If you have a sufficient number of questions, then it would be good at this time to interrupt the sequence of lectures. You have received a great deal of material that you could not possibly have absorbed, even to a small degree, not even intellectually, let alone emotionally. True mental absorption often comes only much later, so that it would be impossible to wait for that. To overcrowd you at this time with a frequent succession of difficult material is not advisable. So, if you have some questions, then I shall answer them to the best of my ability.
QUESTION: I am confused in the belief that I am moralizing with myself regarding certain superstitions. On the one hand I know that these superstitions are damaging to me, while on the other I now know that moralizing is not good either.
ANSWER: In your work you have found why you wish to hold on to these superstitions. I do not have yo go into details now. The fact that you even ask this question now is interesting from the point of view of your discovery in this respect. You want to hear me say that you moralize so that you can go on holding on to a very damaging and useless defense mechanism (You know me very well).
QUESTION: In a previous lecture about emotional growth and its function, a question was asked as to how to handle very wild emotions at a time when one does not have the helper with him. But what does one do if the emotions are so deep-seated, so deeply buried, and repressed for such a long time that they simply will not come out to the degree one would like'?
ANSWER: If you can recognize this fact, then it is very important and it indicates substantial progress. Such a recognition in itself indicates insight. More frequently a person does not know that further emotions are buried and that they demand to come out, in spite of the resistance. The fact that you are aware of this means insight and progress. The moment this insight exists, then the way is opened, even if at the moment you are still unable to do something about it. In the first place, you should really rejoice about this self-recognition, rather than feel bad that you cannot accomplish it entirely in one sweep and thereby pressure yourself into a state of bad conscience. Relax in the knowledge of: "I know where I stand. I know that something in me still resists." Then you can go about finding out why you resist. Why are you afraid of letting out your emotions to the full extent? You will usually find that one of the reasons is a fear that you will be unable to control yourself, to handle these emotions, a fear that you are forced to give into them. Another reason for resisting is that the full scope of one's repressed emotions is a shock because they are so contrary to one's idealized self. The moment you can sense and acknowledge these factors, then you can handle the situation because now you know that these reasons are unreal, and therefore not valid. You have learned that you can be aware of your emotions without having to act on them. You also know that if a lack of control exists, then you certainly have less control when they are repressed, and therefore you are unaware of their existence, than with the clear awareness of and the understanding about them. With this knowledge and this intent, you have nothing to fear in that direction. As to the fear of discovering that you are not your idealized self-image, you also know how to approach this. You have to learn to accept yourself on the basis of your real values, which you can truly find only when you take the courageous step of giving up the false values of your idealized self.
QUESTION: I feel the emotions and they are like a stone in the pit of my stomach and I just can't let them out. I know they are there, but it is like a congestion.
ANSWER: I think it is wonderful that you have this awareness, that you do not repress this insight. This is of extreme value, it is very constructive. It does not matter that it does take a little more time and work. You have nothing to fear. The only cause for worry is to be utterly unaware of these things.
QUESTION: If the conscience is the voice of the Higher Self speaking to us, how do you distinguish between this conscience and, say, guilt feelings?
ANSWER: In a previous lecture I discussed two kinds of conscience. But I will gladly answer again, since this subject was discussed a long time ago and in the meantime further insight and understanding was gained, so that now, with some new approaches, a deeper understanding can be had.
As I explained at the time, there are two kinds of conscience. There is
the conscience of the higher self and there is an artificially constructed, superimposed conscience which derives from the idealized self. The moralizing I discussed is a part of this latter conscience. When you do not live up to the super standards that you impose upon yourself, then it may appear as the voice of your conscience.
The only way you can distinguish between these two is by the way you feel about it. There is a distinct difference as to how you experience the one or the other. Any words I could give you, any rule I could pronounce would be very misleading. But I can describe the emotional experience regarding both.
If it is the voice of the higher self -- the real conscience -- then
there will be no destructive hopelessness, no despair with oneself, no anger
at oneself, no impatience. In other words, there will be no negative feelings. Instead, there will be an insight into one's tendency of childish selfishness or greed or whatever else, but without being depressed about it. Simultaneously there will be a desire to act on a more mature level. But not because one must be perfect, not because of the fear not to be, but simply because one wants to. In other words, there is no compulsive anxiety about the issue. It is a clear decision without pressure, and it makes you feel thoroughly good, even if it means giving up a shortsighted childish advantage, even if it means the recognition of undesirable trends in one's character.
When the voice of the idealized self image speaks, then many of these negative feelings will be present. You will feel guilty about your existing negative trends, while still wanting to have it your way. You will feel fear and anxiety at the thought that you act according to the child in you. This conflict will create more anxiety, more tension, and more impatience both with yourself and with others. Should you then decide to carry out the right act, it will make you feel resentful, rather than at peace with yourself. At the same time, the mere fact that you have faults, that you are confused as to the right or wrong course, that you may make a wrong decision and thereby incur either criticism or frustration, will plunge you into despair. All this is proof that you have heard the voice of your idealized self image. The answer as to which of the two consciences you are dealing with can come only
if you account for your emotional reactions.
It is also possible that both may exist side by side simultaneously. In this case, the right action should not be stopped because in your self-accounting you have discovered that your negative motivations, your moralizing, and your idealized self happen to want the same thing as your higher self. You should go on doing what is right, but you should work on the negative aspect until you can free yourself from it through understanding yourself. Do not automatically refrain from a constructive action merely because you have discovered a negative motivation or a destructive impulse which is inverted into a forceful compulsive super-standard.
QUESTION: Why do I feel so exhausted all the time? I have seen doctors and they don't find the answer in any physical reason.
ANSWER: This condition applies to many people. One of the general reasons -- and it certainly is the case with you -- is that many emotions are repressed. Not only destructive emotions which you do not dare to face and acknowledge within yourself so as to come to terms with them, but you also crush valid and constructive desires and aims. You do not heed them out
of a general fear of disapproval and a lack of belief in the validity of
your aims. You feel that just because you want it, then it cannot be valid. The repression of these two sets of emotions consumes a great amount of energy. The energy which you thus lose produces a negation of life. There is a feeling of futility about life, of hopelessness, a fear of coping with life's difficulties. It might be said that the tiredness comes from this, but this would be an oversimplification. The chain reaction goes a little further. In other words, because of the repression of negative emotions and the repression of positive goals, a futility exists, and a lack of self-confidence
-- and therefore a fear of coping with life's difficulties -- exists. The tiredness is a result of it. Also, the futility is a result of the tiredness.
The tiredness is a result of the futility -- and both are a result of repression. Do you understand?
QUESTION: Yes. How can I overcome it?
ANSWER: There is only one way, and that is an extensive search of self-finding, of self-realization, of facing oneself, and then a re-construction of certain personality traits. This is not an easy way, but it is the only way. There is no quick and easy answer.
QUESTION: I have a question about killing anything that is alive. I
have a little girl and, naturally, I have taught her that it is bad to kill anything. However, what do you do when there are vermin in the house?
ANSWER: I have answered such questions before and I will say it again. This view of not killing something even if it is destructive, like vermin for instance, would be extreme fanaticism, and an utter misunderstanding of the truth. There is a lower kind of animal life that is destructive, and if you would all abide by the rigid rule that nothing must be killed, then you would destroy yourselves. You would not kill germs either, for germs too, are life organisms -- only to a smaller degree so that you cannot see the life
with your ordinary eye. But it is there. So where does it end? If a small destructive life organism is maintained because of such a rule, then it would eventually destroy the bigger and more important life organisms. Thus, by allowing one organism to live due to a rule not to kill any organism, you would kill just the same, although you would not see the act since the procedure is drawn out. Here you have a typical example of how dangerous and fallacious it is to follow rules blindly. By doing so, you end up doing the very thing which the rule forbids. This applies to any truth. Truth carried too far unthinkingly necessarily becomes an untruth. Truth is never a rigid rule that can be pursued to the end. It is dynamic and flexible. Therefore,
it always requires the middle road which can be attained only by responsible thinking and by realistic evaluating.
Rigid dogma is based on such considerations. That is why the life has been extracted out of the living spirit of truth and the letter of the law has been substituted for the life of the law. Because people are too lazy to think and too cowardly to make their own decisions -- which are based on their own evaluation -- they want to adhere to a dead ruling, and then they feel good that they have done the right thing. Truth is not that comfortable. It has to be fought for constantly through accounting, through thinking, through deciding, and through weighing. It requires a sense of self-responsibility and courage. This applies to everything, also to the subject you asked about.
I can foresee that another question will come once again. It is this: "On what level of animal life are we to stop? Where do we know? There are so many considerations, so many factors we ignore. How can we decide which animal life is predominantly destructive and which is predominantly constructive?" This also depends on the conditions of a particular civilization and upon environmental factors. There is no easy answer. But fanaticism and rigidity will never be the answer. The answer is evolutionary development. The time has not yet arrived when mankind is ready to give up killing higher animal species, but it is not too distant, at least from our point of view. The time will come when mankind will no longer need to eat meat. However, until such time, many other things will have to change first. The next step will be the strict observation of avoiding unnecessary cruelty. This step cannot be skipped by forbidding to eat meat.
Until such time, you can find the answer to such questions only within yourself. Probe yourself. Where do you tend toward rigid fanaticism? Where do you tend to be irresponsible? Every issue demands a different attitude, a new accounting, and then a thinking through.
QUESTION: Would you care to elaborate on the distinction between pseudo-euphoric states of elation and genuine elation? The question has been answered by many authorities, but we want to know what you have to say about it.
ANSWER: The first and the most important measure in order to establish the answer to this question is to ask oneself: "What was the motive for wanting such a state of elation?" Of course, the first answer will always be: "Because I wanted to communicate with God. I wanted it in order to develop myself." But do you really develop because you experience this state? Not if it is artificially produced. The only way to distinguish between genuine elation and pseudo elation is the honest answer
of whether or not an escape from the difficulties of life played a role; or whether there is a desire for pleasure supreme, one that cannot be attained through healthy means because too much fear and inhibition exist in the soul. A true answer can always -- and only -- be found if one goes to the
roots of oneself and finds these factors.
If there is a particular preoccupation with this subject, then this should give rise to suspicion. The predominantly healthy soul will have no particular desire for such euphoric states of elation. His desire will be to procure all the pleasure which this life contains by making his soul as healthy as possible. In that way he will find God. He will not need, nor want,
to skip a full life experience under the well-sounding pretext that his aim is communion with God. If he wants this, then there is a fear in him to meet life full face, and therefore he wants to avoid it.
True spiritual states of elation come undesired and unexpected. They follow suit after life has truly been lived, and not avoided. They are rare indeed. They do not represent a shortcut. They are not the result of avoiding life and yet still desiring development and progress. Many wish this very impossibility. They think that they can accomplish it by forcing themselves into states of elation that cannot be genuine.
The person who walks the stony, narrow road of real self-facing for the longest time will have no such experience whatsoever. He will not even crave for it. If there is no longing for it, then this might indicate a healthy state of mind. Because then it means an acceptance of life and a healthy ability to cope with life -- or at least a confidence that this ability to cope with life can be gained in all its favorable and unfavorable aspects -- and the intention that it will be gained -- thereby also acquiring the ability for happiness, the ability for love, and the ability for pleasure. Super states of euphoria usually avoid all that. If they are genuine, then they come only after having tackled life with all of its facets.
I may also add that it is possible that such a state is a combination of escape and the real foretaste of a genuine spiritual experience. A combination
of mixed inner trends may have led to this mixture. But if the genuine element is there at all, then it will only lead the person further away from seeking such an experience for the sake of unconsciously desiring a shortcut. On the contrary, he will be more determined than ever to give up all the inner resistance to face himself to the utmost. He will recognize that his desire
for a communion with God existed merely because he wanted to avoid a communion with himself. The courage and the humility to face oneself with all one's limitations will have increased if only a particle of such an experience is real.
I repeat. To the extent that such experience was genuine, to that extent the subsequent road must lead away from such euphoric states. Does that answer your question?
QUESTION: Yes. But, for instance, in prayer and in meditation, one at times gets such inner peace and inner happiness, a borderline elation.
ANSWER: Peace, calm, and happiness could not possibly be called a euphoric state of elation. Again, as in the question regarding the two kinds
of conscience, one should examine what is felt regarding this peace. One should account for the feeling. In other words, is the peace the result of an unhealthy passivity? Does it contain elements of giving up inner or outer action? Does it mean that you now feel that you do not have to do anything further in order to make a go at life? Such unhealthy passivity is just as much an indication of distortion as is an unhealthy over-activity, such as haste, pressure, and compulsion. The truth combines activity and passivity in
a relaxed way. The knowledge of the possibility and the intent to live life actively does not include inner unrest. It would be a healthy peace if the feeling of peace existed while strength gathers, and out of this strength comes the confidence that the person will overcome his obstructions and live life fully. Then the peace is genuine. On the other hand, if this peace is a momentary pleasant relaxed feeling, but after it is gone then no strength remains which can be constructively used, then the peace was a false one. Real peace and genuine strength usually follow unpleasant self-recognitions that one has accepted fully.
QUESTION: Isn't lasting improvement also a yardstick?
ANSWER: Yes. What I said before leads to lasting improvement. Such lasting improvement is bound to come if such an experience strengthens first the intent of finding one's obstructions and the execution of finally resolving them. To expect lasting improvement simply because the experience was had once is a misunderstanding. The truth is that this experience influences one's actions and one's attitude to obtain the improvement through one's efforts, through one's courage, and through one's humility. There is a subtle but important difference in this outlook. In addition, such an experience is almost always the result of serious efforts in the right direction and these, in turn, must produce further efforts.
It is not easy to judge what constitutes improvement. Actual change is
such a gradual process that it passes by almost unnoticed and you discover
it only much later. A quick change in one's personality is rarely to be trusted. On the other hand, it may mean a great improvement if you can begin to accept yourself as you are, for this is the basis on which to work. This may be unnoticed by anyone else. Real improvements are often very subtle.
QUESTION: My question has been answered already in part. It has to do with improvement on the path. Does the improvement occur automatically through self-recognition, or is there any value in certain disciplines that call for resolutions, or promising oneself not to repeat certain patterns?
ANSWER: Promising oneself not to repeat certain patterns may
be risky, because you cannot help these patterns as long as you do not find the reason for them. Once you have found their existence, then you have to understand their inner, though false, necessity. For you they are a necessary defense. As long as these factors are not thoroughly understood and you have not recognized that the defense is destructive and ineffective -- that in
fact it brings you the very thing that you wish to defend against -- then
such promises to yourself would be useless. If you stop the pattern without
the necessary understanding, then you would experience extreme anxiety. This, in turn, would only produce other destructive patterns. Or, if you continue helplessly in the pattern despite the promise given, then you would feel
angry at yourself and you would be discouraged. Or else, you may be in such
a conflict about the matter that you repress knowledge of the repetition.
In other words, you repeat it in such a subtle way, perhaps in a slightly different way, that you are no longer aware of it. Therefore, you have to
make the recognition all over again.
Hence, promises of this sort are not to be advised. However, discipline of a sort is necessary. For instance, the discipline of admonishing yourself to face yourself honestly again and again; or the discipline of realizing that change takes time and that it needs a great amount of understanding; or the discipline of not letting up on the efforts of self-observation; or the discipline of taking account of one's actions and of one's reactions. It also requires discipline to be aware of when the patterns repeat themselves in all their variations.
The answer to your question is a combination of the discipline in the sense I have indicated, and in allowing oneself to unfold one's entire nature. Only this can produce growth -- and growth cannot be speeded up.
The step that has to be gone through before a destructive pattern can be dispensed with is the understanding of the inner defense and the need for this defense. As a consequence, there will come the mature acceptance of the results of this destructive defense until such time as the psyche is ready to do without it. This is a necessary preliminary. Without it, maturity is impossible. This stage cannot be shortened. Once you are truly ready to let go of the pattern, then you will no longer need to make promises to yourself. You will not wish to do it, or to feel it, or to act by it. You will grow out of it naturally.
Often a wrong attitude exists in the hurried approach to one's development. On the one hand, this hurry indicates the strong idealized self image that says: "I must be perfect already." This only fortifies the non-acceptance of yourself as you happen to be now. On the other hand, the hurry also indicates: "As long as I am imperfect, then I have to experience imperfect situations, unfulfillment and frustration. Therefore,
I must become perfect in a hurry so as to be perfectly happy." This includes the childish attitude we have discussed frequently: that the child cannot accept life as it really is. It wants heaven on earth.
It is true that in such a stage you have evolved from the state of demanding happiness from life and from others, only to resent it when it was not given
to you, while disclaiming any responsibility for your wants. At this point you have realized that you are the master of your fate. But then you still do not accept the fact that life has to be taken as an imperfect business. The ability to derive happiness out of it even though it is not perfect, and the ability to accept yourself as average are the greatest signs of growth and
of maturity.
What constitutes maturity and what constitutes immaturity? One of the great milestones on the road to maturity is the ability to give up being special, being grandiose, and to accept yourself as being average and also as living an average life. If you can derive happiness out of the ordinary and out of being ordinary, then you have truly come a long way. If you
accept both yourself and life in that way, then you will no longer have to whip yourself into perfection. You will no longer need heaven on earth. Thus
you will view your own progress with equanimity. You will no longer feel any frustration or any unhappiness as a disaster. Therefore, you will give yourself time to grow. If your compulsion to be happy and your compulsion to be perfect are eliminated, then you will be much happier and more perfect than you were before. Thus you will approach your progress in the right combination of discipline -- not as far as perfect action is concerned, but as to giving up the resistance to face what is usually right in front of you and yet hardest
to see. You may be determined to find yourself, but you may expect some deep important insights of devastating impact, while the ordinary things that reveal so much about your problems are right in front of your eyes. But you do not see them. For that you need discipline first to want to see what
is right there and then to set out to see it.
QUESTION: Isn't prayer a kind of discipline to keep oneself in a certain chosen direction?
ANSWER: Yes. Prayer is a good way not to give up one's efforts in the right direction.
QUESTION: How does a person go about re-growing into an emotional feeling about God? And I am not speaking about the God of religion, but about the God that is. I know that the motives are important. I may want to worship God, which is probably not existent in me. Or I may want it for the idea of getting something, which is in me. Or I may want it for an intellectual comprehension. I think there might be the need for a father. Those are my motives. I have a few ideas as to where I can get this sense of God. I tried
it through my work and from books. Now what do I do, where do I go in order
to develop this feeling for God?
ANSWER: As for the motives you cited, they are true, but by no means all. The last one you mentioned is a much stronger factor than you realize and it contains many aspects that you still ignore. Moreover, you may not like to hear that you do not have only negative motives -- of which you seem so proud -- but that there is also a very healthy motive, a real spiritual need which you disregard and which you do not want to recognize. But for the moment, the motives are of secondary importance. It is fine that you can enumerate some of them, but it does not matter at this point.
For the moment, the first consideration is to find out how to attain this inner experience. In other words, what to do and where to go. There is only one way. It is to attain selfhood. You cannot have a genuine God experience -- you cannot trust in God and believe in Him -- if you do not trust and believe in yourself first. To the degree that you do so, to that degree
not only you will trust other people, but you will also trust God. So my advice is this: do not search for God in churches or in temples; do not search for Him in books, or in teachings. Search for Him in yourself and then God will reveal Himself. God is in you. Trust exists in you. Faith exists in you. Love exists in you. Truth exists in you. No outer knowledge will provide you with a genuine experience of God. For that matter, you would not really accept it. If you would, then it would happen out of unhealthy motives, just
as much as the opposite. First learn to trust yourself, in spite of the many reasons you think that you either cannot trust yourself or that you should should not trust yourself. This path must eventually give you a healthy trust in yourself. And that is all you need in order to find God.
There are so many people who cling to God because they do not trust themselves. This is the wrong faith -- and the wrong approach to God. This
kind of faith is truly built on sand. This is the false religion that leads to obedience and to fear. It is so destructive. It strengthens the weakness instead of the strength. So that kind of religion you should not even try to get. And mind you, it is not only found in the more known religious denominations. It can also be found in individuals who are not affiliated with any religion. It is a subtle and pervasive poison.
QUESTION: I have noticed that when I confess my faults to another, then it seems to give them relief and it helps them to face themselves. Would you care to comment on this?
ANSWER: Yes, this is true. It is very obvious why this is so. You see, in one's aloneness and separateness, deep down in his emotions -- although he knows differently in his mind -- man feels that he is the only one who has all these weaknesses and these faults. He feels himself ostracized, different, and separate. Therefore it is a great relief to be confronted by a human being who actually has the strength to first face and then pronounce similar weaknesses, similar faults, and similar limitations.
That gives you confidence and it makes it much easier to face the self, while the irrational unconscious belief that one is the only one only leads to further repression.
My dearest friends, be blessed each one of you. May these answers help to bring you a step forward into the right direction. May at least a small grain have taken root in yourselves. May they help you to absorb all the material that you have received, even though some of it will be realized only much later. But the grain may take root in you now. Persevere, my friends, and you will grow into human beings who can love, who can respect, and who can like yourselves while you are still human -- ordinary -- and thus enjoy life without feeling that you have to be perfect. This will not lead you into the opposite wrong extreme of laziness -- the lack of the desire to change and to grow. Soon you will sense the difference in inner motivation between the urge for development because you use a whip on yourself while feeling that you do not deserve happiness but rather punishment while imperfect, and the urge for development because you freely wish it. Be
blessed, all of you and your dear ones. Be in peace. Be in God.