Lecture No 32

Decision Making

By The Pathwork Guide

Greetings in the name of the Lord, my friends. I bring blessings to all of you. All things work together for good for those who love God. Let us examine this statement of the Scriptures to find its deeper meaning. The words "those who love God" are not meant merely that you believe in God or that you profess to love Him or that you recite some prayers. The true love of God means to work spiritually, to develop, and to get to know divine law in all its psychological aspects as they pertain to you personally. In order to be able to do so, in order to get to know yourself thoroughly so that not only your deeds, your words, and your thoughts are in conformity with spiritual law, but also your emotions, then you must love God. The latter is, of course, a lengthy process.

Only he who is on this road can say that he truly loves God. Then how can we explain the meaning of the Biblican saying that "all things work together for good"? And this is, indeed, the truth. For him who follows this path of development and purification whatever happens must be for the good. Only when you have reached a certain stage of this development will you come to realize the truth of these words. There is no apparent tragedy, no mishap, or misfortune that does not carry some good for him who follows this path and thus proves his love for God. Yet so many of you do not know this. You are still living under the delusion that this is a world of coincidence, a world of chance, or even a world of injustice. Though you may not think that this is true, many of you feel so. And that is your great error and your tragic illusion. On the other hand, a person who is not following this path -- in other words, a person who does not love God above everything -- will find that the best things that happen to him will not be for the good: at a later time they might create difficulties and tests that only begin to work for the good perhaps many incarnations later, the moment this path has been started. But up to that time nothing is for the good in an ultimate sense. However, from that time on -- which is the most crucial period in a soul's evolution -- everything that happens, everything that has happened, and everything that will happen must be for the good. For those of my friends who follow these lectures, who study with me, and who follow this path of self-purification it may be an excellent exercise in meditation to think of all the tragedies, of all the difficulties, and of all the troubles of your life up to now -- both past and present. If you can find some good in it, then you will have accomplished a further step upwards. As long as these words remain merely words for you, then it is not sufficient. You must come to the point when you deeply realize the truth of these words. This is why I am giving each and every one of you this suggestion for meditation. Where the understanding is still lacking and where you cannot find the good in a particular situation or in a specific happening, then this ought to be an indication for you that an important portion of self-knowledge is still lacking. If it were not lacking, then you could immediately find the connection, one in which each misfortune will touch off or trigger a particular fault or a particular ignorance of the existence of an emotional current that is running contrary to divine law. If you do not know all your inner weak points, then you must understand that without such apparently disadvantageous happenings they could not come into your conscious mind. Therefore, you could not truly understand them. And this is the basic requirement before you can alter them. But where you cannot make the connection, then you may come to me to ask more precise questions on the subject, and I will lead you and guide you to find the connecting point in your own soul. Remember, my friends, once you are on this path, then even your wrong actions and your faulty judgments become beneficial to you -- not just the things that seem to happen from the outside.

You all know that to love your fellow creatures is one of the important laws of the universe. We have discussed love at great length: how to acquire it, what stands in its way, how to face your inability to love as you would like to, etc. However, now I should like to address a few of my friends who are already capable of love to some degree. It is only a question of degree. As long as you are not completely purified, then your love cannot be divine and perfect. Your love will be blurred in the measure to which you are still lacking purification. There are various ways in which -- according to the complexities of an individual's character -- this deviation from divine love may take place. One way is that you put the loved one on too high a place. In other words, you invest the loved one with a perfection that he or she does not possess as yet. And here you are doing a great wrong, even though you may feel that this is really a proof of your love. This is not true. It must be a burden to the loved one to be overestimated. Sometimes consciously -- though more often subconsciously -- the particular person in question or the loved subject will know it and feel it, and will therefore feel a compulsion to live up to that idealized image. On the one hand, all human beings are starved for love. Most seek it in the wrong way, namely to receive it first and then to perhaps give it afterwards. That is, provided there is no risk involved. This longing for love seems to force the subject to strain and to struggle to maintain this idealized image, feeling that if he or she fails to do so, then the love may be jeopardized. On the other hand, the subject resents the giver of love because deep down it feels that love is wrong. The unpurified soul lacks the strength to be willing to jeopardize love given on wrong or false premises. So it feels compelled to create a mask self in which it never really feels comfortable, at ease, and loved for its own sake and for its real personality. So I should like you to search within yourself. When you do love someone dear or close to you, do you then -- unspokenly or even thoughtlessly -- demand too much perfection? When you find the affirmative answer, then you will know that this is not a good and healthy love; it is neither beneficial to you nor to the loved subject. It is in your power to help destroy the harmful masks of others, at least to some degree. You can do this not only by destroying your own masks and courageously facing up to your real self, but also by trying to see the other person as he really is and loving him that way, as opposed to just loving a perfectionalized picture of him. Furthermore, realize what your deeper and hidden reasons are for needing a more perfect love subject than reality produces. In all probability there is a measure of pride as a covered or hidden motive for this type of love that you are bestowing. In addition, there must be a lack of tolerance and a lack of compassion in you. In other words, a lack of being able to accept people as they are. You should be able to love a person by accepting his imperfections, as opposed to feeling that you have to close your eyes to them. In that way, you will really bestow a gift on the loved one, for then he will feel free to be himself and not be forced or burdened in any way. When you do love, then think about it and how you are doing it. Think whether or not you are loving in the wrong way.

Now I wish to speak on another subject. The subject of decision making is a very important one in man's life, for everything is a decision. This is true not only of your deeds, of your obvious and material choices, but it also involves every emotional attitude which a decision holds. The majority of human beings are incapable of making clear cut and mature decisions. That is why their souls become sick and why they suffer. This is why a disorder is created in the soul. Then, this leads to confusion and to conflicts. For you who are on this path it might be beneficial to start to view your life -- particularly your conflicts -- from that point of view. Have you made a real decision? Or have you decided superficially? That is, by not weighing, by not facing what is involved. Then, as a result of having decided in this way, when things naturally do not turn out to your satisfaction, do you feel thwarted? Do you then revolt against yourself, against your surroundings, and against life in general?

As long as you are living in this sphere of matter, then every decision offers two and sometimes more alternatives. With some decisions and in some cases there are several wrong ways and one right way. Only mature and responsible searching will eventually show you what the right way is. However, in many instances it actually does not matter in what way you decide, provided the decision has been made wholeheartedly, awarely, responsibly, not shirking any issues or possible results. Even in the cases where one way would be right or better for you than the other alternatives, it is infinitely healthier for your soul, strange as this may appear at first, if you choose the wrong way but with the right attitude.

What is the right and mature attitude with which to decide? The answer is simply to know what you want, to know what is the price involved, to realize that you cannot fully have what you want on this earth sphere because there is always a price or a disadvantage with every alternative, and to be wholly willing to pay the price even before it becomes a certainty that the possible advantage may turn out to be true. On the other hand, let us assume you choose the right alternative by accident. (When I say "by accident," I mean that you have chosen as most people do -- immaturely, with half closed eyes, not accepting beforehand the disadvantageous side.) In this way, you harm your soul a great deal more than by shouldering a needlessly more difficult alternative that you have chosen because for the moment it seems better for you for one reason or another. By doing it with the right attitude, then you responsibly accept the price to be paid. So beware of making your decisions half-heartedly, like a child, going into it with your eyes closed, wishfully thinking that the price can be evaded. As long as you live in the world of matter, with each alternative on one side lies an advantage and on the other side a disadvantage.

In high spiritual spheres and realms, this negative side does not exist anymore. On the other hand, in the lower spheres of darkness no alternative carries with it an advantage, so to say. In your sphere there is always both an advantage and a disadvantage, as long as you have not raised your spiritual development to a point when -- even while still living in a body in the world of matter -- you have worked yourself up to these higher spheres where no disadvantage can possibly befall upon you. But in order to reach such a point, you have to go through the laws governing this lower sphere that is rightly yours for the moment. You have to fully accept these laws and you have to keep them willingly. In other words, not by being forced to do so by life. Only then will you reach that point, and not by trying to avoid the laws of your world, no matter what spiritual acrobatics you may try. By the same token, a human being bound to the world of darkness will have the same conditions governing this latter world on this earth sphere -- in the subject under discussion, as well as in many others. This ties in with the first words of this lecture. To love God means, among many other things, to abide by these various laws. Not only to abide by them, but also to accept them willingly. One of these laws is that the disadvantageous side of each alternative or decision has to be faced and accepted. Therefore, to make a mature decision means to deliberate on each alternative thoroughly. It means to face not only the advantageous sides of all alternatives in making your choice, but also the disadvantageous equally. When you have done that -- knowing that there is a price to be paid for whatever you choose -- then you can ask yourself which price you prefer to pay. Think it over to see if perhaps you do not prefer to risk a higher price on one side because the possible advantage seems worthwhile in comparison with the price. Then you will have accepted another one of this earth life's rules: that the uncertainty also has to be accepted. This includes the risk, the lackings of life, and the knowledge that life offers you no risk-proof plan. This, too, is important for your emotional health, my friends. In that way you can act as a mature being and your soul must benefit from it.

No one who makes a decision in this way will ever come to grief because of it. Nor will he ever have conflicts from the lack of making decisions in that way. The conflicts are not created because of the possible wrong decision or the less advantageous one, but they are created because you go into it blindly, not weighing everything, and not being ready to shoulder the price. This happens with each one of you, both here and elsewhere. Some people have learned, to some degree at least, to decide properly in the more superficial realms of life. However, I do not see anyone who has made or who is making his emotional decisions in this way. Here I am giving you strong material with which to work on your path. Think about all your conflicts and all your problems. Where they exist, then it means that somehow -- in one way or another -- you have not made your decisions properly. But do not remain on the surface level. You will have to dig deeper into your emotions in order to find the answer. Within your emotions, sooner or later, you must find -- provided you search honestly -- that you have not made a whole decision. You had hoped to gain the advantage without paying the disadvantage. And often you even hope -- again without thinking it out in clearcut words -- to gain the advantage of each alternative and to be spared the disadvantage of each side. This amounts to a cheating of life. The result must inevitably be that life will teach you a lesson. Therefore, you will reap the disadvantages, standing either on both or on all the sides that you had wished to avoid. If you test this emotional and, for the most part, unconscious current, then what does this amount to? It amounts to greed.

On this earth sphere most people are greedy, not necessarily materially speaking but emotionally. And when I say "greedy," I mean that you want to amass advantages without shouldering the responsibility of paying the price for them. That is a violation of one spiritual law. Think about these words I have spoken here, my friends. This has not been a long lecture, composed of many words, but what I have said will add to the material you need for your progress, provided you assimilate it properly and provided you work with it in a very personal way. Thus we will have more time for your questions, for which I am now ready.

QUESTION: What about the ambivalence of over-ambition and lack of ambition in life? In other words, where does it come from, apart from laziness, if, for instance, there is a pronounced talent, or, let us say, a glandular disturbance?

ANSWER: A glandular disturbance is only an effect. Now let us discuss first a lack of ambition. As I promised you, I will analyze these faults and I will lead you back to the original good quality. I will do it here with both extremes -- the lack of it and the opposite extreme. Then I will show you the harm it does, what is connected with it, and what it means in the light of spiritual law.

The good quality that was once the underlying factor of a lack of ambition was benevolence, harmony, a certain type of tolerance, a certain type of humility. This means that such a person does not have to stand out and shine and be either better or higher than others. For it does not add to peace if one strives too hard to triumph over others. I want it well understood that if a human being has this shortcoming, lack of ambition, then this fault can tempt a person reading these words to hold on to the positive side of this trait, forgetting the wrong extreme, with its harmfulness. However, you should remember that your fault has a positive side or background, so to say. Build on that, so as to give you strength in your work to overcome this fault, so as to prevent you from feeling guilty. For no fault has been added on to you: all faults are but distortions and extremes of a quality that at one time was good. Furthermore, remember that it is possible to have a fault in one respect, but in another respect you do not have it at all. It is often the case that you are aware of a particular trend in its positive side only, while you ignore its existence in the negative side. But your surroundings often know. When they voice this, then you feel unjustly accused because only the conscious positive side stands out for you. The human being is ambivalent. That means that there are many contradictory currents in you.

The harm of a lack of ambition is a very grave one. It is self-evident that it is neither desirable nor necessary to have ambition in all aspects of life, for this would mean a waste of strength. But when ambitiousness is cultivated, then it should be kept in mind that one must choose properly for what purpose one trains oneself in this direction. It should be something that is worthwhile. The subject discussed in this lecture, concerning the proper decisions, will shed light on this, too.

Ambition is often the price you have to pay for getting what you desire. If you give in to your lack of ambition and then seem to be left wanting in one or more ways in life, you should realize that you were not ready to pay a price that could perhaps be paid only by efforts that needed ambition. Spiritually, a lack of ambition is a very grave hindrance. This sluggishnes will prevent you from accomplishing your development, which alone can bring you true happiness and real security. If you lack this happiness and you are the possessor of this trait, then you should not bear a grudge because of your unfulfilled needs, but you should clearly realize your decision in this case. On one side, to give in to the immediate comforts is choosing the line of least resistance. The disadvantage is that your conflicts, your hungers, your needs, and your insecurities will persist as long as you do not fight against the temptation of taking the line of least resistance. In other words, against your lack of ambition. On the other side, the price is the hard work of overcoming a very deep-rooted laziness, which means constant fight and constant trying. The gain is that you come out of the web of darkness, of loneliness, and of unhappiness, but not until after you have shown ample proof that you have really and wholehartedly fought and succeeded in some measure. Make your choice, for even taking the negative choice would be healthier in some way than not seeing the issue clearly and hoping to somehow relinquish a tiny bit of your weakness, while expecting results that you would only be entitled to if you were to take yourself in hand completely. If you somehow -- emotionally and subconsciously -- hope to attain spiritual development, and thus peace of mind, without making serious efforts to overcome this basic hindrance, then this amounts to spiritual theft. It means that you want to gain the harmony that can only be reached by paying the price, namely hard spiritual work. The necessary spiritual work involves the overcoming of your greatest faults. To understand this fault from this point of view will make it easier for you to overcome. Meditate on this from this angle. Though you may be doing it "against your grain," somehow your necessary stage has not been reached yet. You have not truly overcome this fault as long as you only do the work in deeds, but still have to force yourself to do so. This simply means that your emotions still resist, that you are still not one with yourself. Simply recognize this fact and go on working if you have decided to do so. One day God's grace and God's help will affect you so that what was once an effort will cease to be one. Then this will be a sign to you that your emotions have followed -- and therefore are aligned with -- your outer good will. It means that in this respect you have become one with yourself. Incidentally, I am not speaking personally to anyone in partcular now. As in all questions answered, my words are addressed to many.

My friends, meditate upon this weakness from this angle: "If I have no ambition, if it is so difficult for me that whatever I do goes against my grain and if I must force myself to do it; if I cannot do it with enthusiasm and real will power; and if I still desire that which would be rightfully mine if I were not to feel that way, then that means that my emotions want to steal something. All this means that I desire to steal the happiness -- or any other result -- I desire." Please realize that when I say that the emotions want to steal something I mean that you do not want to do so consciously. That is where the misunderstandings arise. I often speak of knowing the desires of the emotions by translating them into concise language, for otherwise they could not be interpreted for your intellectual understanding. These emotions are often unconscious. And then you take that as an injustice because consciously you do not think that way. You overlook the fact that there is often a great chasm between what you consciously think -- and even truly desire -- and what is in your subconscious. In this way you undermine that good and true desire by a contrary emotional current. But you are not aware of that so far. It will be very important for you to become aware of it. That is why I occasionally point out this discrepancy. Be careful to understand this so as to avoid unnecessary hurt feelings. In learning to become aware of these currents, you first must get to understand and then to interpret the symptoms which this unconscious current always sends forth. Then you will see that the symptoms are all around you. They are quite on the surface. Until now you have chosen to overlook them. This is only an aside.

Returning to your question. Meditate upon this from the point of view shown here. Realize that you must put effort into anything when you want to reap the fruits, which, of course, you do. You should not muster this effort because you are being told to do so; because you want to be a "good child," still doing it against your will. You must reach the state when you do it independently, responsibly, and maturely -- because you realize that everything has a price. To fight within against this fact is not only a disregard to God's wisdom and justice, but it is also foolish.

As far as the opposite extreme is concerned, over-ambitiousness, the original good quality is a strong will power, a readiness to pay the price in effort, a desire to work (to serve others in the higher realms; in the lower realms the goal becomes the self). Use these positive aspects to cleanse this current of its exaggerated, distorted, and negative facets. They are are: a certain type of selfishness, a power drive, self-righteousness, and greed in a certain way (to have more, to be more). Often people with over-ambition have such a strong desire current that they become ruthless in gaining their goal at the expense of others. Again I say, it is not necessary that your acts be that way, but it is sufficient that you are that way in your emotions. You should understand that over-ambition creates a desire current that is unhealthy -- that is, one that runs in a wrong way -- and which therefore robs you of your peace. Desirelessness has to be achieved in a certain measure. It is not to be done completely, because then it would be the opposite extreme of no ambition, and therefore there would be no balance. It always has to be determined, particularly for the spiritual person: for what purpose should he have ambition and where? On the other hand, the ambition should cease and the desirelessness should set in.

QUESTION: I wanted to know what the fault is when you have feelings of rejection, culminating into feelings of resentment?

ANSWER: In the first place, there is a vanity not being gratified. There is a lack of humility, whereby the unconscious emotions claim that the personality must not be rejected, that this must not happen to it. In this way, you want to be accepted either by all or by the person you have chosen. And you cannot bear that this desire of yours not be granted. (Again, I emphasize that I am not speaking personally, since this same feeling exists in so many people.) In other words, there exists selfwill: that is, your will has to be gratified, or else you become resentful. In order to overcome these feelings, this current should be examined separately at first. Bring out the emotion that says, "my will be done." Then, when this is conscious, the proper procedure would be to say to yourself: "But my will must not be always gratified. I have to accept standing back, if need be." Try to become humble where you are lacking this humility. Do not try to learn humility -- or whatever else -- where there is no lack within you. This would give you a false reassurance and might make you overlook where this concentration and work are necessary.

Then recognize the pride in combination with the selfwill. Treat it similarly. If you can conquer both your selfwill and your pride in this particular connection, then your fear will be eliminated. For as long as you hold on to these currents, as long as you cannot give up what your little ego may desire (even if this is coated with higher motivations or in connection with them, for they may also exist, aside from the currents we are now discussing), you must be in constant fear that this desire will not be gratified. As soon as you have given it up, then your fear will vanish, and with it your resentment. By "giving it up" I do not necessarily mean a person with whom there is a real bond or a task to fulfill. I just mean to give up the desire current. When there is resentment, then it comes from a germ of hatred. Hatred may not manifest itself as such anymore, but as long as resentment exists, the root of hatred is still in the soul. It is not necessarily hatred against a particular person, but hatred nonetheless.

There is inevitably a power drive in a person who resents because of rejection or possible rejection. The emotions say: "If you do not do what I want -- which in this case is to be liked and accepted -- then I resent you for it." You could not resent if this power drive did not exist, however subdued it may be. Recognize that. The moment you recognize this, then you will be able to redirect this emotional current gradually by growth, which is the only right way. These things cannot change suddenly. The more you do so, the more you will see, you will feel, and you will know the truth that so far is merely a nice theory for you but which as yet has no reality in your heart; namely, that you are never rejected because of your lackings -- whatever they may be -- except in a rare case when a human being becomes spiteful and unpleasant because of his insecurities. Even then such a person is not rejected for his true self, but merely for a badly chosen mask. All masks are bad, even the apparently pleasant ones. However, some people -- through pride and defiance -- choose an unfavorable one. Rejection is given only because of the rejector's own fear of life, fear of disappointment, fear of inferiority, fear of insecurity, and any number of other symptoms of a sick soul that has not learned to apply spiritual law to the emotions. But this realization will dawn on you only after you have learned to give up and after you have conquered both your pride and your selfwill.

QUESTION: In the last lecture you talked about the feeling of shame that manifests itself in guilt feelings and so on. This often has an effect on others. What should our proper attitude be in a case like this toward such a person?

ANSWER: It is already of tremendous help to realize that a person to whom you are close has that shortcoming. This realization will give you an understanding and a compassion that, even if you do not mention a word of it, must help. This realization will prevent you from being hurt unnecessarily, for people who are in any deviation of spiritual law -- and therefore are suffering -- often hurt others as a supposed means of protection. Thus the other person hurts back and a vicious cycle is set in motion. But when you do understand, then this cannot happen. Furthermore, there is this undeniable fact that the subconscious affects the subconscious of the other person. In a case like this, a subconscious shame and a subconscious guilt feeling is subconsciously absorbed by the surroundings. Because all this is going on subconsciously -- and is therefore not properly understood emotionally -- something sick and negative is felt, a very negative and unfavorable reaction comes forth, contrary to the desire of the person having theis shame and this guilt feeling. Besides, there is nothing so contagious as emotions, as thoughts, and as attitudes, either conscious or unconscious. This, too, is a universal law. So, the moment a sick current is recognized by another person and fully understood, a vicious circle is already broken by the mere fact of understanding. The full understanding of the facts explained here will help even more and will add a more constructive force of truth into the psychological and emotional world. As for outer action, there the procedure varies. Of course, caution is necessary. It is often better to say too little than too much to a person not mature enough to understand or to one who lacks the willingness to do so. But if the person is open and has the understanding to grasp these things, then one may feel one's way about to reach such a person. If you pray for guidance and for inspiration -- and if you keep yourself open -- then the right moment will come when there is receptivity. But if this receptivity is lacking and you come out with the truth too bluntly before the other person has prepared the way to be able to face such truth, then the effect would be a bad one and he or she would only close the door to the soul even more tightly. A safe way would be to first have a general discussion on that subject, staying away from the personal, and to see how this is received. See whether the person becomes thoughtful and whether he or she has an understanding of it in the first place. So, if you see that there is a favorable response, then slowly, little by little, you can give stronger doses of truth, always asking for inspiration and for guidance. If you do all that, then your spiritual friends -- who are always around you -- will be eager to help you.