|
castor called me after hardly speaking to me for a week (too busy going to coffee and absinthe parties with other people) and i said, "when can i see you?" he said, "not tomorrow. i have work to do." "then when?" "i don't know." "you don't know?" "no." "you have all this time to spend with other people." "yes." he proceeded on a long explanation of why this was ok. "i'm too tired. i have to go to bed." "ok." "bye." "bye." i didn't think it would be wise to make such a big decision when i was high, but soon i realized i would never get to sleep if i didn't, so i called him back. "hi." "hi. i thought you were going to sleep." "i thought i was too." he said something... banal. i don't remember what it was. "i don't think i can be with you anymore." he said nothing for a long while and then said, "i understand." (these are the same words hemlock used.) and i said, "i'll see you in class." "that's it?" he said. "what else should i have said?" "well, are you going to carry out your excommunication thing?" "what do you mean?" "are you not going to be speaking to me, i mean, you'll speak to me in a civil way, but... are we not going to be friends?" "friendships don't work between people who've been lovers." "you don't know that. it could. it could work." and then i said the meanest thing i've ever said in my life. "i wouldn't want to deal with your behavior if i wasn't getting laid, honestly." i really shouldn't get high. i become too brutal. i say things just because they sound good. not that i don't mean them. "ok," he said in an abrupt, angry tone. "bye." "bye." and those were the last lines of another great romance that wasn't worth preserving. |