to agree with others.
But the creator is the man who disagrees. Men have been
taught that it is a virtue to swim with the current. But the creator
is the man who goes against the current. Men have been taught
that it is a virtue to stand together. But the creator is the man who stands alone."
Ayn Rand
If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise
"Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot about
puppies." --Gene Hill
"A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to
turn around three times before lying down." --Robert
Benchley
"Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you
walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their
lives." --Sue Murphy
"No animal should ever jump up on the dining room
furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold
his own in the conversation." Fran Lebowitz
"Ever consider what they must think of us? I mean,
here we come back from a grocery store with the most
amazing haul--chicken, pork, half a cow. They must
think we're the greatest hunters on earth!" --Anne
Tyler (Laugh Out Loud)
"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of
a weird religious cult." --Rita Rudner
"You enter into a certain amount of madness when you
marry a person with pets." --Nora Ephron
"Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive
evidence that you are wonderful." --Ann Landers
"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and
dogs should relax and get used to the idea." --Robert
A. Heinlein
"There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy
licking your face. --Ben Williams
"A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself." --Josh Billings
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him
prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the
principal difference between a dog and a man." Mark
Twain
"He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your
dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will
be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his
heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such
devotion." --Unknown
now some infamous dopes
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the
world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that
but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
-- Mariah Carey ( yeah Mariah Darling :P! )
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever,
because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live
forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live
forever."
-- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss Universe contest
"Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same
reactions in the brain as marijuana...The researchers also discovered
other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are."
--Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show, August 22
"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the
law."
-- David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that
he failed to pay his taxes.
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of
your life."
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for
a federal anti-smoking campaign
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."
-- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward
"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates
in the country."
-- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC
"After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal,
the school board is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of
David Steele to the post."
-- Philip Streifer, Superintendent of Schools, Barrington, R.I.
Marriage is like a violin. After all the beautiful music is over,
the strings are still attached.
There is only one beautiful child in the world, and every mother
has it.
Chelsea asks Bill: ``Daddy, what's a Lesbian?'' ``Ask Hillary, he'll show you.''
Statistics are like a bikini. What they reveal
is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.
Tact is the ability to describe others as they
see
themselves.-- Abraham Lincoln
Aldous Huxley - Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
Ambrose Bierce - Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
Ambrose Bierce - Bore, n: a person who talks when you wish him to
listen.
Ambrose Bierce - Cynic, n: a blackguard whose faulty vision sees
things as
they are, not as they ought to be.
Ambrose Bierce - Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously
the words of another. ( sorry Ambrose! )
The fewer clear facts you have in support of an
opinion, the stronger your emotional attachment to that opinion.
Bert Taylor - A bore is a man who, when you ask him how he is,
will tell
you.
Brendan Behan - Critics are like eunuchs in a harem: they know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves.
Carl Sandburg - Slang is a language that rolls up its sleeves,
spits on its hands and goes to work.
Chester Nimitz - A ship is always referred to as "she" because it costs so much to keep one in paint and powder.
Chinese proverb - He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.
Clive James - It is only when they go wrong that machines remind you how powerful they are.
Cyril Connolly - Truth is a river that is always splitting up into arms that reunite. Islanded between the arms the inhabitants argue for a lifetime as to which is the main river.
Edgar Allan Poe - All that we see or seem, Is but a dream within a dream.
Eighth Law of Computer Programming - Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to detectable errors, which by definition are limited.
Etorre's Observation - The other queue moves faster.
"A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous."--Ingrid Bergman (8/29/1915 - 8/29/1982)
"That's great, tell him he's Pelé and get him back on." - John Lambi. Partick Thistle manager, when told a concussed striker did not know who he was.
"Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your coffee." - Lady Astor to Winston Churchill."Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it." - His reply
"Whoever says money can't buy you happiness doesn't know where to shop." -Telegraph Magazine
"Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going." -Jim Ryun
"The greatest power is often simple patience." -E. Joseph Cossman
"I've been on a calendar but I have never been on time"
-- Marilyn Monroe
"Time, time, time, see what's become of me,
While I looked around,
For my possibilities;
I was so hard to please"
Paul Simon
There are never enough hours in a day, but always too many days before Saturday.
"And he that will not apply New Remedies, must expect New Evils;for Time is the greatest Innovator." --Francis Bacon Essays: Of Innovations"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..." --Charles Dickens A Tale of Two Cities
"O, call back yesterday, bid time return"
--William Shakespeare, King Richard II
"Time is the reef upon which all our frail mystic ships are wrecked"
"Sed fugit interea, fugit inreparabile tempus"
(Time meanwhile flies, never to return)
Ok these next few quotations are either borrowed from books, taken from chats or just plain made up!
No one can be as calculatedly rude as the British which amazes the Americans, who do not
understand studied insult and can only offer abuse as a substitute. -- Paul Gallico, US writer
It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have these 3 unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practise either of them --Mark Twain
" You have sent me a Flanders Mare ". ( Henry VIII, English Monarch on seeing Anne of Cleves for the first time ).
Every time a child says "I don't believe in fairies," there is a little fairy somewhere that falls down dead
See the Happy Moron, He doesn't give a damn, I wish I were a moron, My God! perhaps I am!
"I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me." -- Hunter S. Thompson
Every now and then when your life gets complicated and the weasels start closing in, the only cure is to load up on heinous chemicals and then drive like a bastard from Hollywood to Las Vegas ... -- H.S. Thompson, "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas"
Fear and loathing, my man, fear and loathing. -- H.S. Thompson
"The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' (I've found it!), but 'That's funny...'" -Isaac Asimov
"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." --Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943
"I am not suffering from insanity, I am enjoying every
single minute of it!"
"Life isn't fair to men, When we are born, our mother's
get the compliments and the flowers. When we are
married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.
When we die, our widows get the life insurance and
winters in Florida. What do women want to be liberated
from?" --Author Unknown
"The only difference between the women I've dated
and Charles Manson is that Manson has the decency
to look like a nut case when you first meet him."
--Richard Jeni
"The more I learn the more I learn there's more to learn!
Therefore, I believe boredom is a state of mind one chooses
over useful activity."
--Jan Bowman
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not even sure about the universe."
--Albert Einstein
"The man who does not read good books has no advantage
over the man who can't read them."
--Mark Twain
"I am amazed at radio DJ:s today. I am firmly convinced
that AM stands for Absolute Moron. I will not begin to tell
you what FM stands for."
--Jasper Carrott
"You can get much farther with a kind word and a gun
than you can with a kind word alone."
--Al Capone
"Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world." --Dave Barry
"Whoever says that the small things don't matter should try sleeping with a mosquito in the room." --Unknown
"Psychoanalysis makes quite simple people feel they're complex." --S. N. Behrman
"Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties." --Jules Renard
"History will be kind to me, for I shall write it." --Sir Winston Churchill
"An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing."
"I say men with pierced ears are ready for marriage. They have experienced pain and bought jewelry."
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. -- Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
All my life I've wanted to be someone; I guess I should have been more specific. -- Jane Wagner/Lily Tomlin (1939- )
Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
-- Mark Twain [Samuel Langhornne Clemens] (1835-1910)
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you
didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines, Sail away from the
safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream.
-- Mark Twain [Samuel Langhornne Clemens] (1835-1910)
Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running
taxicabs or cutting hair.
-- George Burns (1896-1996)
The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all is the person who
argues with him.
-- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec (1909- )
Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they
have to say something. --Plato (429-347 BC)
All truly wise thoughts have been thought already thousands of times; but to
make them truly ours, we must think them over again honestly, till they take
root in our personal experience.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and
write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn.
-- Alvin Toffler
Don't say you don't have enough time. You have exactly the same number of
hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michaelangelo,
Mother Teresa, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein.
-- H. Jackson Brown
"Why yes -- a bullet-proof vest."
-- James Rodges, his final request before the firing squad