Well, this post will (as I intend it now) will be done before and after I see Caroline in the City (my beloved Richard and Caroline will finally get together- this has GOT to cheer me up). Yep, I'm feeling cranky!

Actually, I'd be in a great mood right now, except for the excruciating sunlight headache I have, and that I completely blew my French test (I completely forgot the imparfait on the test- unfortunately this turned out to be a big chunk of it). On the good news side, it was nice out, NO RAIN, and I got an A on my English paper and an A- (surprise!) on my solar system paper. I may still rewrite it for a better grade (this would be if I really blow the midterm or final), but now I'm less motivated to. I also picked up my booklet on signing up for classes and got my times. The good news? Not likely I'll have finals on the last day! The bad? My call in times are pretty damn late (6:30 on the second-to-last-day for first pass, 8 am on third-to-last day for second), as usual. How the hell am I supposed to get into any classes?

Anyway, when I got home today, I started checking web sites instead of doing my homework (baaad idea, I know), but I found a few sites that I thought were very good (on Open Pages- see bottom of front page), and that I'd like to quote from.

The first one is called The Daily Dose (see below for the addresses), these are from the Question of the Week section:

Why do I still care?

I still care for people that have lied to me, betrayed me, cheated on me, deceived me, and intentionally hurt me in some way. It sounds ridiculous. These people are not worthy of my caring; they have proven themselves otherwise. I can go about my daily tasks, and out of nowhere, it can hit me, like a breath on my neck, a hand on mine, a smile in the dark. I cannot grasp it, yet it touches me. Why does this still affect me? Why can I feel so much caring for a friend that doesn't want me to be happy? How can I still care about someone that broke my heart? No, I'm not hallucinating, and sometimes this situation does make me feel stupid.

I just feel caring for the people, and wonder if it is just a habit that I can't fully break. I miss people that have once touched my life in positive ways, even if it eventually turned negative. I have been told many times that I care too much. I only see it as a problem when the recipient is not worthy of my caring, or unappreciative in some way. So how do I break the habit? How does one stop caring for another that isn't worthy? Is caring just a habit that is hard to break? I haven't found the answer yet.

Why does life suck?

Let's just face it, life sucks. Sure there are lots of great things in this world, but in general, it sucks. Why?

In the scale of the world around me, this time of the year is the worst for students. We only have a few weeks left of class until the dreaded exams, and our professors have decided to cram two months worth of work and assignments into that time period. As Steve put it, life right now consists of "Go to school come home do homework got to sleep get up go to school do homework go to sleep...."; you get the idea. There is a tremendous pressure to succeed right now, and no room for error, particularly with tuition rates going up every year.

Other things that are convincing me that life sucks right now include the dreaded hunt for a summer job, trying to study for exams while doing all those last minute assignments, trying to make 100$ last until I find that summer job, trying to ensure that summer job won't be working at Timmy's but will actually be related to my degree, dealing with the fact that some of my friends are leaving in the summer and I am going to miss them dearly and be terribly bored and so on.

What does suck is that I, and most of our society, seem to live a life where there isn't a moment's peace to absorb and reflect on those changes, before some other major change comes along and knocks me off my feet again. (For the record, I think this is the story of my life!) Our society seems so motivated towards achieving the ultimate, having everything and having it now, that there is never time to appreciate the present and express gratitude for the good in this world; we have to always be running towards the future. We live in a world of instant gratification, with fast food and fifteen second commercials; we want the short form for everything because there just isn't enough time in the day to do everything we want, or are expected to do. For once, I would like to stop and think, to reflect and appreciate what I have and what I have done before I start wanting more as this world prescribes.

I still am sad about Tom leaving. I don't know, I consider him a really good friend, and it's depressing that he's never going to be there again. I know he doesn't consider me a friend of his - but I think he's spiffy. I realized last week, he is the only person that can make me smile when I feel down. I don't know what it is, he's just got this great sense of humor.

He hasn't e-mailed me either, this makes me sad. I am worried he won't keep in touch. I feel like I'm losing one of my best friends, and it sucks.

wearing : jeans, T-shirt.
craving : fries.
weather : sunny.
surroundings : papers.
listneing to : nothing.
feeling : depressed.
depression : 10 (1 = best, 10 = worst)

Shoot, maybe I should rate my depression each day!

I'm sort of noticing these things right now because I finally started that psych experiment I mentioned last month, and you have to mention how many good and bad things happened in a day. For the record, yesterday was the first day in which the bad outranked the good (well, with Grandpa and all that going on). So there, I'm not ALWAYS whining and bitchy . . . just most of the time.

Well, I'm going to get off now and actually DO my homework (more French, ugh . . . man, am I sick of that language).

Well, I'm back. And I'm pretty happy with my shows. Both Caroline and Susan finally got the couples together (even though poor Susan had to be wearing that GODAWFUL dress for it). There was one thing that bothered me about both shows, and that's how they did the ending. Both were of the "pulling head out of ass" school of writing. What I mean is, the denouements were out of the blue, not played up very much or at all, or even shown how the guys didn't wind up with their date/wife. They just show up and it's "hey, I want you". A little more drama please, writers . . .

On Suddenly Susan: So, Jack sucks up to his blonde date all evening, (except for the beginning and maybe one look at the reception), and at the end THEN he comes back after dumping her? 1. Yeah right, and 2. I feel sorry for his date if he dumped her like that after schmoozing her all night. But at least they got down to the down-n-dirty. Although creepily enough it reminded me of kissing the old guy (who was shorter than me, my god). Eeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwww.

On Caroline: This one was played up a little more, but there were disappointments: For one, I REALLY wanted Julia to be screwing the bullfighter! Come on, she CANNOT have been faithful! (That woman has screwed over my two favorite hunks on TV (Matthew Perry being the other one), and she should die like a dog) But at least she was showing a bit of her pain-in-the-assedness to Richard (well, at least he knows that he wouldn't have to hang around all them snots anymore), but I would have looooved for him to have seen how she acted to Caroline (bitch). She sooooo deserved to be covered in foam (although if I'da been there I would have gone out and looked for bull dung!)
But at least Richard wasn't too happy around her (except when she was leaving- Michelle was yelling, "We don't want to see him kiss her!"). Nice to see him all mopey at the party, but wanting Caroline around. As for Trevor- well, no offense, but glad to see him get the message and leave. (Then again, who am I to criticize people who don't get the message?)
And as for the end . . . well, frankly, I wanted to see Richard dump Julia. I REALLY wanted to. I didn't want to be cheated out of that satisfying moment, second only to The Big Moment . . . but The Big Moment was pretty damn good. Awwwwwwww... =) Yummy. The only way the kissing could have been improved would have been if I were on the receiving end of it. (Sigh) Oh well, I'd better finish this and get to looking up stuff . . .

Links to other sites on the Web

The Daily Dose
my life on mars
Icon Bazaar (e-mail)

Page last updated: May 18, 1998.
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