Shame Of The Higher Self
By The Pathwork Guide
Greetings, I bring you blessings, my dearest friends. Blessed is this hour. Blessed is each one of you and your dear ones.
I have discussed at length man's guilt and shame about his lower self, about his faults and weaknesses, about his misconceptions and deviations. Tonight I should like tod iscuss another aspect of the human personality, the shame about his higher self, the best and noblest in his heart. This may sound incredible, nevertheless it is so. I am certain that you all recognize the truth of these words when you listen carefully.
In a different sense, man is just as ashamed of all his faculties of love, humility, and generosity -- the very best he has to offer -- as he is of the small, selfish, and ungiving part of his nature. Let us consider what causes this inenr tragedy, this senseless struggle. There is one main factor responsible which varies in every individual as to the details,
the extent of its existence, and its manifestation in the personality and the life of the person.
When the child feels rejected -- and you know that each child does; whether this feeling is justified or not makes no difference as far as the child is concerned -- in most instances it feels more rejected by one parent in particular. Again, I say that it need not be so in reality; in reality the very parent who appears as more rejecting may have more real love for the child than the other parent. But it is the way in which the child feels this rejection that counts in the accumulation of inenr impressions which form the images: the petrified wrong conclusions and the patterns of his subsequent emotional life.
The child would like to be loved and approved of to a much greater extent than is possible, particularly by this one parent who seems to reject it. When this exclusive tenderness and affection is not forthcoming, the child feels it as a rejection, which is followed by a confusion arising in the soul. In vaguely-felt emotions love and acceptance from this particular parent becomes the most desirable aim, all the more desirable since it seems unattainable to the degree that the child wants it. The desirable aim -- exclusive love and acceptance -- is confused with the person witholding it. Hence, in the confused, immature mind of the child the rejector becomes desirable, taking the place of that which was originally desirable -- all-exclusive lov e, approval, and acceptance. A furtehr result of this confusion is that the rejector seems unloving. He is desirable because what is wanted from him is desirable. Therefore, to be unloving is a desirable state. The psyche says: "If I am unloving, then I will be desirsable, my love will be sought.
Just as I do not reject my rejector, so I will no longer be rejected." Therefore, this behavior pattern -- imagined or real -- becomes desirable and something to emulate.
When you consider this inenr process, you will find that although it is not logical when analyzed and when these emotions are translated into clear-cut thoughts, it nevertheless has its own limited logic, quite understandable in the child's mind. No inenr conflict that arises is utterly senseless, although even in the adult the sense of vague, semi conscious emotions can be very limited and faulty when examined closely. A true insight can be gained only after understanding the peculiar logic of confused emotions.
Along with this confusion, the personality grows into an otherwise mature being, retaining this particular impression that is bound to color his entire emotional life. Deep in the subconscious mind it is felt to be undesirable, and therefore shameful, to demonstrate all that for which the child yearned.
Often man's withdrawal from love and his refusal to love is much less determined by his fear of being hurt and disappointed than by the circumstances described here. It is very important for you to recognize this element in you, no matter how hidden and how conflicting is the way it may manifest by contrary drives and compulsions. Heartbreaking problems arise from this conflict. They can be eliminated only by recognizing the existence of the basic wrong conclusion in this respect, with all the resultant chain reactions and ramifications.
There is, on the one hand, the guilt for selfishness and self-centeredness which makes loving an unprofitable, disadvantageous venture. On the other hand, there is the shame to love. This in itself tears the human heart apart. On the one hand you try to force yourself to love; on the other hand, the natural desire of your higher self to love is stopped because you are ashamed of it. Thus, you are guilty for loving and ashamed to love.
You must also consider that the child feels deeply humiliated when he yearns for love and affection but is rejected instead. Therefore, the idea forms uncosnciously that to love is humiliating. To him the most desirable eprson has rejected love and the free giving of emotions. Therefore, it must be something shameful that one has to hide. The realization that your fear of loving is often based less on your fear of being hurt and disappointed and much more on the factors discussed here is a very important insight you need in your further self-search.