"Happiness is overrated too." Ally McBealYes, I know the colors are all off here. I swear, they will NOT work in the way that I coded them in!!! I give up!!!
Again, I have been browsing sites instead of studying. And here's more things I found relevant, or at least entertaining.
This one is from a site known as "Chicks Suck." I'm not going to comment on this one, although I'm sure I could come up with a lot to say. Today I'll just stick to a guest letter posted here, and the response from the page guy.
And then one day, I notice she's kind of ignoring me. I ask her what's wrong, if I did anything to piss her off. She said that everything was fine. She was just preoccupied. But this goes on. I notice it and her best friend notices it. We stop hanging out altogether. I ask her a few times what's going on, why she's avoiding me. She claims she's not avoiding me, that everything is cool between us and we're still friends. She actually gets PISSED that I'm questioning the integrity of our friendship and tells me that I'm being stupid over nothing. And yet, she starts ignoring me more and more. Instead of talking to me, she just says hi. Instead of saying hi, she avoids me completely. It's like I'm not even in the room.
I've gone over this a million times in my head. What did I do to drive her away? I could only come up with one answer. Nothing. I did nothing to drive her away. I talked to her best friend about this and she agreed. This wasn't my fault. (What is up with this kind of thing? Why is it that when I do NOTHING WRONG (for a change!) I still get screwed?)
She started being cold towards me because she was afraid she was getting too close. HOW IS THIS BAD??? Is being too close to me like some kind of punishment?(I don't get it either!!! Why is liking somebody a reason to ignore them and not even tell them???)
This makes no sense. She gave her heart and her body to all those jerks who didn't know how to treat her. But I'm not even good enough to give her friendship to? Needless to say, this makes me feel utterly worthless. (No kidding. Heck, I'm probably the best girlfriend he ever had, but noooo, he had to dump on me. He still talks to his ex that he thinks is a bitch, but does he talk to me? Nooooo.)
This is the response of the page guy:
YELL AT HER. I'm not kidding. Say something to this effect: "You're a fucking moron, you know that? I don't even know why I started liking you, you're such a stupid bitch. Why don't you go back to
This will do 2 things. 1, it shows that you can live without her (this is good, trust me, even if it isn't true, it's good), and secondly, it shows that YOU HAVE BALLS.
There is also a possibility that she'll get pissed off. Big deal. You can't lose your friendship with her, because you're not friends. You can only gain some self-esteem and some confidence that you did everything you could do to save the relationship. Don't give her an ultimatum right there, but tell her that you're not going to waste too much more time pursuing her. You've got better things to do (like read my website)....
That's what I would do in your situation, but then again, I'm a 20 year old virgin.
I'M SERIOUS. DO THIS. You'll be happier no matter what, I swear. If you sit back and try to win her over, it won't work, and if you do nothing, it won't work.
WHAT THE FUDGE ARE YOU THINKING? Okay, okay, I know, I probably don't have the whole story, but DANG, GIRL!(I think this is what Anna said to me after she read what I did at Whole Earth Festival!)
I've been with Squire (my hubby) for about 8 years. Though I would have never believed this when I met him, I am now very much happy in a committed relationship.
Before Squire, I had only one (count them with me, 1) boyfriend. I dated Carl from the Fall of `87 until the Spring of `88. Should have known the relationship was doomed when answered a question once, "No, I don't think this is a long term relationship." Looking back now, I can see that I knew it was doomed, but being my first boyfriend (a guy who would call me his girlfriend), I was going to milk it for all it was worth. (This sounds like me, actually. I have had boyfriends in the technical (but not really otherwise) and nontechnical (behaved like it, but God forbid I use those words!), but none genuine. And I can totally see myself doing that.)
For the six years before Carl, I was either a one-night stand, a brief fling or the other woman. I wouldn't classify my old self as a "slut" (doin' a new man every night), but I was the co-founding member of the "Morals of an Alley Cat" club my freshmen year in college.
After reading this one, I thought, sure it's much nicer to have one person instead of going "what's your name again?" every weekend, but sometimes that just won't happen in life. I don't see any prospects in the future that would lead me in that direction (I had a couple of lusthoneys this quarter, but both give me the cold shoulder. And let's not even get into who picks up on me)- so heck, I might as well indulge, right?
On another note, I've been writing some poetry in the hopes of getting into advanced poetry next year. Trying to look advanced, I've been doing a few sonnets, and I just tried a sestina. (It's six stanzas, six lines each, repeating six end words in different order each stanza, with three lines, using all words, at the end. Very tricky.) Anyway, mine came out very well. While I was not planning to use this as a site to put all my work on, this one I'd like to share, I'm so proud:
I'm depressed.
First, Mike came by and we got into the fight that I've gotten into with so many other people- the "You're 18, you can do WHATEVER YOU WANT!" fight. Namely, no, I can't do that, and he said, "Don't tell me that you can't do what you want."
Everyone I know is bothered that I have so little freedom, certainly not what they're used to. And that I've gotten to the point where about half the time, I don't mind. I'm very used to the cage, I know how to negotiate cage living, and I know that whenever I leave the cage for periods of time, it takes a lot of negotiation and fighting for even the littlest bit of choice. Everyone else apparently has been controlling their parents since they were thirteen. They're also bothered when I say that I have to do what they want until I'm out of college. The thing is, I have to do that, unless I'm willing to go COMPLETELY financially independent, paying for college and school. And there is NO way that I can do that. And look, the "freedom" of not being under their thumbs is not worth the loss of freedom of time that I have now. I prefer being able to do things other than work and study- which is what The Moron does, as far as I know- frankly, his life is my idea of hell. I've known people working their way through school, and they tell me it SUCKS. Frankly, while I can still stand the cage, it's worth it not to have to do that.
Another thing (kinda related): I got a paper in the mail saying that since I'm (sigh) in the dorms again next year, do I want to work as a volunteer coordinator for dorm orientation. No $, but you get a free T-shirt, meals, and move into the hall early, plus it goes on the resume. This would not be something I'd care about too much, except a. the resume thing would get the parents off my back a little, and b. it gets me out of the house earlier. But in all reality I know I can't do it, because I'd have to move in on a Thursday before 1 pm, and nobody (but my dad who can't drive) is available to help me move then.
Now see, there's an example of "I can't do what I want." If it requires other people, you can't necessarily do what you want. I can't move in alone (can't carry all that), nobody can do it on that date, therefore I know I won't be able to do the job. But what does he think I'm going to do, just call the parents and go, "I'm moving back to school early, so there?" Yeah, right.
The other reason why I'm depressed is that I was watching old The Real World episodes. I love MTV, but I rarely get to see it, and for the past week it's been coming into our building REALLY well. I love Real World, so I was watching all these old episodes that were building up to the new season starting tonight. Anyway, if you saw it, there's one guy (Nathan) and his girlfriend (Stephanie). Even though Stephanie was all supportive throughout the application process (though she kept putting in enough stuff to make it sound like she REALLY doesn't want him to do this, she's just saying this 'cause he wants her to), now that he moved she is just flipping out. After the first or second night she's all, "If I keep feeling like this I'm either going to have to break up with you or drop out of school." Hello? Geez. Hey, the guy was trying, but nooo, she keeps going hyper. And his best friend kept going that she was his only family, and that if she dumped him, etc. (really sad). And the whole "if this long-distance keeps up we're breaking up" (oh, come on, like THAT's gonna make you feel better?) thing reminded me of Mr. I-can't-handle-it. And I had to watch enough cute couples today to feel jealous of 'em . . . so now I'm all bummed again. Damn, I'm sick of this stuff. And I don't want to go home and dredge it up again. I was pretty busy today (helps to be distracted), but since I was alternately packing/taking down decorations tonight (no studying, taking a break), I started getting all mushy again about how it went to hell and I don't even know. I REALLY don't want school to end now. I do NOT wanna go home, do nothing, and be in the same town with him again, I really don't. I want to get as far away and distracted as I can get! I'm tired of giving a rat's ass for someone who obviously wants me to drop dead. And I DON'T want to feel this way again. You know, the next time I get attracted to someone of my type, I am definitely going to run as far away from them as possible. I am sick of this stuff, I am sick of one-sidedness, I am sick of the male gender. Good thing I'm taking girly classes, hopefully I won't meet any more weirdoes/dirty-old-men who horndog me, and no guys that attract me. God, somedays I really just wannabe a nun.
© 1997 jdrutherford@ucdavis.edu
Look at this situation logically. If you play your cards correctly, you may be able to get this chick. I can't tell if it's too late. But right now, you're not even friends with her, so you've got nothing to lose by doing what I'm about to tell you to do.... Then there was this one from one of my favorite sites, Spotfans. I was going to write this response back, but then figured that it sounded kinda weird and disturbing. And for some deranged reason, I think it's appropriate to post here:
Other sites I'll recommend today (although I don't have specific comments directed to 'em) are Men Suck (hey, you know I had to find a site like this sooner or later) and The Simulator. This is a simulation of the dullness of life- choosing between mundane choices, kind of. A cool art piece, and great use and workage of graphics. I'd reccommend driving fast and not working overtime when you do it, though.
Livermore Sestina
Let me tell you about my house.
About the prominent things like the wine
making, and the Livermore Lab.
And don't forget the rodeo and cowboys,
many of which attended my school
and many of which were weird.
Everyone or their parents works at the Lab
and I've known all their kids at school.
They're rich enough to afford the wine
but not smart enough to move to a nicer house.
I guess in that way they're very weird,
or maybe they like to bond with the cowboys.
The chi-chi vineyards produce famous wine
or so I've heard- to me it tastes weird.
It's probably been fertilized by the charges of the cowboys,
but not re-engineered at the lab.
They chose this valley for their home;
the vintners attended my college and high school.
And of course there's the Livermore Cowboys-
when I see tobacco spit on the ground I know I'm home-
anyone who chews indoors has got to be weird.
In fact, "cowboys" are the mascots of my school.
They prefer beer over wine
and know nothing about the lab.
Welcome to Livermore High School.
a.k.a. the school for the children of the lab.
Long school days before I could go home,
filled with freaky students and teachers who were weird.
The FFA was filled with amateur cowboys;
despite the proximity, we knew not about wine.
Maybe it's this town that made me weird.
I don't fit in, not one of the cowboys,
and everyone knew me too well at school.
I don't like alcohol too much, nor wine,
or maybe it was the radiation from the lab?
No wonder that I want to leave home.
On one side of town the Lab, on the other the wine,
in the center the cowboys' rodeo and the school.
They think I'm weird because I'm moving away from home.
11:43 p.m. (I think):
I know that I'm a big baby. I know that I don't look or act my age (and don't want to act my age). Being an adult means constant working, being the maid, no fun, dating (god, sometimes I think that I'm still not ready to date), and the pressure to marry and produce kids. Frankly, I'd love to be able to pass on those things. Is it my fault my chronological age is older than the rest of me?
Links to other sites on the Web
The Simulator
Men Suck
Chicks Suck (guest entry here)
Spotfans post- TOGA
The Shadow Zone- Web Resources (heart, e-mail, bar, background)
SheriBerry Graphics (cowboy)
I somehow get the feeling that I'm going to wind up like Ally McBeal when I'm 28. Not a lawyer, but a nutcase, alone, and in cute outfits.
To the previous entry
To the next entry
To the June archives
To the most recent entries
To go home
Get your own Free Home Page