The Longing For Happiness And The Fear Of Happiness -- The Fear Of Releasing The Little Ego

By The Pathwork Guide

Greetings, my dearest friends. Blessings for everyone of you. Blessed be your faculties to understand, to absorb, to assimilate, and to utilize what you may receive here. Since this lecture is a continuation of the previous one, let us go directly into the topic already raised last time, and that is man's deeply ingrained longing for happiness and, at the same time, fear of happiness.

This conflict exists at a very deep level of the human psyche, way beyond the ordinary neurotic, distorted misconceptions and fears that man harbors in his unconscious mind. The fear of happiness is directly related to the fear of letting go of man's outer ego faculties. By the same token, the longing for happiness must also be a longing for the release of the ego faculties. Although we have discussed this topic in the past, now we have to approach it on a deeper level, with a new outlook, and with new understanding. For many of my friends are about to reach the awareness of their deep-rooted conflict between their longing for happiness and their fear of happiness; their longing for release of the little ego and their fear of letting go of it.

As you have heard me say about many other topics, or other aspects of being, everything exists both in right understanding and in distortion. It is the same with letting go of the outer ego. This can exist in a distorted, unbalanced, and therefore unhealthy manner. First of all, let us be clear as to what I mean by the outer ego faculties. It is the part of man which he can influence, which he has direct access to -- his volitional thinking and what I often call the outer will: the volition that can be exerted directly. A simple example will clarify the difference between the direct will faculties and the indirect will faculties on the physical level. You can determine how you move -- that you will move a hand, for example -- or what action you are going to undertake. But you have no direct access of your will over your heartbeat or over your circulation. The same exists on a mental basis and on an emotional basis. Man cannot force himself to harbor certain emotions. But he can certainly determine the direction of his thinking and thereby eventually change undesirable emotions, just as the heartbeat and the circulation can be affected indirectly, through faculties that man can determine directly.

When man uses the volitional faculties of his will in a wrong way, then disorder exists in the psyche. If he over-exerts his will and tries to direct it to areas which cannot be controlled directly but only indirectly, then he wastes his energy and therefore he debilitates himself. It is as though man would try to force -- with all his might and by sheer outer will -- a change in his blood circulation. If this effort has any effect at all, then it can only worsen his condition. On the other hand, man has many means at his disposal for improving his circulation; and those must be executed with his outer will. It is the same process with the mental faculties and the emotional faculties. Man often gets lost in a wrong approach: he exerts his will in the wrong way and he neglects to do so when this would be desirable. When the will is not used sufficiently, then the ego becomes too strong and too tight. If an ego is over-exerted, then it becomes so exhausted that the effect is often a desire to escape from the self. In other words, to let go out of weak motives. Letting go is then an escape which may become dangerous.

Letting go properly can take place only with a healthy ego. That is, an ego which is in balance and which is not indoctrinated with false concepts, with false fears, and with destructive attitudes. Only then does giving up the direct overcontrol become possible, and is actually desirable. The deep longing that man has for happiness and for the harmony of letting go of his ego faculties comes from the fact that deep down man knows that all great human experiences are the result of letting go, at least to some degree, of the ego faculties, of a too tight overcontrol. All creative manifestations are a direct result of an inner intelligence and wisdom which surpasses by far the conscious, directly available intelligence. Therefore, the latter must be used consciously and deliberately in order to activate the former. This inner being exists apparently independently of the outer volitional thinking apparatus. At first man is completely unaware of this inner powerful intelligence. Then he experiences it occasionally as totally separate from his conscious and deliberate self. Finally, he integrates these two parts of himself. In order to accomplish this integration, he must learn to use his conscious ego for the purpose of activating his inner self. In other words, he must learn the fine balance between when and how to use the outer ego and when and how to let it step aside.

All truly great human experiences come from this inner, involitional self. They can never come from the outer ego -- unless it is already integrated with the inner self. All acts of creation in art and science, all great inventions, all truly enriching and lasting values emanate from this inner being, just as do all spiritual experiences, as well as the experience of the ecstasy of love between the sexes, and finally the great experience of physical death -- which is erroneously assumed by man to be a sad or horrible experience. This is no more so than any of the other experiences that I just mentioned. These other experiences are, for that matter, almost equally feared by man. Only, this fear is not as conscious. Man fears the great spiritual experience. He fears the great act of total love, and he fears the letting go of the little self in the ecstasy of union. Man fears the apparent need for courage required for letting the inner self manifest with its wisdom and its truth, so that a creative manifestation is possible. As I said, man is less aware of these fears, while the fear of death has been played up by humanity and therefore has been made into a big and seemingly rational fear.

The fear of letting go of the outer ego faculties is a result of the false idea that life can be maintained only when the ego is held together tightly. What does it mean when we say that man does not want to lose his life? What does "life" mean in this connection? Man does not want to lose his sense of identity, his sense of being an individual, his sense of having a distinct, unique existence. In other words, his sense of self-consciousness. This is associated purely with the state of being human -- with the outer ego faculties of direct volitional thinking, direct volitional willing, and direct volitional feeling. Without these outer ego faculties, he fears that he will lose himself. And that means death to him, a feeling of not existing, of "I am not." Therefore, he holds himself tightly together.

The spiritual history of evolution has brought man into a temporary state of being too tightly held together, if I may put it this way, until he learns to re-establish the balance. In other words, in the course of his evolution he has gone overboard on the ego faculties. As a result, he cannot overcome the matter that separates him from life. This is because he associates his separateness with individuality. It is true that if the ego is too weak and therefore ineffectual, then individuality suffers and is therefore diminished. Hence the ego must be strengthened, but for the sole purpose of easing it again, so that it can then integrate with the indirectly accessible, deeper, wider, wiser self. As long as man associates his identity exclusively with the outer ego, then he must fear to let it go, for this appears like annihilation in the sense that he loses his sense of existing. This is man's separateness in the true sense of the word. This is the deepest root of the human fear of letting go. Therefore, the fear of happiness prevails, for no true happiness can exist when the outer ego is exclusively in command. Any over-exertion of the ego prevents real experience. All really beautiful, valid, constructive, and meaningful experiences come from a perfect balance between the volitional self and the involitional self -- that which manifests spontaneously, unbidden, indirectly, and which is not accessible by the outer, volitional will direction. Those experiences are the truly great ones. Those experiences are the ones which make man feel his oneness with the universe. The fact that he constantly longs for it -- whether he is aware of this longing or not -- is understandable, for this is his destiny, this is his natural state, this is the direction toward which his evolution pushes him. The deep inner need to reach that state of perfect integration between the outer ego faculties and this inner, involitional self must exist in man as long as this need has not been fulfilled. This is where he must go. When he unwittingly blocks his way to this destiny -- in fear, in misconception, in self-alienation, and in escape from life -- then a conflict arises in the deep psyche. Then this destiny becomes simultaneously his greatest longing and his deepest fear. This dichotomy between desire and fear exists particularly in all those aspects of life experience where the overcontrol prevents the ego from stepping aside sufficiently to let the inner self manifest.

Where such overcontrol has existed for some time -- and therefore has exhausted the personality -- man often resorts to false means in order to liberate himself from the burden of overcontrol. He can no longer stand this state, one in which he overloads one faculty of his being and he thwarts another, one which is infinitely better equipped to serve him. He looks for a state of relief in which he can experience the wonder and the richness of the universe. But often inadvertently he grabs for false and even dangerous means of relief. The most extreme forms of finding release from ego over-functioning are alcoholism and drug addiction. A less extreme forms is self-alienation. In other words, the mental state of disassociation from the self. These are instituted unconsciously in a deliberate way to affect a flight from the ego. Many ways exist in which man can escape from himself. These are the false, misunderstood, inadvertent ways in which the self seeks liberation from the overburdened ego. When he experiences the negative results of such an escape from the self, then he is all the more convinced of the danger of letting go. And he falls back once again into the other extreme -- that of holding on too tightly to that which had created the imbalance in the first place.

Only a strong, healthy, and robust ego can afford to let go of itself. Only such a strong, healthy, and robust ego can give itself up, and therefore integrate with the larger self. This is man's story of the imbalance of his psyche. This explains why man must be constantly caught in the tremendous struggle between longing for happiness and fearing happiness, and between longing for a healthy letting go and fearing a healthy letting go -- a letting go which affords the larger self the opportunity to manifest, to create, to guide, and to be. Through this letting go a genuine control then exists. In other words, not a tight, anxious one, but a perfectly harmonious, effortless one, which increases awareness of the power that each individual possesses, without however making this power a burden.

This topic will be better understood when you consider certain areas of your life which function perfectly well. Perhaps it has always been that way, which means that you have either come into this life liberated, free, and healthy in these particular aspects, or that you have corrected them and therefore have established these healthy patterns in some respects of your life through work on a path such as this. Whatever the case may be, the positive self-perpetuating principle exists. I talked about this, but in order to make this topic more understandable, I must say more about it now.

All aspects of living and being, and all of man's outer and inner activities -- especially the permanent and repetitive ones -- are based on self-perpetuating processes. Each of these areas is like a magnetic field. The attitude that man harbors about this specific area of his life, the thoughts, the feelings, the impressions, the concepts, the resulting actions, the reactions, the interactions, as well as the patterns that arise from all this -- all this put together forms a nucleus of energy. There is always new energy arising from this nucleus, which might also be called a magnetic field.

There are a number of basic life experiences for each human being. Let us enumerate a few of the most important and fundamental ones, applying to all human beings alike. Man's attitude to his work; his attitude to his career; his attitude to material life; his attitude to love; his attitude to sex; his attitude to general human relationships; his attitude to material values; his attitude to his health; his attitude to his outer life; his attitude to his appearance; his attitude to activity; his attitude to nature; his attitude to art; his attitude to pleasure; his attitude to leisure; his attitude to spiritual reality; his attitude to self-development; his attitude to permanent values; his attitude to collecting and assimilating knowledge. These are all separate magnetic energy fields. In each human life some are positively self-perpetuating and some are negatively self-perpetuating. Where they work positively, then everything goes smoothly. Man does not have to struggle. Desirable results come as if by themselves, effortlessly and harmoniously, never creating either problems or conflicts. The right action happens at the right time, both from outside and from inside. He thinks of the appropriate things to do, to say, or to undertake at precisely the proper moment. Execution happens without inner or outer hindrance. Nothing stands in the way. Things fall into place by themselves. Inspiration, guidance, one's own resourcefulness -- all function well. In such areas man is apt to take this for granted so that he is unaware of the mechanics. Once you pay attention to it, then you will see that the ego does its part, but it is not exclusively in charge, for it cannot cause this smooth functioning of so many factors that the ego has no control over -- both external factors and inner factors. This is a typical description of a positively-working magnetic field, or a positively self-perpetuating energy.

The negative magnetic fields, the negative areas of life experience, denote failure, pressure, difficulty, wrong timing, frustration. Things do not work out. When closely observed, it can be seen seen that the ego presses and pushes in the false assumption that this will overcome the obstruction. Pain, disappointment, and complications arise.

Man is usually so shortsighted that he calls the positive fields "good luck" and the negative ones "bad luck." When man tries to control the result itself directly, then he must waste his energy -- and he will certainly not succeed in changing a negative field into a positive one. But he can directly control all of that which makes up the negative magnetic field. That is, he can examine himself -- his thoughts, his feelings, and his attitudes -- in this respect. In other words, he can determine whether he chooses to continue to remain in a vague climate of helplessness and hopelessness, or whether he decides to clarify his inner climate first by properly formulating it and then by stating his sincere desire to change this climate and to create an entirely new positive attitude in this particular respect.

No one is more superstitious and fatalistic than the person who ignores the spiritual realities behind manifestation. In other words, the materialistically oriented person. It is particularly he who believes in "good luck" and in "bad luck," because he cannot see beneath the surface. Since he refuses to conceive of it, then he cannot perceive it. Neither can he see that he does have influence over those areas in which he appears to be unlucky. The only way he can change them is by deep and honest self-confrontation, by the realization that there is a possibility to change, by the desire to do so, and by not shirking the effort that this requires.

When a person is involved in a negative magnetic field, then he cannot press with his outer will to change it. Instead, he must use his outer will in order to discover what this negative self-perpetuating field consists of, why it exists, and what in him has created it. In this way he will automatically institute a positive field.

As long as there is negativity and destructiveness in him, then man must fear to let go of the outer, controlling ego. Since his destructiveness comes from a negative magnetic field and perpetuates it further, letting go of the outer control means giving free rein to this uncontrolled force. In this sense, then, his refusal to let go of the ego is an understandable protection and, within this limited framework, healthy. So it is understandable that you will fear to let go as long as there is a negative magnetic field in any area of your life. But you will not fear to let go when you use your volitional faculties to uncover in what specific area positive magnetic fields also manifest and what the specific areas of the negative magnetic fields are. See this clearly and precisely. It is very important that you first see the positive areas as well as the negative ones and then that you compare them. None of you has only negative magnetic fields. When you compare these two ways of life, then it will be easier for you to have a relaxed attitude about uncovering the nature of your negative magnetic fields.

This is the nature of this work. But I would like you to focus on it with this more exact understanding in the context of what I have said here. Then you will realize the existence of your particular negative fields. You will see that until now you had lacked this precise awareness. Then you will observe how you pressure ego energy into the wrong channel and you will eventually be able to change the direction of this energy. The existence of these negative fields -- with all their destructive beliefs, their destructive thinking, their destructive feelings, and their destructive willing -- makes you fear giving up your little ego. Now you will understand why you fear happiness and why you fear letting go of the outer control. But once these magnetic fields are known and understood, then they already begin to weaken in their effect and therefore a positive self-perpetuating magnetic field slowly comes into existence.

Where the positive fields are at work there must exist trust. The more positive energy fields and the fewer negative energy fields exist in a human psyche, then the greater must be the trust in the higher powers -- in the energy fields which create your life, apparently apart from your volitional self. The more such trust exists, the less problematic it will be to give up the little outer self and to let it flow so that it can integrate with the inner self, with the superior self, with all of its available forces and resources.

This is the only way trust in life, trust in the self, and trust in God can be established. For how can you let go of the little ego, with its tight control, if there is no trust? And how can trust in the universe be established in any other valid and genuine way than by correcting the negative fields, with their repeating undesirable and painful patterns? To say that you "must" trust in a God far away from you is an impossible demand, and therefore is a completely meaningless command. It means nothing. But the trustworthiness of life, and therefore of God -- that is, of the cosmic universal powers and laws -- will be a self-understood matter when you understand how and why the negative fields work, why they exist, and the fact that they need not exist. Even before they are transformed into positive ones, you will know that in principle trust is justified because underneath these negative fields something exists that can be trusted and that can be activated by your outer mind -- by your outer will and your outer thought orientation. The more this vaster power -- that exists underneath even the strongest negative self-perpetuation -- is contacted, because in principle it is conceived in one's outlook, then the easier it will be to change the energy currents from destructive channels into constructive ones.

This is the only way the ego can become strong and healthy. This is the only way it can integrate with the inner being -- the utterly reliable inner being. It is this integration with the inner being which functions in an indirect way, as it were. In this indirect way of functioning "life happens" effortlessly, yet you are not a passive recipient. In other words, things do not happen for you. They happen with you and through you, and they automatically make you respond in an adequate way. When man wants to be left out of it and wants to remain a passive recipient, then he has not grasped the nature of life and the part that he is to play in the business of living. When he wants to take the reins too tightly, then the same holds true. The ego cannot be shoved aside, nor must it be overburdened. For this balance to be established, it is essential that man first realizes that he does possess an inner being which can be activated. Otherwise, how can he fail to overburden the ego and to charge it with tasks that it is not equipped to execute? Only then is the total and harmonious integration between the ego and the inner being possible.

This must be the way, my friends. This is the only way the integration, the trust, and the relaxed state of the inner, richer, wider being can manifest. Not in a way of escape, but in the complete integration of the ego with the inner self.

Are there any questions now?

QUESTION: What is the intermediary process for reaching the state of integration? Any particular process?

ANSWER: The particular process is the work of this path that I have given and that I continue to give to my friends. It is self-recognition, which sounds like an easy word, but is certainly not easy to do. For man is often governed by impulses and drives that he can rationalize glibly, but he truly knows nothing of their real nature. This deep self-recognition is a long and consistent path requiring the greatest courage of truthfulness with oneself. This is the only way possible that leads to this integration. There is no other way.

QUESTION: Lately I have had mental blocks. Whenever I concentrate and work and use the methods you just described, there is just a blank. It is very difficult to go through it, and very tiring, energy consuming. Can you help me in this?

ANSWER: In the first place, when you observe yourself closely, then you will find that when certain topics come up -- topics that you want to discuss or meditate about, or even those that come to you from outside -- you will feel an anxiety. At first this anxiety may register only as a vague feeling of unrest, of impatience, of irritation, and the like. Instead of immediately trying to penetrate it, or to explain it away, put down some key words. Do this in writing. It is important to do so, because otherwise it eludes you so easily. Just what are these moments when you feel uneasy? What was the occasion? What fleeting thought passed through you when the camouflaged anxiety came up? Try to pinpoint it. Hold it fast. When you collect this over a period of a few days, or maybe a week, then you will have a whole list. Out of this a clear pattern, a common denominator, will arise. It may be comparatively easy for you and your helper to see what this common denominator is. At any rate, you will soon sense an overall topic in which you block because you do not want to see the truth. State to yourself that it is unreasonable to evade the truth. It always is. To do so causes needless suffering, burdens, fears and escape from the self. Once the truth is totally faced, then relief and growth are possible. As you acknowledge that you fear the truth, then you can say to yourself: "I no longer want to evade the truth. My fear of the truth in this respect an irrational, illogical, unfounded fear. It has no foundation in reality. I will not give in to it. I determine, I make up my mind to face whatever it is. I request all the help that I need in order to do so." When you thus determine with your outer, volitional self what this negativity is, then the way will open once again, and therefore the blocks will yield. If you cannot see the common denominator, and therefore the problem that you are still reluctant to face, then perhaps one session with the medium may open the way. Sometimes in one session of deep discussion such an opening can occur. If you can discover it without this, then you will know the way automatically. You can also ask me again, and I will try to help you from another angle. Do you understand? Do you think you will do this?

COMMENT: I will work at it, I think I will...

ANSWER: If you say "I think I will," then you are capable of observing how you deliberately block yourself, even consciously. This is exactly where you have direct recourse with your outer will faculties. Since this block is not completely out of your reach, then you are not a helpless victim. For it is within the realm of the possible for you to say, "I will do this" -- and to mean it, too.

QUESTION: I think I have some very positive magnetic fields. And then there are some very unhappy ones. Now, where the ego is concerned, I have the feeling that either the ego runs the show, or it goes away completely. It is a sort of either/or business.

ANSWER: That is exactly what I meant in this lecture. You have a wonderful demonstration and example here, and therefore it is good that you bring it out, for it shows what I mean in an actual sense. Because the negative magnetic field exists, then letting go of your ego is naturally dreaded by you. It appears as though you give yourself up to something dangerous. The other alternative is that you hold on too tightly, which, of course, is the problem.

Therefore, it is necessary that you now use the approach that I outlined in this lecture, in which you, first of all, assert the fact: "Here is a negative field. This negative field need not exist. It is not something given to me by fate and which therefore cannot be changed. It can be changed, provided I understand exactly why the negative field exists and what makes it a negative self-perpetuating process. Therefore I declare that I am going to build a positive field. I know that this can be done only when my own negativity and destructiveness in this particular area is conscious. I intend to see it. Where is my pleasure principle in this respect attached to a destructiveness? I truly intend to see this." Then this will show you quite clearly how the energy is constantly regenerated through the pleasure principle that is attached to this particular negativity. This is the best way for you to go about it. As I have indicated in the past, a negative self-perpetuating field can exist only when the pleasure drive is negatively attached. Part of the resistance to correcting these unhappy areas is a hidden irrational fear, which expresses: "If I give up this entire structure, this entire field, with my negativity and the pleasure attached to it, then there will be no pleasure." Once it is ascertained, it must be countered by the conscious, rational thinking self that the pleasure is not being taken away. The truth is that the pleasure can exist in infinitely better and more desirable ways when it is attached to positive events, to positive actions, to positive thoughts, to positive feelings. In fact, man's natural, original state -- before his distortions set in -- is to be in a state of utter pleasure and positiveness.

COMMENT: Very often we put a false price in paying for pleasure. It is not necessary, there is no price.

ANSWER: Right, exactly. Any other questions.

QUESTION: I started with a new relationship and I think I can ultimately be very fond of this person. For one thing, I would like to be able to see that I am somehow appreciated by this person, more than I am actually now. There is a compulsiveness in me about this relationship, perhaps because I feel that I can't progress more now than the pace of my work makes possible at this time and I am afraid that my still existing problems may impede the relationship and ultimately cut it off.

ANSWER: I will first answer the last part of your question. You fear that your still existing blocks will impede the relationship and might even jeopardize it or destroy it. Of course, this is perfectly true. It would not be honest if anyone were to tell you that this could not happen. But think of how much more this does happen, how many people go through a lifetime when it happens constantly, again and again and again, until they become so bitter that they withdraw from living completely. Think of how much more painful it must be when one ascribes these occurrences to false reasons and, conversely, how constructive your life is when you learn from everything that you experience. For no one, absolutely no one, goes through life without destroying chances, because every single incarnated soul has unresolved problems and inner blocks. The healthy approach that I recommend would be this: "Yes, I do have a problem here. It is possible that my still existing problems might contribute to an imperfect relationship, which might finally end. But "this is life" and therefore I intend to learn the utmost from everything and to bring the most constructive attitude possible to bear on what comes to pass." You also must know that you cannot be drawn to anyone who does not have equal problems -- more or less. Therefore the other person must be equally responsible if it does not work. In other words, it is not only your doing, it cannot be only your doing. It is neither your doing nor her doing exclusively, it must be both. When you feel that no other person can blunder and when you feel guilty for not being "like others," then you will feel compulsive and over-anxious. But when you know that perfection does not exist and that no one can do more than his best in any given phase, then you will be more relaxed. The important thing is that you accept your present limitations, with all their consequences. This is a fundamental requirement for eliminating the limitation. In that spirit you can still derive a great deal of joy, of ever increasing joy, out of each encounter and therefore each new contact will be an improvement over the previous one, until you are no longer afraid of people, no longer afraid of contact, no longer afraid of love, no longer afraid of yourself. As a result, you will derive more of a lesson and more help, and you will also contribute more to the other person. This, in turn, will increase your security. With this attitude you will no longer be in illusion and you will no longer be in distortion. Instead, you will see the reality, and therefore you will grow from what you see. It cannot be expected that these blocks disappear in one sweep. Nevertheless, you will get more pleasure out of such encounters than ever before. Do not think that on the other side of the fence are all other human beings and that they have no problems, that they have complete relationships, and that they never destroy anything while you alone are on this side. Do not think that if only you could quickly get this block out of the way then you, too, would be among the privileged ones. All people constantly destroy inadvertently on this sphere of human life. But this is not the end of the world. Mistakes are not the end of the world. If you look at it in this way and learn from the experience, then you will not need to be so frightened.

When you know that every relationship is a mutual proposition, regardless of whether or not a relationship is good or bad, of whether it works out or not -- and this must be brought home to all who are involved, for it cannot be a one-sided thing -- then you will also discover your power. There is a strange and apparently paradoxical balance. The more egocentric the little child is, the more one-sidedly it expects to receive only. Therefore, the weaker -- and therefore the more helpless -- the person becomes. As a result, the more insecure the person becomes. At the same time, the more must he assume the total responsibility for the failure of the relationship. Since he experiences only his needs and only his desires, and since only he counts, then he cannot share the brunt of the failure when it does not work. Nor can he be aware of the power that he has to give to another person.

On the other hand, when egocentricity has been outgrown -- and therefore the person experiences himself on an equal level -- then his concern for others must grow. This will automatically give him the feeling that he has just as much power to make the other person either happy or unhappy as hitherto he had ascribed exclusively to the other person. Hence he will feel much more secure. Since he is willing to give, then he will feel entitled to receive. Consequently, he will feel that the responsibility is a shared one, rather than one that fluctuates between blaming the other and blaming himself. When you do not come to the other person as a begging child, then you will know your strength and your potential to give. This will enable you to use your intelligence, your power of observation, and your intuition to distribute your forces evenly between an active contribution and a passive contribution to the relationship. It must give you the freedom and the sense of proportion to realize that both of you are involved. If the other person were free from all his problems, then this healthy state would overcome all difficulties. For this is the strength of health.

My dearest friends, the spiritual food that I have offered you here can be taken in by all of you. It can enrich your possibility for expansion and be a helpful tool to help you first to find and to determine where both positive and negative magnetic fields exist in you, and then to consider the possibility that the negative in you can be reversed, provided you truly desire this and are prepared to go through with it. Be blessed, my dearest ones. Be in peace. Be in God.

April 15, 1966