A comment from ucd.life:
"Expectation is the fundamental cause of disappointment. Lust does not expect; it demands, and it will not be ignored. True, lust may be dammed [no pun intended] up for a while, but it will only release itself with greater force when it does break through." -David F. Prenatt, Jr.I don't have much to say today, really.
I thought that I saw Kiwini today while I was going to Holocaust class, pushing a large TV and looking pissed . . . well, if it was him (I didn't want to look too closely) he looked kinda pissed.
Saw an ad to be an illustrator for the Aggie, and am kinda considering it. Then again, I don't know if I could draw all that much stuff. I'm not sure (then again, D.R. did think my skeleton drawing yesterday came out about perfect) about it.
I just realized that I have a paper due in Holocaust class on Thurs. And I still haven't watched Schindler's List like I was supposed to either. Oooops.
Also I had RSVP call-in #1 today at three. I didn't get into the design class I wanted- I heard in class yesterday that due to budget cuts, NOBODY (including most seniors) is getting into classes, they can only offer one of everything, and the classes are small (see why I hate small classes?). The ONLY way anyone gets in is if they take summer school. D.R. was saying yesterday that the ONLY people the administration will listen to about this are the parents, as they don't give a shit when teachers and students complain. Evil. Well, maybe I can get Mom to complain, and hey, this might get me back to summer school this year.
Instead I'm taking Textiles 7 (Style and Cultural Studies), English 156 (the short story), and geology 1 (the earth). I wanted badly to get into a science and society (SAS) class, but noooo, they restricted it to freshmen for pass 1. Gee, THANKS. I couldn't get in when I was a freshman, and NOW after I'm not one? Now I'll never get in the class- as a sophomore I shouldn't be lowest on the pecking order here! I'm not enthused about geology 1, but it was the lesser of the evils, and I really want to get my GE out of the way (especially science GE) ASAP.
I'll probably take another English class for my final class, but I don't know which one yet- most of the ones I can take are the ones I wasn't enthused about. (Sigh) Oh well.
I'm still wondering what "Freaky Friday" is supposed to be. I went to the Corral (a mini-store in the Memorial Union, sells notebooks, tapes, cards, magazines, junk) to buy a videotape (I love how the housing channel shows these movies I want for free. So far I've taped As Good As It Gets, L.A. Confidential, Men In Black, Contact, and Dave, and am taping Toy Story and The American President today), and at the counter they had this flier for a sorority bash called "Freaky Friday", a dance-all-night thing that sounded lovely, except it's a GU party (geographically undesireable). If it's going to be a "group" thing to go to that I'd stay here Fri. night and go, but I don't want to walk all that way there alone, not to mention that I don't think that the RA's or anyone else will show up for it like they're supposed to.
Possibility #2 is this poster I saw downstairs- swing dancing/lessons. Oh whoopee. To tell you the truth, I'm not into swing dancing, because it requires that you have a guy to dance with. I'm not a fan of couples dancing anyway unless it's with someone you have a thing for and the music is slow. I grew up doing ballet, and have no clue as to what to do with a dancing male who's TOUCHING me in an non-romantic way. Sure, if I knew a guy who'd do it with me, fine, but since I don't, and am shy about trolling/asking, that's not going to happen.
Either way, I think I'll be leaving town on Friday night. Nothing will happen as it always does here and in my dating life.
Thought I had while spacing out in writing class about my imaginary love life: (and I swear this will be the last mention for the day unless something different happens)
I don't think I can purposely avoid him. If I see him somewhere, I will follow him, that's a given. I still do want to go see him, come over to his place again and tell him that I did tell Mom and while she wasn't as bad as I figured she'd be, her paranoid fears are what freaks me out now, is that stuff reasonable . . . but I'm busy, got stuff to do, can't go over, he's probably busy too, and I shouldn't.
So, my only hope is that I don't see him around here accidentally. Which shouldn't be too difficult . . . although it hurts a bit to think about that.
Demma, SHUT UP.
And reading stuff like the top quote REALLY doesn't help!!!
I SHOULD be working on that paper right now. But noooo, I'm procrastinating by doing this. Sheesh. I should be getting changed for self-defense. I should be eating prior to self-defense. But nooooo.
I had a thought while browsing Salon this a.m. While looking at this crappy old article (the title made me think it would be good, guess again), I find this line: " If you have a personal essay about your college years, you can e-mail it to carol@salonmagazine.com."
And I think, "Hey, I could do that." Wouldn't it be the coolest to be able to say I wrote for Salon once?
I'm embarrassed (although you probably guessed what I'd say, right?) to admit that the first topic I thought of for it was "Love and the RA." I mean, even I have to agree that my so-Felicitetic life is kinda silly to write about. Yet I still have the silly idea that this would work! (If that guy could turn in such crap, why can't I?) I must stop thinking in my spare time, the thoughts are not good.
Okay, some quotes that I forgot to put up earlier:
"What sucks is when you finally GET the follow through and it's nothing that you expected!.." -Matt Spinetta (See, I should remember this)Today's recommended links:"We're proud of you for not getting married this year." -Remington Stone, Sr. (This one would have been appropriate a few days ago.)
(Two Dawson's Creek quotes)
"Dawson is definately not gay- just because he doesn't go around belching, scratching himself and adoring football, and actually has an interest in something cretive- he's gay?
What the fuck has our society crumbled to?" -Lena"Pacey will now be able to concentrate fully on Andie. Which, if I was Andie, I'd be scared. Very scared." -jeffiners
Get A Life This made me feel much better about my life.
Unrequited Crushes ah, how familiar.
How well do you know college life? Ripping on RA's.
U.S. out of my uterus! A good editorial for pro-choice
Have we met? On being ditched, pickups, etc.
It's the end of my world as I know it Exchange student/freshmen similiarities
Update: 9 p.m.
At self-defense I asked Karla (the teacher) about Sarah, she gave me a few phone #'s (only if she wants to get out, which sadly I don't think she does). Oh, and our homework was to determine how assertive we were, when she asked about it, I well, brought up the roommates and how I don't want to have war all year- she's the only one that hasn't told me to "tell the bitches to fuck off." She said it was up to you if it was worth it or not, some people might not care if they have a war all year, or could get a mediator, something like that.
Oooh, and speak of the devil and following him into hell: When I came in from class, Jensen (surprise!) was working the front desk again. I didn't wave or say anything, pretended to be in a rush- but, well, I had to find some way to pass by him again, so I just went to the study lounge for twenty minutes (came back to watch Felicity) so I could have an excuse to pass by him again! I suspect he figured it out, as when I was going down the stairs I slowed down so I could look for him, and he was looking at me. So I tried to play it cool, just walked on through . . . but it took all my restraint to not find some way to hang around the lounge or talk to him. I must not do that, I must not go that far.
Hmm, Felicity: the whole thing with Noel was funny. "Drawing the line." Him going off to all the other RA's (who have the screwiest residents ever) was a hoot. And man, are they plugging the hell out of the web page! Twice this time, geez, you'd think there's more on it than there is.
I cannot believe her!
I called Sarah again tonight and he answers the phone! "Who is this?" Took the words out of my mouth, I'll tell you that. At least he gave the phone to her, didn't censor me or nothing.
She gets on the phone and she's REAL quiet. She was asleep when I called the last time. Are you okay? "Yeah." "Did he move back in?" "Yeah, pretty much."
WHAT????? Didn't I just tell her to NOT have him move back in again right away? Hello? How could someone who can get this HUGE scholarship when she bombed her classes (something I could never do, I'll tell you THAT!) be so incredibly stupid?
"He's all calmed down now?" "Yeah."
Then she said something like thanks for checking on me, you can call back if you want me to check on you again (huh???). I said "And vice versa."
I cannot believe that she is being that much of a fucking moron. I came storming out of there (I was going to the study lounge again . . . you know why . . . ), ran into Megan and blurted this to her, ending with the cute line after she asked if I was leaving, "going to the study lounge or to blurt this all out to Jensen the way I did the last two days of this!" Freudian slip there, Rutherford?
Anyway: storm down to the desk and blurt this out to him, all pissed off. He seems to take it calmly, nods a lot, then says he has to go back to the HAC meeting (Hall Activity Council. Like social committee basically, except for the building) but I could come by to talk later. I go yeah and I've got to go work on this (indicate backpack) and leave.
What am I supposed to do now? If she wants to visit, she'll want to bring him over, they haven't traveled separately in months (well, other than after the apartment-smashing). And I don't want to being him back here. What do I say that won't make him mad? "I'm sorry, but the dorms just can't handle that much screaming and hitting?"
And then there's my suspicion that it's only a matter of time before she won't be allowed to talk to me, or Evan, or anyone else. Anyone who tells her to break it off, he'll want her to drop. And then what happens????
Fuck my paper, I can't concentrate on that right now, I'm too fucking mad. I went down to blab to Jensen but he was talking to some other chick at the desk, I asked if I could come by later/after/something. Whatever, probably after I put this up. I am so fucking mad.
Midnight update: I'm still mad, but not just at Sarah. Geez, the guy doesn't bother to tell me he's doing rounds (wandering the halls, basically)??? What, he couldn't have mentioned that??? What a jerk!
(Maybe this will help my problem.)
I'm tired of putting up cute pictures. I'm tired of trying to think of a cute quip to put in here.
© 1997 jdrutherford@ucdavis.edu
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