** You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.

** Your job is interfering with your drinking.

** Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.

** Your career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.

** The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.

** You sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.

** 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not!

** Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!

** You can focus better with one eye closed.

** The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.

** You fall off the floor...

** Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.

** Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!

** Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you.

** At AA meetings you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."

** Your idea of cutting back is less salt.

** You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed. - hmmmmm.

** The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in...

** You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and [Women or Men].

** Every night you're beginning to find your roommate's cat more and more attractive.

** Roseanne looks good.

** Don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of a glass.

** That damned pink elephant followed me home again.

** Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk past you.