CHAT GUIDE

Preparing yourself for a chatroom

Physical Surroundings:
Your basic chatroom is Martha Stewart's nightmare. There is no fancy carpet, no centerpieces, and no exquisite antiques. The furnishings are simple: A well worn couch and a bashed up refrigerator. Occationally there is a coffee-pot.
The couch is quite large however, and comfortable, with well worn grooves. It is generally occupied by several people whom you will find you have a great deal in common with, especially if you are an idiot.

Beverages:
The refridgerator contains the two beverages essential to chat: Pepsi and beer. It does not contain Evian water, white zinfandel or strawberry frappe.
The coffeepot is just that. It is not an espresso machine. Cherry latte mocha is not a chat beverage.

Snacks:
A bottomless bowl of popcorn is alway on hand, but you may want to consider bringing a few snacks along to share with your buddies. There is considerably more latitude in what snacks to pack along to the chat room. Favorites are Cheetohs, Godiva chocolate, and Skittles. Fritos are also acceptable. Oh, and Papa John's will deliver.... just make sure to order enough... and get some wings too!
Unadvised: It is not wise to encourage the consumption of beans. The reason is self-evident.

Tools:
There is only one door in a chatroom and it is forever being slammed and bashed about, so it breaks alot. The internet is extremely breezy, with wind gusts that can knock a person clean out of the room. Thus, it is a very good idea to go equiped with some basic tools for securing yourself and your friends to the couch, walls, or floor.
For the apprentice chatter, a simple tool-belt will do.
Basic tools should include as a minimum:
1 (one) roll duct tape
1 (one) pnuematic staple gun
1 (one) tube Super-glue.

For the professional chatter a well equipped tool box is advised. This should include, (but is not limited to):
All the items listed for the novice, plus:
1 (one) caulking gun, filled with Liquid Nails®
Several bungee cords
An extra roll of duct tape
1 (one) Binford 2000 pnuematic nail gun
Extra key for your keyboard (adult content, click to see)

Extras:
Camera: for catching those unexpected Kodak moments.
Gun: for those times when you or your friends want to be put out of your misery.

Happy Chatting!


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©1998-2002 Kathy Ross



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