Man And Woman

By The Pathwork Guide

Greetings, my dearest friends. Blessings for each one of you.

The original spirit, as first created, was male and female in one. When the development of the fallen beings will be completed, then it shall be one again. As one of the byproducts of the fall, the original being separated and split. The lower the development, the more the original being is split -- into more parts, so to speak. In mankind development has reached a stage where the split is twofold: it manifests in the existence of the two sexes, man and woman.

The aim of development is to find the way back into the original unity or oneness. On the earth plane, one particular aspect of development is union between man and woman. The mating of the sexes has therefore a much deeper meaning than merely procreation. In the relationship between the sexes so much can be overcome and so much can be learned. Development can proceed better than in any other way in certain respects. Love, kindled by eros and the sex impulse, can flower more easily than in other relationships. And love is always the ultimate aim. But the relationship between the sexes also offers more hurdles and more frictions than any other relationship because personal emotions are more involved. Therefore, objectivity and detachment are lacking to a greater degree than in other human relationships.

Hence, on the one hand marriage is the most difficult of all relationships, and it is the most fruitful, the most important, and the most blissful of all relationships on the other hand.

When the human race came into existence, then certain misconceptions and mass images in connection with this subject came into existence as well. Superficially, there seems to be a great difference between man and woman. However, in reality the difference is not half as great as you think. For each man carries inside his soul the female side of his nature, and each woman carries the male side of hers inside her soul. It is as though they contained within themselves a facsimile, an imprint of their other halves, living somewhere in the universe. However, this imprint is not merely a picture reproduction, but it is living and real. It is part of the nature of each personality. This hidden part is somewhat like the other side of the coin. You must not imagine that the male part in the female and the female part in the male is exactly hidden, while the other half is open. Picture a disc which slides occasionally more to one side and then to the other, and then you will get nearer the truth.

The existence of the live imprint of the other half in each soul accounts for the constant longing and searching for union with the other sex. It accounts for companionship and for love with the other sex. It is also the origin of the sex drive as such.

This live imprint of the other half also accounts for supposedly male trends in the female and supposedly female trends in the male. The more flexible this disc is, then the more do these opposite trends manifest. The more rigid it is, then the less they manifest. However, this does not mean that they do not exist. The healthier a soul is, and therefore the less influenced by mass images in this respect, the more the opposite qualities will unfold in a healthy and constructive way, harmonizing rather than conflicting with the accepted typical trends of the sex in question.

One of the most stubbornly maintained mass images in this respect is what constitutes manliness and what constitutes womanliness. A man is supposed to be strong and a woman is supposed to be weak. A man is supposed to be intellectual and creative, a woman is supposed to be less intelligent, at best. She is supposed to be emotional and against the man. A man is not supposed to be intuitive and sensitive, while a woman is. A man is supposed to be active, while a woman is supposed to be passive. These concepts, and many more variations of them, have existed from the beginning of humanity to the present. There were times in certain cultures where the scale swung strongly to the opposite extreme -- as it happens today in some aspects. But all extremes come out of rebellion and misunderstanding and therefore must be equally unhealthy and false. They must also lead to the old alternative against which one has rebelled. It is only a question of time.

The truth is that all these supposedly male trends or supposedly female trends exist in each person. And they have a right to exist. They do not diminish your manhood or your womanhood, as is often believed. Quite on the contrary.

Broadly speaking, the effect of these mass images is twofold. In the first place, both men and women suppress their opposite trends, feeling guilty and inadequate about them. This is extremely harmful in many respects. Secondly, these mass images have resulted in a deliberate over-emphasis on the allowed trends, those fitting the sex in question. Therefore, for centuries the man has developed and nursed his physical prowess, his intellectual capacity, his active side. At the same time, he has deliberately suppressed and discouraged the unfoldment of his emotional and intuitive nature. With the woman it was the reverse. The effect of this condition was -- and still is -- a very unfortunate one for mankind as a whole, but especially for the individual personality, in whom is engendered a state of unbalance and disharmony, with the added burden of guilt and of inadequacy. Technical advancement and an over-emphasis on science and the intellect are the outcome of the man's world, with its neglect of soul qualities, to name but one important aspect. Wars, revolutions, and the mismanagement of the world's riches are the results of it. No outer measure, regardless of how clever, will remedy the world situation until and unless a balance of these forces is established in the individual soul. Not until it is recognized that both sides of the human personality have to be equally developed and understood will you find peace and some justice on this earth plane.

The woman, on the other hand, was long forced to suppress her intelligence and her creativity, intelligence and creativity that could be all the more constructive because they would then be permeated with her intuitive power, her emotional side, the soul qualities in her nature. Whenever she sensed these forbidden qualities, then she was quick to suppress them, not only feeling guilty, but also thereby guarding her own interests, or so she believed. The open acknowledgment of these traits would be at the price of the man's love. This went on for so long and in so many crass ways that she ultimately rebelled. This rebellion took the form of emancipation.

Nothing healthy and constructive can unfold -- at least not in the long run -- based on rebellion. Rebellion is revolution, and revolution is always opposed to evolution, which is real growth. Real growth, or evolution, is slow growth and unfoldment, based on profound understanding of the self and of the issue in question. Rebellion, or revolution, always hides an unrecognized anger at the self projected on the outside world. Hence, the change brought about by revolution or rebellion ignores something very vital about the self, and this ignorance prohibits healthy growth.

Emancipation -- apart from some healthy aspects where true growth was involved -- is based largely on rebellion. Where this is the case, then the result is not successful. Woman's equalization to man has often really diminished her womanhood so that the upholders of the mass images seem to be correct. But it only appears that way because the opposite extreme is never the solution. The opposite extreme is always a result of rebellion and revolution, and therefore ultimately leads back to the first wrong extreme.

However, the woman's inner message was to unfold her dormant qualities, which she had wrongly suppressed for centuries and centuries. Only, she did not understand the message properly. She followed through but, due to her misunderstood rebellion, the outcome was not entirely successful.

Something similar happened to the man. He, too, received an inner message. He did not follow it through as vigorously as the woman, for he had less reason to. His position was better suited to play into the universal rulership principle of the infant in the human personality. Yet, the cosmic current now sweeping the earth plane -- this cosmic wave which always tries to harmonize and to establish balance -- also touched him. He was swept into it, but half-heartedly -- and again without understanding what it was all about.

So it is quite true that both men and women are moving in the right direction, in the direction of harmonization and of unfolding the hidden and heretofore forbidden side in each. But mostly this aim is unclear, it is only vaguely felt, and even less understood. It often mingles with personal distortions. The good aim often serves to hide behind and to encourage erroneous motives. In the woman it often serves to encourage her aggression and her hostility; in the man, it often serves to encourage his weakness and his dependency. When healthy motives are muddled with unhealthy ones, and when one lacks recognition of this fact, then the outcome must always be a doubtful one. You know that from your personal work. It is no different in these universal questions.

Thus, the development of men and women has often turned out to be a bit freakish. Emancipation often resulted in actually making a woman less of a woman, instead of making her more so by unfolding her intelligence, her strength, and her creativity without the existence of rebellion. Rebellion and resentment cease automatically once the personal inner issue is completely understood.

With the man the process is somewhat as follows. For centuries he has developed one-sidedly: emphasizing his intellect, his resourcefulness, his physical strength, but thwarting his emotional and intuitive nature. Since that is an essential prerequisite for true inner strength, the man has weakened himself at the core. By denying in himself that which he erroneously had thought to be feminine, and therefore unmanly, he became less of a man instead of more of a man. You can observe this in many ways. It is often noted that women are emotionally stronger than men. There is some truth in that, for which I have now given you the explanation. There are also other manifestations, but we do not have to go into these details now.

The increasing occurrence of homosexuality in both sexes is another aspect of this wrong approach, the misunderstood message of the soul to unfold the being's total nature. In other words, to develop his or her other side.

It is always the same, whether it concerns this subject or any other: all the healthy and strong soul currents, all inner and outer conduct according to the universal, spiritual law of love, truth, and justice are known to man both in essence and in principle. The message of the spirit is always given to each individual in what direction he is to go. He often follows that direction, but he misunderstands the necessary procedure of first finding in him all that which deviates from the right principle. He vaguely feels his inner deviations and so he tries to superimpose the right way. But this cannot work. If it is attempted in such a way, then he will be driven by rebellion and by compulsion, no matter how right the conscious motivations may be. This will cause the development to go into a wrong channel so that the result will be a masquerade.

It is true that aggressive and hostile strength and activity in a woman will diminish her womanhood. But so does the suppression of her healthy strength, of her activity, and of her true creative powers serve to lessen her femininity. It is true that softness in a man -- when based on his immature need for dependency -- makes him weak, and therefore less of a man. But the same thing happens if these reactions are hidden under a superimposed parody of manhood. In another sense, this weakens him even more. The goal must be the slow unfoldment of these qualities, bringing them into harmony with the rest of the personality. If the man develops those qualities in him which are generally looked upon as being feminine, then he will become more of a man, provided this development takes place without encouraging sick patterns of weakness and dependency. And if the woman develops those qualities in her which are generally looked upon as being masculine, then she will become more of a woman, provided she does not use aggression, hostility, and rebellion as the male qualities she wants to further.

The difference between man and woman is not as great as you think, not even anatomically. It is as though you have the negative of a photograph and you compare it with the positive. What is black in one is white in the other, and vice versa.

To free yourself of these mass images and misconceptions, which are always based on your personal ones, is the only way to bring your whole nature into focus and into harmony. That alone will enable you to find unity on this earth to the fullest possible extent. This alone will enable you to have a successful relationship with the other sex and to make the marriage venture a successful and satisfying one.

So much help and so much counseling is being offered in your time on this subject. Most of this help and advice is rather superficial because the basic facts are either ignored or are not fully taken into consideration. The better you understand the spiritual meaning and the significance of marriage, the more do you have a chance to understand and thus to solve your own problems.

It is no wonder that marriage is such a difficult venture and often only half successful. For you cannot find union if each partner not only continues to develop one-sidedly, but encourages it in the other as well as in the self. Or if the side that should be brought out and developed harmoniously is used as a weapon behind which to hide. Whether it serves to cover either weakness and dependency or rebellion and aggression, the two cannot truly meet.

It is not true that the man is active by nature and the woman is passive by nature. Both are both. But both manifest different aspects of activity and different aspects of passivity. The woman's activity should enliven and vibrate her passivity in the true and good sense. Her activity will prevent her passivity from stagnating, from becoming stale. It will keep it flowing and fluid, in perpetual motion, as all truly spiritual qualities must be. With the man, his active currents should bring his passivity to the fore, thus preventing the active current from becoming aggressive, rounding it and mellowing it, taking the edges off it, thereby slowing down the abrupt and too quick motion of the over-active current. From an overall view, the same thing happens both in the man and in the woman, only in each case the opposite side is turned out, so to speak.

The same holds true of the other supposedly male and supposedly female aspects. I will touch upon this only briefly. It will suffice to give you some food for thought and I urge that you continue these deliberations by yourselves. Without the soul qualities of love, of kindness, and of intuition that open the road to understanding, then intelligence and reason are as nothing and they will not really bring a constructive result in any area whatsoever. On the other hand, love, kindness, and intuition unkindled by discrimination -- which is a result of reason and intelligence -- will be easily lost in wrong channels and will finally become destructive. In some ways it may even be self-destructive.

Much more could be said about the necessity of melting the supposed male qualities and the supposedly female qualities. One without the other will always result in an unhealthy exaggeration, in a stalemate, in something harmful. Only both together can make a harmonious whole in the individual entity.

Some of the things I have said are already quite evident and do not seem new. Other things I mentioned may be difficult to understand. But if you use your imagination when meditating upon it, then you will feel the truth -- and that is a lot. It is much more than the flat understanding of the intellect.

As humanity stands today in its overall development, the venture of marriage is a very difficult one. This is due in part to those conditions I have just discussed, and partly also to the individual's personal inner conflicts. But both factors together are responsible. It will take hundreds and hundreds of years before humanity will have reached the point when most marriages will be truly successful. Nevertheless this is all the more important reason for trying it now and making the best of it, and to learn from it -- for there is so much in marriage. It cannot and should not be forced. Conscious desire should not be enforced because of my words, when unconscious fears and blocks are still unrecognized, and therefore remain unsolved. This could not bring a happy solution. But in your self-development, wherever you stand, whatever your situation is in this respect, you can investigate your particular difficulties and try to keep in mind how these general misconceptions and mass images influence, sustain, and strengthen your personal images and wrong conclusions.

In connection with this subject, there exist many particular wrong conclusions which are also partly derived from mass images. These are firmly engraved in many an individual personality. To name but one now: that love is weakening and dangerous. With such an unconscious concept, marriage will be more adversely affected than any other human relationship.

I have touched upon this vast subject only in its broadest outlines. There are many aspects to be discussed in the future. Then you will see that all the details that we may consider later are contained in the points mentioned here. We will merely elaborate and connect. We will close the circle between the personal images and the mass images in this respect and all the related respects. This will also have to be done in the personal work. Let this be merely a rough sketch of the picture that we shall slowly complete together.

It would be particularly constructive to devote more time to discussions and questions, also with regard to this subject. Let us hope that my words help you to actively participate in such a mutual exhange.

QUESTION: Could you elaborate on what exactly is meant by union, just what does it entail?

ANSWER: The concept of union can be discussed on two levels, I mean as far as our subject here is concerned. I do not speak now of union with God. In the highest sense, union is the melting and the fusing together of two beings who were split. It is when two beings become one entity again. Union between a man and a woman on this earth sphere strives for the same end, and attempts it to some degree inwardly. In rare moments it can happen. But all the layers of ignorance and fear soon erect a separating wall again. The aim of development is to destroy these separating walls, whether they stand between man and God, between man and spiritual truth and reality, between man and his fellow creatures, or between man and woman. Love is the only key to eliminate this wall. With love, understanding is open. And with understanding, oneness or union can be achieved. But love cannot be forced. Love can be gained only by removing all the blocks and the errors in the human soul. Ego importance and self- preoccupation are directly opposed to love. But before the little ego can be removed, it has to be allowed to come to the surface and then it has to be recognized in all its facets. Only then can the true personality evolve, which then no longer needs what the little ego seems to need. Then love can truly unfold -- and thereby union.

This holds true for all human relationships. Marriage, the love between two people, makes the attainment of union easier than other relationships, such as friendship. It is easier because it is nourished by eros and by the sex impulse. Without these elements, the separation is more difficult to overcome; frictions cannot be mellowed as easily as with the existence of eros, which is, as you know from a previous lecture, a bridge to love. On the other hand, a more casual relationship has less of a chance to bring out frictions. So, in that sense it is easier to maintain. We might sum up by saying that marriage would be practically unfeasable for the human race if it had not the help of eros and of the sex drive. Therefore, the maintenance of these emotions toward the partner is a goal in itself. I discussed this subject at a previous occasion.

In the plainest and simplest terms, union is finding together on as many levels as possible. There is much more to it than merely understanding the other, being in tune with him or her. It is a blending in of two people's physical nature, mental nature, emotional nature, and spiritual nature. It can be done if both have the will and the understanding of this.

What holds true for all human relationships holds true even more in marriage. Each friction and each misunderstanding, no matter how flagrantly wrong one person may be, is an indication of something in the self being either distorted or ignorant. In the ideal marriage, this would always be kept in view and both partners would search for that element in themselves. They would then find that the other reacted, perhaps at times with undue vigor, to this one little part that is blurred, so to speak. The disharmonious part in the one reacts automatically to the disharmonious part in the other. The two disharmonious parts are not always of equal strength, but that does not matter. If this key to marriage could be found, then a real tuning in could be accomplished. It would further self-development and, because of it, it would remove more and more points of friction. The points of friction would become keys for tuning into one another. Thereby, true union is successfully attempted.

QUESTION: A few of us discussed why it is so difficult for men to communicate when there is an emotional problem between two partners. The women try to talk it over and the men evade it. Is that the shame of the emotional side?

ANSWER: Yes, that is one reason. It is certainly connected with that subject. The man shies away from emotions, he is afraid of them. This is due partly to the common misconception I mentioned before, namely that emotions are dangerous and that if one cannot avoid them, then one must somehow keep them a secret, at least when they bring negative results. Misunderstandings are negative results, therefore they are a reminder of this wrong conclusion. And partly due to these mass images, which claim that it is beneath a man's dignity to enter into an intellectual discussion with a woman, who is supposed to be his inferior. This might be done on a neutral topic, but when personal guilts and inadequacies enter into the picture, which is inevitable in disagreements or quarrels, then the man is afraid that he may not be able to cope with the woman and thereby jeopardize his masculinity. Since it is the woman's nature to dwell on emotional subjects, on anything personal, she is prepared, conditioned, and often better versed in this respect than the man. Thus, the man is afraid of losing. It appears to him that he not only loses the argument, but also a part of his masculine dignity. Because he has neglected to strengthen his emotional nature, he is afraid of and he feels guilty for the weakness that he senses in himself.

On the other hand, it may often be the case that the woman suppresses and hides aggression, hostility, and resentment for the man behind a reasonable discussion, the aim of which is supposed to be to straighten out disagreements. It is possible that the positive motive exists to a stronger degree than the negative one mentioned here, but it suffices to affect the corresponding subconscious layer of the man, which then makes him react negatively to something that was meant merely constructively, at least in the conscious mind of the woman.

QUESTION: But since this is almost a hindrance to union, could you perhaps help us as to how we should go about it?

ANSWER: Not by forcing it. The only way you can go about it is not by convincing the other. Development and the solution of problems can rarely happen that way, but only by searching for that in yourselves which attracts a negative response. On this Path, you have found some such incidents already, even though the obvious wrong was on the other side, even though you never thought it possible that anything could be amiss with yourself, even though your rationalizations were most convincing and true. The more often you succeed in that, the nearer you are to the solution of all your inner and outer problems. If you find your hidden emotions, then you will understand why other people respond negatively to something that you were convinced did not contain anything but the purest motives. What I said before about marriage in this respect holds true at all times and for all instances.

QUESTION: Am I to understand that a woman should show signs of weakness so as to make the man strong?

ANSWER: No, quite the contrary. When you re-read this lecture, then you will see that this was not implied at all. She should show her real strength, not being afraid of it. Then she will be able to use it constructively and not seek to hide it compulsively, or use it destructively by letting it out because of an inner rebellion which is not fully understood. Only in this way can she also help the man to unfold his real strength. If she were to make herself weak out of diplomacy or flattery, then it would be an enforced and therefore ungenuine reaction. Nothing compulsive and ungenuine could ever be truly beneficial, not really. It would only affect an unhealthy, superimposed, and equally ungenuine layer of the man in question.

QUESTION: But if a man doesn't communicate with a woman out of cowardice, what would be the corresponding feature to look for in the woman?

ANSWER: You cannot generalize that. It might be any one of many alternatives. You can never make a general statement of this sort. That could be misleading, and therefore dangerous. It can be found only by the individual work on this Path. It could perhaps correspond to an over-activity in the woman, a mischanneled activity that was not allowed to develop freely. It could also correspond to a different kind of cowardice, on another level, in the woman in question. It may be any one of a number of factors. It may be not only one factor, but a combination of many factors.

QUESTION: What is the reason that we have two kinds of hormones?

ANSWER: The male hormones and the female hormones are a physical aspect of this entire subject. In fact, both sexes have both hormones. A woman could not live without male hormones and a man could not live without female hormones. This physical manifestation is a proof of both aspects existing in both sexes. It is the outer symbol. It is only a question of the proper balance and of the right distribution.

I might add that the general impression existed for a long time that only the woman goes through certain cycles in life: the cycles of menstruation and the change of life. The man goes through similar cycles, only they do not manifest in the same way. When mankind will be more advanced along these lines, then it will be found that these cycles are also in the man, and by what principles they work. In order to find that, psychological progress has to keep in step with spiritual progress and with metaphysical progress. Then each man will be able to find his own cycle, which works individually, rather than by set rules, as it does in the woman. This will be a very useful recognition. The man's cycle changes according to the individual. It might be compared to the principle of an astrological chart, which has to be made for each individual separately. It is similar in principle with this question. The rhythm of the cycles holds great significance.

By the same token, it is not only the woman who gives birth. The woman gives birth physically, while the man can give birth in his soul, so to speak. The same laws covering physical birth hold true for spiritual birth, for the lack of a better expression. According to the health of his soul, the births taking place will be either healthy or abortive.

QUESTION: What is meant by this, that man gives spiritual birth?

ANSWER: In his real self or creative self, the man can give birth to beautiful and constructive ideas which can become useful and workable on all realms, not only in the physical world. Ideas and thoughts are alive. You have often heard this expression, but you take this as a figure of speech. In reality the process of the birth of an idea takes place according to the same principle as physical birth. Since the woman is also creative, she too can give spiritual birth -- and she does. It is only the female side in an entity's nature which is capable of giving birth. In the woman, the female side is mostly turned outwardly on the disc, so that physical birth manifests. However, this does not prevent her from also giving mental birth and spiritual birth at other times, when this facet may slide inwardly. (I realize it is hard to express and therefore my words may often appear over-simplified when it comes to such matters). The man, on the other hand, has the female -- birth-giving -- side of his nature turned inwardly at all times. It is almost impossible to find the right words to explain these things to you, but it may open new vistas for you to broaden your understanding and your perception, even though my words are limited at best.

My dearest ones, I retire with blessings, with love, with light, and with strength for each one of you who reads my words. Continue on your path and it will free you forever more. It will liberate you from your self-inflicted prison. Be in peace, be in God.

April 1, 1960