The Forces Of Love, Eros And Sex

By The Pathwork Guide

Greetings in the Name of the Lord. I bring you blessings, my very dearest friends. Blessed is this lecture. I should like to discuss three particular forces in the universe. They are: the love force, as it manifests between the sexes; the erotic force; and the sex force. These are three distinctly different principles or forces that manifest on each plane in a different way, from the highest to the lowest. Humanity has always confused these three principles. In fact, it is often ignored that these three separate forces exist and what their differences are. There is so much confusion about this among human beings that it should be most useful for you to read how it is in reality.

The sex force is the creative force on any level of existence. In the highest spheres the same sex force creates spiritual life, spiritual ideas, spiritual concepts, and spiritual principles. But on the lower planes the unspiritualized sex force creates life as it manifests on that particular sphere: it creates the outer shell or vehicle of the entity destined to live in that sphere.

The erotic force is one of the most potent forces in existence, and has tremendous momentum and impact. It is supposed to serve as the bridge between sex and love, yet it rarely does. In a spiritually highly developed person, the erotic force carries the entity from the erotic experience, which in itself is of short duration, into the permanent state of love. Even the strong momentum of the erotic force alone carries the soul just so far and no further. It is bound to dissolve if the personality does not know how to learn to love: if he or she does not cultivate all the qualities and requirements necessary for true love. Once he or she does, then the spark of the erotic force will remain alive. By itself, without love, it burns itself out. And this is the trouble with marriage. Since most people are incapable of pure love, they are also incapable of ideal marriage.

Eros in many ways seems similar to love. It brings forth in a human being impulses that he otherwise would not have: impulses of unselfishness and affection that he might have been incapable of before. This is why eros is so often confused with love. But it is just as often confused with the sex instinct which, like eros, also manifests as a great urge.

Now I would like to show you what the spiritual meaning and the divine purpose of the erotic force is, particularly as far as humanity is concerned. Without eros then many people would never experience the great feeling and the beauty that are contained in real love. They would never get the taste of it, and therefore their yearning for love would remain deeply submerged in their souls. In other words, their fear of love would constantly remain the stronger urge.

Eros is the nearest thing to love that the undeveloped spirit can experience. It lifts the soul out of its sluggishness, out of its contentment, and out of its vegetation. It causes the soul to surge, to go out of itself. When this force comes upon even the most undeveloped person, then he will become able to surpass himself. Even a delinquent will temporarily feel, at least toward that one person, a goodness that he has never known. The utterly selfish person will, while this feeling lasts, have unselfish impulses. The lazy person will get out of his inertia. The routine-bound person will, naturally and without great effort, get rid of his static habits. The erotic force will lift the person out of his separateness, be it only for a short time. This gives the soul a foretaste of unity and it teaches the fear-filled psyche the longing for it. This longing becomes more conscious because of the erotic experience. The more strongly one has experienced it, then the less contentment the soul will find in the pseudo-security of separateness. During the experience of eros an otherwise thoroughly self-centered person may even be able to make a sacrifice. Eros enables the personality to do many things that he is disinclined to do otherwise -- things that are closely linked with love. Therefore, it is easy to see why eros is so often confused with love.

Then how is eros different from love? Love is a permanent state in the soul. Love can exist only if the basis for it is prepared through development and through purification. Love does not come and go at random, but eros does. Eros hits with a sudden force, often taking the person unawares, and even finding him unwilling to go through the experience. Only if the soul is prepared to love, and has built the foundation for it, will eros be the bridge to the love that is manifest between a man and a woman.

Thus you can see how important the erotic force is. Without the erotic force hitting him and getting him out of the rut, then many human beings would never be lifted out of themselves, they would never see beyond themselves, they would never be ready for a more conscious search toward the breaking down of their own wall of separation. The erotic experience puts the seed into the soul and makes it long for unity. And unity is the aim in the Great Plan. As long as the soul is separate, then loneliness and unhappiness must be the result. The erotic experience enables the personality to long for union with at least one other being. In the heights of the spirit world union happens with all beings -- and thus with God. Therefore, on the earth sphere the erotic force is a propelling power, regardless of whether or not its real meaning is understood. This is so regardless of the fact that it is often misused and enjoyed (while it lasts) for its own sake, and not utilized to cultivate love in the soul. Then it peters out. Nevertheless, the effect will inevitably remain in the soul.

Eros comes suddenly to man in certain stages of his life, even to those who are afraid of the apparent risk of the adventure away from separateness. He who is afraid of his emotions -- and therefore who is afraid of life as such -- will often do anything in his power (subconsciously and ignorantly) to avoid the great experience of unity. Although this fear exists in many human beings, nevertheless there are very few who do not have some small opening in the soul where eros can touch them, even though inadvertently. For the fear-ridden soul that resists the experience this is good medicine, regardless of the fact that sorrow and loss may follow due to other psychological factors, too varied to enumerate here.

However, there are also those who are over-emotional and, although they may know other fears of life, they are not afraid of this particular experience. In fact, the beauty of it is a great temptation to them, and therefore they hunt greedily for it. They look for one subject after another. They are unwilling to learn pure love; they simply use the erotic force for their pleasure, and when worn out, then they hunt elsewhere. This is abuse, and therefore cannot remain without ill effect. This type of personality will have to make up for the abuse, ignorant as it may have been; just as the over-fearful coward will have to make up for trying to cheat life by hiding from it, and thus witholding from the soul a medicine that is valuable if used properly. As I said, somewhere in the soul there is a vulnerable spot for most people in this category through which eros can enter.

There are also a few who have built such a tight wall of fear and pride around their soul that they avoid this part of the life experience entirely, and thereby cheat their own development. This fear might exist because in a former life unhappiness might have resulted out of this life experience, or perhaps because the soul has greedily abused the beauty of it without building it into love. In both cases the personality may have chosen to be more careful. If this decision is too rigid, then the opposite extreme results. In the next incarnation circumstances will be chosen in such a way that a balance will set in until the soul reaches a harmonious state wherein no more extremes exist. This applies to all aspects of the personality, as it does to this particular subject.

In order to approach this harmony, to some extent at least, then the proper balance between reason, emotion, and will has to be achieved in the personality.

The erotic experience often mingles with the sexual urge, but it does not always have to be that way. These three forces -- love, eros, and sex -- often appear completely separate, while sometimes two mingle. Let us say eros and sex. Or eros and love, as much as the soul is capable of. Or sex and a semblance of love, again as far as the capacity reaches. Only in the ideal case do all three forces mingle harmoniously.

The pure sex force is utterly selfish. When sex exists without eros and without love, then it is referred to as animalistic. Pure sex exists in all living creatures: animals, plants, and minerals. Eros begins with the stage of development where the soul is incarnated as a human being. And pure love is to be found in the higher spiritual realms. This does not mean that the former two no longer exist in beings of higher development, but rather that all three blend harmoniously, are refined, and become less and less selfish. Nor does this mean that a human being cannot try for this harmonious blend of all three forces.

In rare cases eros alone, without sex and love, exists, for a limited time at least. This is usually referred to as platonic love. But, sooner or later, with the somewhat healthy person, eros and sex will mingle. The sex force, instead of being suppressed, is taken up, so to say, by the erotic force and both flow in one current. The more these three forces remain separate, the more unhealthy the personality is.

Another possibility, particularly in relationships of long standing, is the combination of a certain kind of love (it cannot be perfect unless all three forces blend together, but let us say the nearest to it) and sex, but without eros. There is a certain amount of affection, of companionship, of fondness, of mutual respect, and a sex relationship that is crudely sex, but without the erotic spark that has evaporated some time ago. When eros is missing, then the sex relationship must eventually suffer. This is the problem with most marriages. And there is hardly a human being who is not puzzled by this question of what to do to maintain that spark in a relationship that seems to evaporate as habit and knowledge of one another set in. You may not have thought of these three distinct forces in exactly the terms I am using, yet you know and sense that something goes out of a marriage, something that had been present at the beginning. It is this certain spark that is actually eros. You find yourself in a vicious circle, and thus you think that marriage is a hopeless proposition. No, my friends, it is not, even if you cannot as yet attain the ideal stage.

Now let me tell you about the ideal partnership of love between two people. I have already said that all three forces have to be represented. With love you do not seem to have much difficulty, for in most cases one would not marry if there did not exist at least the willingness to love. I will not discuss at this point the extreme cases where this is not so. I am discussing the case where the choice is a mature one and yet one cannot get over the pitfall of time and habit because elusive eros has disappeared.

With sex it is the same. The sex force is present in most healthy human beings and may only begin to fade (particularly in women) when eros has left. Then men may seek eros elsewhere. For the sexual relationship must eventually suffer when eros is not maintained. And how can you keep eros? That is the big question, my dear ones. Eros can be maintained only if it is used as a bridge to true partnership in love in the highest sense.

Now we will discuss how this is done.

Let us first see the main element in the erotic force. When you analyze it, then you will find that it is the adventure, the search for the knowledge of the other soul. This desire lives in every created spirit. This inherent life force must finally bring the entity out of its separation. Eros strengthens the curiosity to find the other being. As long as there is something new to find in the other soul and as long as you reveal yourself, then eros will live. The moment you believe that you have found all there is to find and that you have revealed all that there is to reveal -- or all that you are willing to reveal -- then eros will leave. It is as simple as that with eros. But where your great error comes in is that you believe that there is a limit to the revealing of any soul, either yours or another. When a certain point of revealing is reached, usually quite superficial, then one is under the impression that this is all there is, and therefore one settles down to a placid life without further searching.

Eros has carried you this far with its strong impact. But after this point is reached, then your further will to search the unlimited depths of the other person and to voluntarily reveal and share of your own inward search determines whether you have used eros as a bridge to love. This, in turn, is always determined by your will to learn how to love. Only in this way will you continue to find the other, and to let yourself be found. There is no limit, for the soul is endless and eternal. Therefore, a whole lifetime would not suffice to know it. There can never be a point, at any time, when you know the other soul entirely, nor when you are known entirely. The soul is alive, and nothing that is alive remains static. It changes constantly. Apart from change, it has the possibility to reveal forever deeper layers that already exist. The soul is in constant change and in constant movement, as is anything spiritual by its very nature. Spirit means life and life means change. Since the soul is spirit, then the soul can never be known entirely. If man had wisdom, then he would realize that, and he would make of marriage the marvelous journey of adventure it is supposed to be, forever finding new vistas, instead of merely being carried only as far as the first momentum of eros carries you. You should use this potent momentum of eros as the initial thrust it is and then find through it the urge to go further on your own steam. Then you will have brought eros into true love in marriage.

Marriage is meant by God for human beings, and the divine purpose is not merely procreation. This is only one detail. The spiritual idea of marriage is to enable the soul to reveal itself and to be constantly on the search for the other: to discover forever and ever new vistas of the other being. The more this happens, then the happier is the marriage, the more firmly and the more safely it is rooted, the lesser is the danger of an unhappy ending, and the more does it fulfill its supposed spirituality.

In practice, however, it hardly ever works that way. You reach a certain state of familiarity and habit and then you conclude that you know the other person, and it does not even occur to you that the other person does not know you at all. He or she may know certain facets of you, but that is all. This search for the other being, as well as one's self-revelation, requires a certain amount of inner activity and of alertness. But since man is often tempted into inner inactivity, then outer activity may become stronger as over-compensation. Then he is tempted into a state of restfulness, under the illusion that he already knows the other fully. And this is the pitfall. At worst, it is the beginning of the end. At best, it is a compromise with a gnawing, unfulfilled longing. At this point the relationship begins to become stale. It is no longer alive, even though it may have some very pleasant facets. Habit is the great temptress toward sluggishness and toward inertia. It is a state in which one does not have to try anymore, in which one does not have to work any longer, in which one does not have to be alert anymore.

Two people may arrange an apparently satisfactory relationship and as the years go on, then two possibilities occur: 1) Either one or both may become openly dissatisfied. The need of the soul is to surge ahead, to find and to be found so as to remove separateness, regardless of how strongly the other side of the personality fears it and is tempted by inertia. This dissatisfaction is either conscious (although in most instances one is unaware of the real reason for it) or unconscious; the dissatisfation is stronger than the temptation of the comfort of inertia and of sluggishness. Then the marriage will be disrupted. Then either one or both partners will delude themselves into thinking that it will be different with a new partner, particularly after eros has struck again. As long as this principle is not understood, then a person may go from one partnership to another, sustaining his feelings only as long as eros works by himself. 2) Or the temptation of peace is stronger. Then both partners remain together, and they may certainly fulfill something together, but a great unfulfilled need will always lurk in the soul. Since the man is by nature the more active and adventurous, then he is, as you say, polygamous and therefore tempted much more to infidelity than the woman. Thus you will also understand why the man is polygamous and what is the underlying motive for man's inclination to be unfaithful. The woman tends much more to be sluggish and is therefore better prepared to compromise. This is why she is monogamous (there are, of course, exceptions to both sexes). Such infidelity is often equally puzzling to both partners, to the active one as much as to the victim. They do not understand. The unfaithful one may suffer just as much as the one towards whom he or she is unfaithful. In the other possibility, the one of compromise, both stagnate, at least in one very important aspect of their soul development. They find refuge in the steady comfort of their relationship. They may even believe that they are happy in it, and this may be true to some degree. The advantages of friendship, of companionship, of mutual respect, and of a pleasant life together, with a pleasantly established routine, outweigh the unrest of the soul, and they may have enough discipline to remain faithful to one another. Yet an important element of their relationship is missing: the element of revealing soul to soul as much as possible.

Only when two people do so can they purify together, and thus help each other, even without actually doing the work that this Path shows you. What I mean is that it could be thinkable that two developed souls who have this knowledge of purification in their subconscious, though ignoring the various steps of these teachings, can nevertheless fulfill one another by revealing themselves and by searching the depths of the other's soul. Thus, what is in the soul comes out into their conscious minds. By doing so, purification takes place. And, simultaneously, the life spark is maintained in the relationship so that it can never stagnate into a dead end.

For you who are on this Path, it will be much easier to avoid the pitfalls and the dangers of a marital relationship and to repair damage that has occurred unwittingly. And should you find yourself alone, then you can, by this knowledge and with this truth, repair the damage that you have done to your soul by all the wrong concepts that slumber in you. You may discover your fear of the great adventurous journey with another, which will be the explanation of why you are alone. This understanding will make it easier for you. It may even enable your emotions to change sufficiently so that your outer life may change, too. This depends on you. He who is unwilling to take the risk of this great adventure upon himself cannot succeed in the greatest adventure that humanity knows -- marriage.

In this way you not only maintain eros, this vibrating life force, but you also transform it into true love. Only with this true partnership of love combined with eros can you discover in your partner new levels of being that heretofore you have not reached. And you yourself will purify yourself by putting away your pride and revealing yourself as you really are. In this way, your relationship will always be new, regardless of how well you think you know each other already. All masks must fall, not only the superficial ones, but the real ones, those that you may not even be aware of in yourself. Then your love will remain alive. It will never be static, it will never stagnate. You will never have to search elsewhere. There is so much to see and to discover in this land of the other soul that you have chosen and whom you continue to respect, but in whom you seem to miss the life spark that once brought you together. You will never have to be afraid of losing the love of your beloved. This fear will have justification only if you refrain from risking the journey together.

This is marriage in its true sense and the only way it could be the glory it is supposed to be. Each one of you should think deeply if you are afraid to leave the four walls of your own separateness. Some of my friends are unaware that this is almost a conscious wish. With many of you it is this way: you desire marriage because one part of you yearns for it and also because you do not want to be alone. Quite superficial and valid reasons may be added for the deep yearning within your soul. But aside from this yearning and aside from the superficial selfish reason of your unfulfilled desire for a partnership, there must also be an unwillingness to really share your life in its deepest sense, an unwillingness to risk the journey and the adventure of revealing yourself. An integral part of the life experience remains to be fulfilled by you, if not in this life then in a future one. Only when you meet the other being in such readiness will you be able to bestow the greatest gift on your beloved, namely yourself, your true self, your real self. And then you must inevitably receive the same gift from your beloved. But to do that, a certain emotional and spiritual maturity has to exist. If this maturity is present, then you will intuitively choose the right partner who has, in essence, the same maturity and the same readiness to embark on this journey. The choice of partners who are unwilling to do so comes out of the hidden fear of undertaking it yourself. You magnetically draw towards you people and situations that correspond to your subconscious desires and fears.

Humanity as a whole is very far from this ideal. But that does not change either the idea or the ideal. In the meantime, you have to learn to make the best of it. And you who are fortunate enough to be on this Path can learn much, regardless of where you stand, be it only in understanding why you cannot realize the happiness that a part of your soul yearns for. To discover that is already a great deal and it will enable you to get nearer to its realization, either in this life or in future ones. Whatever the situation -- whether you have a partner or whether you are alone -- search your heart and it will furnish you the answer to your conflict. The answer must come from within yourself. In all probability it will be in connection with your own unwillingness, with your own fear, and with your own ignorance of these facts. Search and you will know. Understand what God's purpose is in the partnership of love: the complete mutual revelation of one soul to another. But not a superficial revelation. Physical revelation is easy for many, and emotionally you reveal yourselves up to a certain degree -- usually as far as eros carries you. But then you lock the door, and that is the moment when your trouble begins.

And then there are many who are not willing to reveal anything. They want to remain alone and aloof. They do not touch the experience of revealing themselves and of finding the soul of the other person. They avoid this in every way they can. Thus, you will now understand how important the erotic principle is in your sphere. For this helps many who may be unwilling and unprepared for the love experience. It is that which you call falling in love or romance. In this way the personality gets a taste of what the ideal love could be. As I said before, many use the feeling of happiness carelessly and greedily, never passing the threshold into true love. True love demands much more from a person in a spiritual sense. If they do not meet this demand, then they forfeit the goal for which the soul strives. This extreme is as wrong as the other extreme, wherein a person locks the door so tightly that even the potent force of eros cannot enter. But unless the door is too tightly bolted, then it does come to you at certain stages of life. Whether you can then bridge eros into love depends on you: on your development, on your willingness, on your courage, on your humility to reveal yourself.

Are there any questions in connection with this subject, my dear friends?

QUESTION: It is so difficult for a woman to talk to a man. Men don't answer when one tries to get into a conversation touching the emotional understanding. That makes it very difficult for the woman.

ANSWER: Here is a great error, my dear. But let us establish first one fact that should be well understood. The woman is by nature more emotionally inclined. The man by nature is more spiritually, or on a lower level, intellectually inclined. By that I do not mean that he has to be an intellectual. It is simply that usually the reasoning faculty is stronger in the man. The revealing of his emotions is a very difficult step for a man. In this the woman can help him. The man will help the woman in other ways. The mistake you make is in thinking that revelation and the meeting of souls is brought about by talking. Oh, it may be a temporary crutch, it may be one detail; or it may simply be a tool, a means of expressing certain facets. But this is all. It is not in the talking that you find the other soul or that you reveal yourself. As I have said, this may be a part of it. It is in the being that this whole basic attitude is determined. It is the woman who is the emotionally stronger one. For her it is usually easier to muster the courage to meet soul to soul and to touch the deepest core of longing that is also in the man. If she can use her intuition and reach that part of her partner, then he will respond, provided he has the maturity. He must respond. Whether this response comes occasionally through a conversation or not is not important. It is not a question of whether a verbal discussion helps in reaching the other soul. Certainly, speaking is also a part of it, together with all the other faculties that are involved. But the ability to speak about things is not the determining factor. First the inner basis has to be established. Then you will be flexible enough to use all the faculties that God has given you. Finding and meeting the other soul goes into the state of inner being. The doing is only an incidental result, a mere detail which is part of the outer manifestation. Is that clear?

QUESTION: Yes, it is clear. And I think it is wonderful. In other words, it is the task of the woman to find the other soul.

ANSWER: It may often be that it is easier for the woman to take the first necessary steps after eros is no longer at work on his own momentum. But both must have the basic willingness to go on the journey together. As I stated before, the woman often finds it easier to reveal herself, to let the emotions come out. And the mature woman who is earnestly willing to undertake the adventure of true marriage will have the mature and healthy instinct to find the right partner. The same applies to the man, of course. Once this principle of the willingness exists in both, then either one may lead the way. It does not make any difference who starts. It may often be the woman, but at times it may also be the man. Regardless of whoever starts it, a time will come when the other will also lead, and therefore help the partner. In a relationship that is alive, healthy, and flexible it must alternate and change constantly. At any given time, whoever is the stronger -- the leader -- will help in the liberation of the other.

QUESTION: Is it possible for a soul to be so rich that he can reveal himself to more than one soul?

ANSWER: My dear friend, do you ask that facetiously? (No, I do not. I am asking whether polygamy is within the scheme of spiritual law.) No, it certainly is not. And when someone thinks that it may be within the scheme of spiritual development, then it is a subterfuge. The personality is looking for the right partner. Either he is too immature to have found the right partner, or the right partner is there and the polygamous person is simply carried by eros' momentum, never lifting this force up into the volitional love that demands overcoming and working in order to pass the threshold I mentioned before. In cases like this, then the adventurous personality is looking and looking, always finding another part of a being, always revealing himself only so far and no further. Or perhaps each time he reveals just another facet of his personality, but when it comes to the inner nucleus of the personality, then the door is shut. Eros departs and a new search is started. Each time, it is a disappointment that can be understood only when you understand these truths. The raw sexual instinct also enters into the longing for this great journey. Then sexual satisfaction also begins to suffer if the relationship is not kept on the level I show you here. It is, in fact, inevitably of short duration. It is not a question of richness to be able to reveal oneself to many. In such cases one either reveals the same wares all over again to new partners, or, as I said before, he displays different facets. The more partners you try to share yourself with, then the less do you give to each. That is inevitably so. It cannot be different.

QUESTION: Certain people believe that they can cut out sex and eros, that they can cut out the desire for a partner and live completely for love of humanity. Do you think it is possible that man or woman can swear off this part of life?

ANSWER: It is possible, but it is certainly not healthy nor honest. I might say that there is perhaps one person in ten million who may have such a task. That may be possible. It may be a particular karma or fate, either because that soul is already so far developed and has gone through the true partnership experience and comes for a specific mission, or because of certain karmic reasons that have to be paid off. But in most cases -- and here I can safely generalize -- such an attitude is unhealthy, it is an escape. The real reason for wanting to act in this way is fear of love, fear of the life experience, all of which is rationalized into sacrifice. To anyone who would come to me with such a problem I would say: "Examine yourself. Go below the surface layers of your conscious reasoning and explanations for your attitude in this respect. Try to find out whether you fear love and you fear disappointment. Isn't it more comfortable to live just for yourself, and thus have no difficulties? Isn't that what you feel deep inside -- an attitude which you want to cover up with other reasons? This great humanitarian work you want to do may be a worthy cause indeed, but do you really think that one excludes the other? Wouldn't it be much more likely that the great task you have taken upon yourself would be better fulfilled if you learned personal love too?" If all these questions are answered truthfully, then such a person would be bound to see that he is escaping. Personal love and personal fulfillment are man's and woman's destiny in most cases, for so much can be learned in it that cannot be attained in any other way. To build a durable and solid relationship in a marriage is the greatest victory that man can achieve, for it is one of the most difficult things there are, as you can well see in your world. This life experience will bring the soul closer to God than the lukewarm good deed.

QUESTION: I was going to ask, in connection to my previous question, on the case of celibacy, which is supposed to be a highly spiritualized form of development of certain religious sects. And on the other hand there is polygamy, which also is recognized in religion (the Mormons, for instance); I understand what you said. But how do you justify these attitudes on the part of people who are supposed to look for unity with God?

ANSWER: In every religion there exist human error. In one religion it may be one error, in other religions a different one. Here you simply have two extremes. When such dogmas or rules come into existence in the various religions, whether in one extreme or another, then it is always a rationalization and a subterfuge that the individual soul constantly resorts to. This is an attempt to explain away with good motives the counter-currents of the fearful soul or of the greedy soul. There is another thing I ought to mention regarding the common belief that anything pertaining to sex is sinful. The sex instinct arises in the infant. The more immature the creature, then the more is sex separated from love. And therefore the more selfish it is. Anything without love is "sinful," if you want to use this word. Nothing that is coupled with love is wrong -- or sinful. There is no such thing as a force, or a principle, or an idea that can be regarded as sinful as such -- not sex, not anything else. Thus, in the growing child, which naturally is immature, the sex drive will manifest selfishly at first. Only if and when the whole personality grows and matures harmoniously will sex become incorporated with love. But due to the fact that -- out of ignorance -- humanity has long believed that sex as such is sinful, then it was kept hidden, and therefore this part of the personality could not possibly grow up. Nothing that remains in hiding can grow. Therefore, even in many grown-ups sex remains childish and separate from love. And this, in turn, led mankind to believe more and more that sex is a sin, and therefore that the truly spiritual person must abstain from it. Thus one of those often mentioned vicious circles came into existence. Because of this belief, then the sex instinct could not grow and melt with the love force. Consequently, sex in fact is often selfish, and therefore loveless, raw, and animalistic. If people would realize -- and they are beginning to do so more and more -- that the sex instinct is as natural and as God-given as any other universal force, and in itself no more sinful than any other existing force, then they would break this vicious circle and therefore more human beings would let their sex drives mature and mingle with love -- and with eros, for that matter. How many people exist for whom sex is completely separate from love! When their sex urge manifests, then not only do they suffer from a bad conscience, but they also find themselves in the position of being unable to handle sexual feelings with the person they really love. This exists quite often in some measure, although it does seem extreme. Because of these conditions and this vicious circle, humanity came to believe that you cannot find God when you respond to your sex urges. This is all wrong. It cannot truly work out because you cannot kill off something that is alive. You can only hide it so that it will come out in other ways that may be much more harmful. Only in the rarest of cases does the sex force really become sublimated so as to make this creative force manifest in other realms. This sublimation in its real sense can never occur when there is fear and escape involved, as is the case with most human beings.

QUESTION: If two young people fall in love and marry and they are not mated and they do not understand each other, is it possible that these two people could go on this journey together and have a good marriage?

ANSWER: If both are willing to learn the love of one for the other and willing to gain maturity together. Even where an immature choice was made, then it could still become a successful marriage, but only if both are willing and if both are clearly aware of what marriage is supposed to be. If both lack the will and the sense of responsibility for that, then they will not have the desire to make such a journey together.

QUESTION: Where does friendship fit into this picture? Just friendship between two people?

ANSWER: Friendship is brotherly love. That friendship can also exist between man and woman is something else again. Eros may want to sneak in, so to say, but still the will and the reason can direct the way in which feelings will take their course. That is why in the well-balanced personality reason must play a role and it will help to direct the emotions, thus preventing the feelings from going into an improper channel. There, discretion and the balance between reason, emotion, and the will is necessary.

QUESTION: Is divorce against spiritual law?

ANSWER: Not necessarily. We do not have fixed rules such as that in the spirit world. There are cases when divorce is an easy way out, a mere escape. There are other cases where divorce is reasonable because the choice was made in immaturity and because both lack the desire to fulfill the responsibility of marriage in its true sense. If only one is willing -- or neither -- then divorce is better than staying together and making a farce out of marriage. Unless both are willing to take this journey together, then it is better to break clean rather than to let one prevent the growth of the other. That happens quite often. It is better to terminate a mistake than to remain in it indefinitely without finding an effective remedy. However, one should not go out of marriage lightly. Even though it was a mistake and does not work, one should try to find the reasons and do one's best first to search for and then to overcome the hurdles that are in the way due to one's inner mistakes. In other words, to try to make the best of a bad situation, provided both are willing. One can learn a lot from of one's past and present mistakes. It cannot be generalized to say that divorce is either wrong in any case, or that it is always right. One should certainly do one's best, even if the marriage is not the ideal experience that I discussed here. Few people are sufficiently mature, and therefore ready for it. You can make yourself ready by trying to make the best of your past mistakes and learn from them.

My dearest friends, think well about what I have said. There is much food for thought in what I told you. There is not a single friend who cannot learn something from it. I want to close this lecture with the assurance to all of you that we in the spirit world are deeply grateful to God for your good efforts and for your improvement. It is our greatest joy and our greatest happiness. And so, my dear ones, receive the blessings of the Lord once again. May your hearts be filled by this wonderful strength coming to you from the world of light and truth. Go in peace and in happiness, my dear ones, each one of you. Be in God.

January 1959