No one fails a class anymore, he's merely
"passing impaired."

You don't have detention, you're just one of the
"exit delayed."

Your bedroom isn't cluttered, it's just
"passage restrictive."

These days, a student isn't lazy. He's
"energetically declined."

Your locker isn't overflowing with junk, it's just
"closure prohibitive."

Kids don't get grounded anymore. They merely hit
"social speed bumps."

Your homework isn't missing, its just having an
"out-of-notebook experience."

You're not sleeping in class, you're
"rationing consciousness."

You're not late, you just have a
"rescheduled arrival time."

You're not having a bad hair day, you're suffering from
"rebellious follicle syndrome."

You don't have smelly gym socks, you have
"odor-retentive athletic footwear."

No one's tall anymore. They're
"vertically enhanced."

You're not shy. You're
"conversationally selective."

You don't talk a lot. You're just
"abundantly verbal."

You weren't passing notes in class. You were
"participating in the discreet exchange of penned meditations."

You're not being sent to the principals office. You're
"going on a mandatory field trip to the administrative building."

It's not called gossip anymore. It's
"the speedy transmission of near-factual information."

The food at the school cafeteria isn't awful. It's
"digestively challenged."