Greetings, all my friends. Love, blessings, help, and inner strength are coming forth to sustain you and to help you open up your innermost being so that you can bring all levels of your being into life, thereby creating a beautiful wholeness with your entire being.
In this lecture I want to talk about meditation. Of course, I have spoken about it many times before. I have mentioned that there are many approaches to meditation. But this time I will speak about the act of meditation in a more comprehensive way, so as to help you to use it more effectively and meaningfully. In order to really understand the dynamics, the meaning, and the process of meditation -- and hence to derive the maximum benefit from it -- you must be clear about some psychic laws that I have discussed elsewhere in these lectures. For example, it is important to understand that three fundamental layers of the personality must be involved if meditation is to be truly effective.
These three fundamental personality levels we may call or designate:
(1) the conscious ego level -- with all the conscious knowing and willing that man has at his disposal;
(2) the unconscious egotistical child level -- with all its ignorance, its destructiveness, its claim for omnipotence; and
(3) the supraconscious universal self -- with its superior wisdom, power, and love, and with its comprehensive understanding of the events in man's life.
In effective meditation the conscious ego level activates both the unconscious egotistical, destructive self and the supraconscious superior universal self. A constant interaction must take place among these levels. In order to make this constant interaction possible, your conscious ego self must attain a tremendous amount of alertness and wakefulness.
The conscious ego must be completely determined to allow the unconscious egotistical self to reveal itself, to unfold, to manifest in awareness. This is neither as difficult nor as easy as it may seem. It is difficult exclusively because you fear not being as perfect, as evolved, as good, as rational, and as ideal as you want to be -- and even pretend to be. You try so hard that the ego becomes convinced of its perfection on the surface of consciousness. This surface conviction is constantly counteracted by the unconscious knowledge that this is not so. The result is that secretly the whole personality feels fraudulent, and is therefore terrified of exposure. It is an important sign of self-acceptance and of growth for a human being to allow the egotistical, irrational, outrightly destructive child to manifest, and then to acknowledge it with all the specific details of its expression. This alone will prevent the dangerous indirect manifestation with which the consciousness is not connected,
so that the undesirable results of this indirect manifestation seem to come from the outside. Meditation must deal with this aspect if it is not to be a lopsided endeavor.
The egotistical infant's anti-social desires and claims, convictions and attitudes must be exposed in exact detail. It seems hard to accept the fact that there is something in you that is so different from the way you want to
be and from the way you think of yourself as being. Meditation must constantly encourage this self-revelation -- not only generally speaking, but primarily
as to the specific daily situations you are involved in that are unpleasant or unsatisfactory.
The conscious ego must reach down and say: "Whatever is in me, whatever negativity and destructiveness is hidden in me, should be out in the open. I want to see it. I commit myself to seeing it, regardless of my hurt vanity. Wherever I am stuck, I want to be aware of how I deliberately refuse
to see my negativity and how I therefore over-concentrate on the wrongs of others." This is one direction of meditation.
The other direction must point toward the universal, higher self, which has powers that surpass the limitations of the conscious self. These higher powers should be called upon for the same purpose: exposing the destructive little self so that its resistance is overcome. Ego will alone may be incapable of accomplishing this. But the ego can and must meditate to request the higher powers to help. The universal consciousness should also be asked for help so that your consciousness understands the expressions of the destructive infant correctly, proportionately, without exaggeration, and without going to the opposite extreme from before, when you were not aware of its existence at all. A person can easily fluctuate from an outer self-aggrandizement to a hidden self-demoting. When the lower self reveals itself, then the person could easily fall prey to believing this destructive self to be the final, ultimate, sad reality. You must constantly ask for the guidance of the universal self to help you see the full reality about the revealing of the egotistical infant.
When the infant begins to express itself more freely -- because the ego allows this and receives these expressions as an interested, open listener -- then collect the material for further study. What reveals itself should be explored as to its origin, its results, and its further ramifications. What underlying misconceptions are responsible for the overt self-destruction, for the hate, for the spite, for the malice, and for the ruthless selfwill coming out? When the misconceptions are being recognized, then guilt and self-hate diminish proportionately. What are the results of the momentary satisfaction of giving in to these destructive impulses? When the consequences are clearly worked through, then the inner determination to be destructive weakens -- proportionately to the full understanding of the particular cause and effect. When this part of the pathwork is glossed over and is taken for granted without particular and exacting insight, then the task is only half done. Meditation must deal with the entire problem, step by step. The interaction must be threefold: the ego must initially want it and must commit itself to it. It must reach in and let out the negative side. It must also ask for the help of the universal self in order to strengthen the consciousness for the further part of the work, namely the exploration of the underlying misconceptions and the heavy price to be paid for them. And then the universal self must be allowed to help overcome the temptation to give in -- over and over -- to the destructive impulses. Such giving in does not necessarily happen in action, but in emotional attitudes.
This important aspect of meditation requires a great deal of time, of patience, of perseverance, and of determination. Remember at all times that where you are unfulfilled, where there are problems, and where there is conflict in your life, there you should not concentrate with woe on others or on circumstances outside your control, but you should reach inside and explore the causes imbedded in your own egotistical childish level. Meditation is an absolute prerequisite for this. You must gather yourself calmly and quietly and seek the truth. Ask for an answer as to the causes that you contributed in this or that particular circumstance. In this state of mind peace will come to you, even before you fully understand. This truthful approach to life will already give you a measure of the peace and the self-respect that were lacking as long as you held others responsible for what you have to suffer. I discussed these principles before, but most of my friends did not actively use them or sufficiently incorporate them into their meditation.
If you meditate in this way, then you will discover a side of yourself that you have never known. The highest universal powers will communicate themselves to you for the purpose of discovering the most destructive, ignorant side -- which needs insight, purification, and change. By being willing to accept your negative self, then the positive self will become more of a reality in you. You will increasingly experience it as your real self, so that your despair about being bad, weak, or inadequate must fall by the wayside.
Many people meditate, but they neglect the two-sidedness of the endeavor, and therefore they miss out on integration. They may indeed actualize some
of the universal powers -- which do come into play where the personality is sufficiently free, positive, and open. But the unfree areas, the negative areas, and the closed areas are neglected and ignored in the one-sided meditational approach. The actualized universal powers will not, by themselves, enforce the integration with the undeveloped part of the self. The conscious ego self must determine this integration and must fight for it, otherwise the universal self cannot get through to the blocked areas. Partial integration with the universal self may lead to even greater self-deception, because the consciousness is deluded by the actually existing partial integration with the divine powers, and therefore becomes even more prone to overlook the neglected side. This creates a lopsided development.
The next step in meditation is to re-educate the destructive infant, which now is no longer entirely unconscious. This infant -- with its false beliefs, its stubborn resistance, its spitefulness, and its murderous rage -- must be re-oriented. However, this re-education cannot take place unless you are fully aware of every aspect of this destructive infant's beliefs and attitudes. This is why the first part of meditation
-- the revealing, exploratory phase -- is so fundamental. It goes without saying that this phase is not something that one gets over with, so that then the second phase, and later the third phase can begin. It is not a sequential happening. The phases overlap. Exploration, understanding, and re-education often go hand in hand, while at other times they have to be used separately. The feeling for timing must be developed. No rules can be made which relieve you of the need to feel into yourself so as to know what to use and when to use it. It is easy to look past that which is stagnant in you. Even if the first meditational approach is properly used and you are capable of seeing new vistas of the destructive child in you, the second aspect may be neglected. In other words, the understanding of the causes and their effects may not be worked through. Or perhaps the aspect of re-education may not be fully undertaken. But when you do work through all these levels, then a tremendous strengthening of your whole self takes place. Several things begin to happen within your personality. In the first place, the conscious ego personality itself becomes stronger and healthier -- stronger and healthier in a good, relaxed sense. You become more determined and more aware. Your direction is more meaningful. Your attention is more focused. You have a greater power of concentration. You feel much more self-accepting and understanding of reality. Unreal self-hate and self-disgust leave you. Equally false claims for specialness and perfection also go away. False spiritual pride, vanity, false self-humility, and shame disappear. Through the steady activation of the higher powers, the self feels less and less forlorn, helpless, lost, hopeless, and empty. The whole sense of the universe, in all its marvelous possibilities, reveals itself from within, and the reality of this wider world shows you the way to first accept and then to change the destructive inner child. This gradual change enables the person to accept all his feelings and to let the energy flow through his being. When the small, petty, and mean side is accepted -- with the understanding that it is not the total final reality -- then the beauty, the love, the wisdom, and the infinite power of the superior self become more real. The higher self cannot lead to unrealistic arrogance, to specialness, and to self-idealization when the lower self is constantly being dealt with. This way leads to balanced development, to integration, to a deep reassuring sense of one's own reality, and to realistic self-love.
When looking at the truth in yourself and committting yourself to this truth becomes second nature, then you detect a side in you which up to now
you were too resistant to see. Simultaneously, you also detect this great universal, spiritual power that is in you -- and that is, in fact, you. Paradoxical as it may seem, the more you can accept the mean little creature, the ignorant little infant in you without losing your sense of self-value, the more you will perceive the greatness of your innermost being -- provided you do not use your discovery of the little self to beat yourself down. The little self wants to seduce the conscious ego and make it stay within the narrow confines of neurotic self-beating, of hopelessness, and of morbid capitulation -- which, in reality, always cover unexpressed hate. The conscious ego must prevent this by using what you know: by talking to this part of yourself, and by giving it all the knowledge of your conscious ego. If this is not sufficient, then request the powers beyond your consciousness.
In order to get to know both the lowest in you and the highest in you,
you must realize the function, the capacity, and also the limitations of your conscious ego. Your ego can develop the desire to see -- on a conscious level and with all your heart -- the full truth of both the lowest in you and the highest in you and to want to give up destructiveness and change. But
the ego consciousness cannot achieve this alone. Therefore, it must turn for help and for guidance to the universal self and then wait patiently and with an open attitude about the way this help might manifest. Do not be impatient, do not be doubtful, and do not be full of preconceived notions.
The more open you are, the faster the help will come, and the sooner you will recognize it. Help from the universal consciousness may come forth in an entirely different manner than your concepts may make room for -- and this might be a hurdle. This open, waiting, accepting, and positive attitude must
be cultivated. It may not be possible to adopt it immediately, but recognizing its absence can be a constructive acknowledgement of where the self is at the moment.
There are many kinds of meditation. There is religious meditation, which consists of reciting specific prayers. There is meditation in which the main object is to increase the power of concentration. There is meditation in which spiritual laws are contemplated through and through. There is meditation in which the ego is made totally passive and will-less, and the Divine is allowed its own flux. All have either more or less value. But my suggestion to you is to use the available energy and time for confronting that part of the self which destroys happiness, fulfillment, and wholeness. Because bypassing it can never create the wholeness which the entity truly desires, whether this desire is conscious or not.
So far we have discussed: (1) Recognition of the unconscious destructive egotistical self; (2) following through the underlying misconceptions, their meaning, their cause and effect, and the price to be paid in regard to the present destructive attitudes. The next phase (3) is to re-orient and to
re-educate the destructive part of the self. What I say here must be taken
with great care, otherwise it will fail to communicate the subtleties involved. Re-education might be easily misunderstood and therefore might lead toward a renewed suppression of the destructive part that now begins to unfold. You have to take great care by consciously and deliberately avoiding the repression of the destructive part without, however, allowing it to engulf you. The best attitude toward the unfolding destructive part is one of detached observation, of unharried and unjudging acceptance. As it unfolds, you must remind yourself that its truth and its attitudes are not your only truths and your only attitudes, that they are not absolute or final, and, above all, that you do have the inherent power to change your negative self. The incentive to change may be lacking when you are not fully aware of the damage that your negative part is doing to your life when it goes unrecognized. It is therefore important in this phase of meditation to look for the indirect manifestations of your negative current. For example, how does your unexpressed hate manifest in your life? Perhaps by feeling undeserving, perhaps by feeling afraid, or perhaps by inhibiting your energies. All this must be explored.
It is important to realize -- and to remind yourself of again and again -- that where there is life there is constant change, there is constant fluctuation, and there is constant movement, even if this movement is temporarily immobilized. Matter is momentarily paralyzed, hardened life stuff.
In other words, it consists of frozen blocks of energy. It can always be made to move again, but only the consciousness can do it, for the life stuff is filled with consciousness, as well as energy. It really does not matter whether this energy is momentarily blocked and frozen, or whether this consciousness is momentarily dimmed. In meditation the part of you which is already conscious and already moving spurs the blocked energy into becoming mobile again and the dimmed consciousness into becoming aware again. The best way to do this is to allow the suppressed consciousness to express itself. Here you need a receptive attitude, not an attitude of fear that sees what comes forth as devastating and as catastrophic. The panicky attitude toward one's own unfolding destructive infant does more damage than the destructive infant itself. You must learn to listen to it and then to calmly receive its expressions without hating yourself and without pushing it away. Only when you have such an attitude can you understand its underlying factors, and only then can you begin the process of re-education. When an accepting and understanding attitude exists, then it becomes possible for the conscious ego to assert its benign dominion over the violently destructive and stagnant psychic matter. You must be kind, firm, and deeply determined against your own destructiveness. You have to identify with the destructiveness and yet you have to be detached from it. You have to realize that it is part of you and you must also realize that there is another part of you that can have the final word, if you so choose. You have to widen the limitations of your conscious ego expressions by realizing that you can say at any moment: "I will be stronger than my destructiveness! I will not be hampered by it! I determine that my life will be at its best. I determine that my life will be at its fullest. I determine to overcome the inner blocks that make me want to remain unhappy. My own determination will give me the power which will enable me to experience more and more bliss as I let go of the doubtful pleasure of being negative, a negative pleasure which I now fully recognize." This is
the task of the conscious ego. As this is accomplished, then the powers of guidance, of wisdom, of strength, of a new inner feeling of love will come forth. In other words, the penetration of the universal self will begin to
take place.
Re-education also depends on the efforts of the conscious ego. In other words, its instructions to the lower self and its dialogue with the ignorant child, as well as on the intervention and the guidance of the universal self. Each in their own way will affect a gradual growing of this infant. The ego must determine its goal: to change the consciousness of the negative inner child. It must want this and it must commit itself to it -- and it must know that this is its task. But the accomplishment of this goal is made possible only by the influx of the spiritual aspect of the deeper personality, which must be consciously and deliberately activated. You must be conscious of an active part which asserts its desire, its goal, and its power over the negative aspects. It leads the dialogue and it -- calmly but firmly -- instructs the ignorant child. You must also develop a receptive part, which patiently awaits the final -- but always gradual -- manifestation of the universal powers which then bring about this inner change. This inner change brings resiliency, new reactions, and good feelings -- where previously they were either negative or dead. Rushing and pressuring the resisting part is just as useless and just as ineffective as the direct refusal to budge. When the conscious ego does not recognize the fact that there is a part of the self which actually refuses every step toward health, every step toward unfoldment, and every step toward the good life, then a counter-active movement may set in, one of hurried, impatient pressure. Both derive from self-hate. When you feel yourself stymied and hopeless, then it should be a sign for you to search for that part in you that says: "I do not wish to change. I do not wish to be constructive." Set out to find this voice. Through meditation, you can explore the worst in you and let it express itself.
You can see how expressing the negative part, exploring it as to its meaning and cause and effect, and then re-educating it must be an alternating
-- and often simultaneous -- constantly fluctuating process. You can also see how these three levels of interaction combine in the effort of purification
and of integration. The meditation process is, among other things, a constant voicing and articulation of what hitherto was not articulated. It is a confrontation and then a threefold communication -- from the ego toward the destructive self and from the ego toward the universal self -- so that the universal self affects both the ego and the destructive self. Your own sensitivity will grow day by day so as to feel what is needed at any given moment of your evolutionary path.
Each day brings new tasks, exciting tasks, beautiful tasks. Your inner work should not be approached in a spirit of wanting to get it over with, as if life will begin only after this inner work is done. On the contrary, doing this work is living at its best. You may begin each meditation by asking yourself: "How do I really feel at this moment? In what respect am I dissatisfied? What is it that I may be avoiding to face?" Then you may request the universal spirit in you to help you to become aware of these particular answers. Then you have to wait trustingly for what may unfold. Only when you become aware of a negative current can you have a direct confrontation with it. Then you can open a dialogue with it, ask it further questions, and then instruct it. With patience and with determination, you can re-mold and
re-orient stagnant psychic energy by the willingness to be totally honest with yourself, by the willingness to be totally constructive, by the willingness to be totally loving, and by the willingness to be totally open. If you find an unwillingness to do this, then it is this very unwillingness that you must confront, explore, and then re-educate.
This is the only meaningful way in which meditation can make your life focused toward the resolution of your problems, focused toward your growth, focused toward your fulfillment, focused toward unfolding your best potentials. When you do this, then the time will come when trusting life will no longer be a vague, far-away theory that you cannot experience personally. Instead, you will be filled with confidence in life and filled
with the healthiest kind of self-love. Hence, your love for life will be
based on realistic considerations and not on wishful thinking.
The paradoxes and the opposites that you constantly deal with in your life
will conciliate themselves. This is particularly important in connection with meditation on this threefold interaction within you. I would like to discuss
a few of these very important seeming paradoxes. For instance, let us examine desire versus desirelessness. Both are spiritual aspects and spiritual realities. Only in the dualistic, separated mind do they seem like opposites or paradoxes, so that this mind becomes confused. It no longer knows what is right and what is wrong. There must be desire in a human being, for only through your desire can you come to the fourth aspect of meditation: to expand your conscious concepts so as to create a new and better life substance, and therefore a new and better life experience. It is the creating part I spoke about in previous lectures. If you do not desire a better state of being or if you dot not desire more fulfillment, then you will have no material with which to mold the life stuff, and therefore to create. The visualization of a fuller state -- as opposed to a previous limited state -- presupposes desire. These concepts must be built up with the conscious ego. The intervention and the actualization of the universal consciousness must help to create a more expanded state. But if there exists a dichotomy between desire and desirelessness, then you cannot grasp
and then feel the necessary attitude. Through desire you will believe in the new possibilities, and therefore you will reach greater states of fulfillment and greater depths of self-expression. But if the desire is tense, urgent, and contracted, then it forms a block. Such desire implies: "I do not believe that it can be." This is a doubt which exists due to an underlying voice which perhaps says: "I really don't want it." (This inner no-saying voice may also be due to other misconceptions, to unjustified fears, or to the unwillingness to pay the price.) The underlying denial creates a desire which is too tense. There exists a kind of desirelessness which says, as it were: "I know that I can have what I want and I know that I will have it, even if what I wish is not realizable right now and in exactly the way I want it. I trust the universe to give me what I want. I also trust my own good will to cope with the temporary non-fulfillment of this desire."
What are the common denominators of healthy desire and of healthy desirelessness that make meditation -- and indeed all life experience -- real and beautiful? First, the absence of fear and the presence of trust. If you fear the frustration, the non-fulfillment, and its consequences, then the tension of your soul movements will prohibit the fulfillment you want -- and then you might eventually give up all desire. As
a result, you will have a distorted, misunderstood, and wrong desirelessness -- which is created by a tense desire, which, in turn, is due to fear, and which is due to the infantile belief that you will be annihilated if you do not have what you want when you want it. Hence you do not trust your ability to cope with non-fulfillment, and therefore you are inordinately frightened of it. And the vicious circle goes around. The fear induces a cramp and a denial of the desire. These very subtle, obscure attitudes must be explored in your meditation, so that you can come to the fourth stage of meaningful meditation: expressing your desire with confidence that the universe is able to yield to you what you long for. You can deal with the obstacles on the way when you know that the ultimate state of bliss will be yours. Then desire and desirelessness will no longer be paradoxes, but rather complementing attitudes.
Something similar happens with the apparent opposites of involvement and detachment. It seems paradoxical to postulate that both must exist in the healthy psyche. But this duality does exist. If detachment is indifference -- perhaps because you are afraid to be involved, or because you are unwilling to risk pain, or because you are frightened of loving -- then detachment is a distortion of the real attitude. And if involvement merely means the expression of an overly tense will -- one that is based on the
fear that results from the infantile insistence to always have what you want immediately and unconditionally -- then the healthy, productive version of involvement becomes inverted.
Now I will choose a third example of apparent opposites which make one comprehensive whole if they are not distorted. Let us take the inner attitude of activity and passivity. On the dualistic level these two seem to be mutually exclusive. How can you be both passive and active in a harmonious way? The right interaction includes both these inner movements. For instance, meditation must include both. You are active when you explore inner levels of your consciousness -- both positive and negative; you are active when you commit yourself to overcoming your resistance, and then you struggle to first recognize it and then to overcome it; you are active when you question yourself further and you try to release the previously unadmitted destructive side; you are active when you have a dialogue with the lower self; you are active when you re-educate the infantile, ignorant aspects of yourself; you
are active when you use your ego consciousness to activate your spiritual consciousness; you are active when you create a new concept of life experience, as opposed to your old limiting one; you are active when the ego deals with both universes in order to establish a connection. But you must also learn to wait passively first for the unfoldment and then for the expression of both these levels. Then the right blend of activity and of passivity exists. The universal powers cannot come to fruition in a human being unless
both the active movement and the passive movement exist.
These are very important concepts to observe within yourself and to use in order to understand where they are distorted and where they are functioning well. When the three-way interaction takes place within you, then there is always a harmonious blend between desire and desirelessness, between involvement and detachment, and between activity and passivity. When this happens, then the destructive infant grows up. It is not killed, it is not annihilated, it is not "exorcised." But its frozen powers re-solve themselves into live energy, which you will actually feel as a new living force. This infant must not be slain, my friends. It must be brought to growth, so that
it can be liberated and brought to salvation. By working toward this goal, you will steadily move closer to the goal of unifying the ego level
and the universal self.
Please meditate on this powerful material. Be blessed, be in peace, be in God.
May 8, 1970
Copyright 1970, the Center for the Living Force, Inc.