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1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
2. Page yourself ovet the intercom. (Don't disguise you voice)
3. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same out fits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially efective if your boss is the opposite gender.)
4. Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."
5. Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.
7. Insist thaat your e-mail address be xena_goddess of fire@companyname.com or Elvis_ the_King@companyname.com
8. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
9. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
10. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN".
11. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
12. Send e-mail messages that advertise free pizza, doughnuts, etc., in the breakroom. When people complain that there was nothing there, lean back, rub your stomach, and say, "You've got to be faster than that."
13. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
14. Reply toeverything someone says with, "That's what you think."
15. Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire working area. Insist to others that you like it that way.
16. Dont use any punctuation
17. Ask people what sex they are.
18. Sing along at the opera.
19. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
20. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
21. AnD tHe FiNaL WaY tO aNnOy PeOpLe:
Send this e-mail to everyone in your address book, even if they sent it to you or have asked you not to send them stuff like this.
1. If you get melted chocolate all over your hands, you are eating it too slowly.
2. Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
3. Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It will take the edge off your appetite, and you will eat less.
4. If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But beware...if you can't eat all your choclate, it is a sign of a deeper problem.
5. Store your chocolate on top of the refrigerator. Calories are afraid of heights, and will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.
6. Equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate make a balanced diet.
7. The preservatives in chocolate will make you look younger.
8. If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control-top pantyhose, and an entire garment industry would be out of business. Would you want to cause that?
9. A nice box of chocolate provides your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy????
10. Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you will get one thing done.
ll. Question: Why is there no such organization as 'Choloholics Anonymous'?
Answer: Because no one wants to quit.
12. Problem: How do you get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car?
Solution: Eat it while you're still in the parking lot.
1. Get the boxes of condoms &randomly put them in peoples carts
when they are not looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at 10 minute intervals
3. Make a trail of orange juice on the floor to the restrooms
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "I
think we have a code 3 in housewares," and see what happens
5. Turn all the radios to a polka station, then turn them all off
an turn the volumes to 10
6. Challenge other customers to duel with tubes of gift wrap
7. Put M&M's on layaway
8. Move "CAUTION_WET FLOOR" signs to carpet areas
9. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only
invite them if they bring pillows from the bedding department
10. When someone asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask
"Why won't you people leave me alone?"
11. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while
you pick your nose
12. Take up an entire aisle in toys by setting up a full scale
battlefield with G.I.Joes and X_Men
13. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon
14. While handling guns in the hunting department ask the clerk if
he knows where the anti-depressants are
15. Switch signs on the mens and womens bathrooms
16. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission
Impossible"
17. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign out front
18. In the auto department practice your Madonna look using
different size funnels
19. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say
"PICK ME! PICK ME!!!!!!"
20. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the
fetal position an scream "NO!NO! It's those voices again"
21. Go to the food court, get a soft drink, tell them you don't get
out much and would they put one of those little umbrellas in it
22. Go into the fitting room and yell real loud ...."Hey we're out
of toilet paper in here!"
Have a nice time at Walmart!!
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